The Tiny Little Bit of Truth in Your Heart

Q: Lately I’ve been confused about God. Is there only one God or several Gods?

John: Despite anything that you’ve learned, despite the conditioning of your upbringing and your experiences, despite any of your reading, despite any of your perceptions, despite anything that you can seem to hold or handle in your self, despite any mind of yours, you either know or you don’t. If you know, believe what you know, adding nothing to it. If you don’t know, then don’t believe anything. Then you are devoid of having something concerning the question, and there is an innocence of heart in your simply not knowing.

If you don’t know, you don’t need to know. If you do know, you need to believe what you know. Love knowing the difference. The issue isn’t God or Gods. The real issue is what of any of that do you actually know the truth of and then to come from that. That makes all confusion in that issue unnecessary.

You need to begin with what you do actually have. You don’t have your confusion. You don’t actually have your beliefs. All that you actually have is what little bit within you really know the truth of. Return to that. In all of your heart, like having nothing else and you’ve returned as awareness to being what knowing is. You have returned to the beginning of oneness. If you develop as awareness from anything other than that, you fool your self.

As awareness, be freed in your heart by what you know the truth of, even if that leaves you without understanding. Have your freedom in what you know the truth of. You can be what you know without having to understand it. Real knowledge precedes all understanding. Real knowledge comes before understanding. Having any understanding without real knowledge isn’t real understanding.

Q: What do you mean by real knowledge?

John: Real knowledge is what tiny little bit you actually know the truth of in your heart. If all that you know at all in your heart is to let your heart open and soften, then that little bit is living Knowledge for you. It’s the knowledge that you live by. It is what you know within.

Even if you lose your mind, that knowledge in your heart doesn’t change. Living knowledge, what little bit you know the truth of in your heart, you are able as awareness to be. If your mind goes crazy, if you should lose your mind, if you should suffer dementia, it makes no difference to what you’re knowing in your heart. Your capacity to be what you know is undiminishable.

Have your heart in that and you’ll begin to realize what you know in your heart. If all that you know the truth of in your heart is a tiny little bit, it isn’t “just enough.” That tiny little bit is everything. You don’t need more. If you come from that, if you come from that tiny tiny little bit, you will realize more.

Whether God is or isn’t, whether God is one or many…you mustn’t believe anything unless you know. If you believe something that you don’t actually know the truth of, you deceive yourself. Even if your belief just happens to be true, but you’re not knowing the truth of it, you deceive yourself.

Whatever you know the truth of, whether that is almost nothing at all or whether it’s much, it makes no difference. You do need to believe only and all of what you know, nothing less and nothing more. Then you’re home.

Read moreThe Tiny Little Bit of Truth in Your Heart

Being Free of Your Thinking Mind

Q: I have a lot of thinking in my life. I was wondering if you would be willing to help or guide me a little to liberate me from that in this moment.

John: For you to change that, you would have to shift your orientation as awareness. The thinking offers you something less than what you first are. It satisfies something that you’re being in your self. The strength of your thinking, your thinking being a strength, will have you naturally orienting to that in terms of function and facility. It’s your strength that will then be covering your weaknesses, using your strength to compensate for weakness. That increases your strength in an imbalanced way and separates you even more from the weaknesses in your self. For you to cope in your self and in life with that, you will have to necessarily hold an imbalance. You would have to hold your self out of balance. For you to come into balance just in your self, you would have to be letting go of what you’re holding to in the use of your strength, in the use of your thinking. In having developed your thinking mind, you’ve been able to acquire things for your self. You’ve been able to protect your self. You’re able to use your strength in having what you want and in working for what you feel you need. To come into balance in your self, you will be letting what you are as awareness relax in your self. Consequent to that is a letting go of everything that you hold to through the use of your thinking mind, the defenses that you have in place in your self. You’ll be losing those defenses. You’ll be landing in all of the weaknesses in your self that you’ve been using your strength to avoid. There is a lot entailed in your being free of your thinking mind. For you to be free of your thinking mind, that will cost you the way that you’ve put your self together. It will cost you your patterned self. The patterning of your self that your thinking mind holds together will come apart. These patterns in your self are completely dependent on your continuing to favor your strength and to stay away from your weaknesses. To begin to let go of that will be confronting the very orientation that has you inclined to favor strength and to hold weakness in disfavor. Beginning to deal with being free from your own thinking ultimately confronts your own orientation as awareness within all of your self.

Q: I know I should go beyond the thinking, and I have embraced weaknesses and emptiness, but it’s not easy to get there.

John: For this to work you would have to apply it everywhere in your life in the details that you have applied your thinking.

Q: I do. I try. That’s why I sit down here in these moments with you.

John: The self that you’ve created and the self that you’ve come into this world with has a momentum. Just because you relate to something that you’re knowing the truth of within, it doesn’t mean that momentum will stop. For the momentum to stop is for you to be of a different orientation as awareness within your self, while the energy of what has been your investment in your self slowly dissipates. As that energy dissipates, pressure will increase on you to return to an old orientation. For you to not succumb to that pressure enables the orientation within your self to come out by the roots, which as an experience over a period of time is anything but pleasant. It’s an awful experience. Freeing what you are as awareness from the habit of your self is your pulling out by the root your relationship to what habit is. You will be feeling the pressure of that everywhere in your self.

It will seem that everything of life will be moving against you because everything of life inflames the pattern in your self that you’re no longer participating with. Your suffering will increase until all of the energy that you’ve invested in your self is dissipated and used up in your self. It takes time for the momentum of your self to stop. Being what you first are isn’t a process. For you as awareness to be what you first are is for you as awareness to be completely surrendered to knowledge within, knowledge that has no form. You simply know what you know the truth of. Your return to being that can involve a process, but doesn’t need a process. It needs only your agreement as awareness with knowledge. Agreement enables absorption. The surrender to knowledge is able to occur without process in a moment. Letting go of all of that requires no process. For awareness to shift doesn’t require energy, but for your self to match that, for your self to shift, requires as much process as the making of your self.

The follow-through of a fundamental shift of awareness, through your self, requires an entire process of being, first, what is of no process. Being knowledge isn’t a process, but being knowledge within a self that isn’t like what you first are does involve an entire process – until your self becomes as you are. When you’re separate from knowledge for a long period of time, you will be developing a self that matches what you are being as awareness in it, making you and your self the same, you being different from what you first are. The return home to what you first are will naturally show you the full extent of what you have turned your self into, the entire habit of your self that you’ve put in place to protect you from your return, your return to oneness. When you are being in some way separate from what you first are, your greatest love and longing of return that is embedded in all of your self will also be your greatest fear. When you begin to change what you are as awareness within your self, you’re changing the comfort zone of your self.

Q: But what happens if I’m letting go of things and I feel happy? What happened with the woman yesterday who said it was cool? It doesn’t match with what you’re saying. I’ve been there. It feels great.

John: It being experienced as being cool is of a limited perspective. To really live it, that cool experience, that cool perspective, will not be offering very much any more. The novelty within the self of realization passes, and you’re left with the reality, as awareness, of a fundamental shift that has with it no reward at all. As soon as there is an orientation around reward, you are split as awareness. Being what you know works with an experience of ease in your self as long as it isn’t conflicting with the patterns in your self. As soon as you’re left even being close to some of the patterns in your self, the ease passes and disturbance replaces it. You then feed the patterns in your self, giving you a temporary relief from pressure, but separating you from knowledge, creating the profound pressure of knowing you’re separate.

Addressing separation requires you as awareness, concerning knowledge, to being all in. Any little part of awareness that you leave out creates a serious problem. You’ll be using that tiniest little part to prove to your self that being what you know doesn’t work. Awareness is able to fragment itself. It’s able to be part in and part out. It’s able to be almost absolutely out or almost absolutely in. Being knowledge works in an absolute way only if all of awareness is absolutely all in. It isn’t difficult as awareness to monitor because knowing is what awareness is. To be aware is to know. All the way out into form within anything that you’re in, you’re able to be ‘in’ to different measure.

You’re able to be ‘in’ something without your heart in it. That’s part of you in, and part of you out. You’re able to accomplish subtleties of that to great sophistication. That ability comes from the ability that you are as awareness. It will all show in the management of your own forms. Being free of thinking costs you your self. For you to be free of your thinking, you will be going against you as awareness. For you to be moving with what your self is and then completely stop, that is like living moving with a stream and suddenly standing still midstream. All of your self will be pushing against you. For as long as you’re stopped midstream, your self with be uncomfortable. You will be compelled to yield to the pressure and follow the stream of your self.

The Dexterity of Consciousness

Q: I cracked wide open today with a lot of flooding of emotion. I see clearly how self-indulgent it is to waver in that place of being in presence and being invited to go there completely but still playing in the mind and emotions. I consider myself a victim of separation, but really I think it’s just choice, that the play of life is more interesting. I can play the role of being unworthy or living a tragic love story with my self and when there’s a fall from grace, it’s just a confirmation of my humanness, which is pathetic.

John: Tricky.

Q: Is there any truth in that play of life?

John: Not for you. There’s truth in it for you if you’re coming from what matters more. If you’re separating from the greater meaning within, then you will exploit the meaning you do identify with, so you won’t be in such meaning for the truth of it. You can’t be in it for the truth of it unless you’re coming from the greater truth within.

Q: And then when that play is with another, when you’re cooperating in their drama, which is also my own, it’s easy to blame others for their behavior.

John: Projecting onto others what you’re coming from is a distraction from being able to see what you’re coming from. By believing your self in it, you make it all real. You make it your reality.

Q: Sometimes that play happens almost as if it’s not even me doing, like something’s moving through me making me act in a certain way with another.

John: You give your self the power that belongs to you. That empowers the patterns in your self. Those patterns move on their own because you need them to. Subconsciously it relieves you of responsibility, having someone else for you to deal with instead of dealing with your self, having your self to deal with, instead of how you’re being in your self, and having how your being in your self to deal with instead of you. Reinforced level upon reinforced level to protect you from being meaning, conditioning your self to be in relationship with the lack of meaning outside of you and in your self. So then you live with being stories protecting stories.

Q: But seeing that is not enough.

John: Knowing the truth within doesn’t make you what you’re knowing the truth of within. If you’re knowing the truth within and you’re not being and coming from what you’re knowing, you’ll create a story around that, a story that protects you.

Q: But really that’s more danger.

John: It puts you in danger of you. Dishonesty continues to graft new distortions into your self. Core honesty in your heart, core honesty in relationship to your own real deeper knowledge, takes you to the root of what you’ve created and it takes you deeper than that root. It takes you into what has no distortion. Then you’re coming from that, sustaining being that at the personal cost to everything that you’ve created in your self that’s separate in its function and its beingness from your own real knowledge. As soon as there is a profound liking of growing up, you’re at the beginning of being free. Liking taking responsibility for all of your powers ends the distorted use of them. Knowledge within is freed by your surrendering to it, freeing the beingness of deeper knowledge: love.

Q: There’s a lot of confusion around discerning what is taking responsibility. What is the right path? That’s a place I can get lost in and wrap stories around.

John: That’s an exploitive use of your own power. You’re using what you’re able to be confused about to cover and conceal what you’re not confused about, using confusion to conceal your clarity.

Q: All in the name of wanting to do the right thing.

John: It all reveals your dexterity in maneuvering away from your own real knowledge. Your being is impervious to all your difficulty and confusion. The use of your self, in all its complexity, isn’t enough to completely cover your own Being. Within all of that complexity you still know. Knowing doesn’t end. You’ll exploit your self to cover that, to put a callous over that, even though it never does really work. It keeps leaving you within your self with what you’ve created.

Q: And so I watch my self slipping away from that and moving back into the complexities of wanting to ask you questions about free will and is it worthy to create anything here. So if I’m creating this, is it worthy to create a better “this?”

John: More dexterous maneuvers. It all reveals your underlying genius in it all, the misuse of wonderful ability, using insincerity in an effort to make your self sincere, instead of just simply being sincere at any personal cost. You will be facing everything within that insincerity refuses to face. Until you get that right, you will make everything wrong.

Your ability as awareness within your self to exploit and distort is originally your ability to be clear, but being clear makes you completely responsible, responsible for all of your own beingness, responsible for all of your doing, for your patterned condition. You will know your responsibility for clarity despite all of your history. You will face every discomfort in your self that you’ve been avoiding. Instead of being true to the self that you’ve conditioned, patterned and created, you’ll be true to you. You’ll be true to pure you. Your somewhat wild attractions and aversions won’t have the loyalty of your heart any more.

Q: Could you speak to my very subtle unconscious fear of harming others?

John: It’s insincere.

Q: The question or the dilemma?

John: All of it. If you’re not letting yourself see your own condition in your self, seeing from within your own living knowledge, then you are living separate from the ultimate source of your own life. There isn’t anything more worthy of your own knowledge than getting right what you’ve come into this world for, and that is for you to realize you, to realize what you are: living knowledge with all of its beingness having a self and a life with which to manifest all that is deeper.

Q: I feel like I’m wasting this life because I am stuck in this place of not finding my self. There’s a world out there that maybe I’m missing and maybe I’m supposed to be in service to. That’s another one of my confusions.

John: It’s a rouse. It’s a rouse of yours. It isn’t real. You don’t need to find your self or realize your self. You don’t even need to know your self for you to know you and realize you and be what you first are in the midst of whatever kind of self you happen to have. You don’t need to understand for you to know. Putting any focus on what you’re not understanding is a maneuver away from your actual clarity. It’s a maneuver away from knowledge. It’s a maneuver away from your being what you do know the truth of. It’s story-making. It’s your power of clarity that you use to make the story.
If you look at it from its root, it reveals your own genius. You don’t give credit for the depth and the breadth of your powers and your abilities. If you did, you would know how clearly responsible you are. You wouldn’t have anything to blame. You would be liking how true it is that you are wonderfully without excuse. Instead of trying, you would love.

It all seems to you that it continues on its own because you’ve created the sophisticated patterning that accomplishes that. You make your self a victim even of your own being because of how unreachable your own being is and how overbearing your self is.

As awareness you’re highly accomplished in everything that you’ve created in your self. You’re highly accomplished in your use of all of that to keep you separate from what you actually love the most within. When you’re profoundly honest within, honest to the core, you have not a speck of ground from which you can feel sorry for your self. You’re able as awareness from within your own living knowledge to turn everything around. You’re able, more than anything, to be free.

When you’re not sure what to be or what to do, be and do completely the tiniest little bit of your own present and available clarity. You’ll have much to be and much to do. You’ll be engaging your deeper powers of realization instead of running to your powers of thinking. From within the depth of realization, you’ll be loving thinking. Your plate is somewhat full. You need to own it and you need to own that what is on your plate isn’t you. Everything that’s on your plate is yours. It’s all in your care.

Read moreThe Dexterity of Consciousness

Providing For Your Child And For Your Self

Q: John, how can I be in this space and do things? How do I find this space and take care of the needs of my kids? I came here tonight because I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility. With all the caring I have for my daughter there also comes anxiety. How to do it?

John: In the same way that you are in this, in what this space is for you: the way of openness and softness of heart.

Q: What hurts is having to say “no.”

John: Say “yes” as this and say “no” as this. When you say “no” to her as this, you meet with her and she is loved. She’s seen and she’s known. That much alone exceeds the best parenting. On the surface, if you do many things wrong but come from this, she’ll get it right. Or on the surface do everything that’s right and don’t come from this, and she’ll be confused.

Q: How do I anchor in this?

John: Without using your self to do so. Then she’ll see in you how she also doesn’t need to use her self to anchor within. She’ll be learning quickly what matters most. She’ll grow up seeing it.

What she is seeing in being with you is that what this is matters more to you in your heart than your own self matters to you in your heart. She’ll love coming from the same. She’ll experience from you that this, within, matters more than her self, giving her an anchoring within that doesn’t come from her self. It comes from her knowing and being the truth that she knows in her heart.

She’ll grow up witnessing and experiencing from you a living orientation that she knows the truth of. You’ll be giving her no reason to be lost. When knowing means more to you than seeing, and seeing means more to you than experiencing, she’ll be realizing what she is, easily and quickly. She’ll be growing up in it.

Q: A doubt arises that I am as capable of this as I would like to be.

John: Has doubt ever informed you of what you do know?

Q: No.

John: Then don’t listen to your self concerning what you do know in your heart, and she’ll be learning from you the same. She’ll grow up being clear in what isn’t common.

Q: It’s the first time I’ve experienced caring in this way. It’s something of a change. Sometimes, however, I feel tied down, confined.

John: Don’t believe your self. Don’t believe your self, for what you know within matters more than what your self is. That has you drawing from what does matter most, even if you’re not understanding it or seeing it. You’ll still live being rooted in it.

You’ll be growing within, in a way that isn’t informed by your past. It isn’t informed by your learning. It isn’t informed by what you acquire with your mind. The growing within is informed only by what you know the truth of in your heart. However little that is, that means the most to you. So then you trust it and you believe what you’re knowing instead of trusting and believing something of your self to inform you of what you know doesn’t come from your self.

When you are rooted in knowing within, from everything that you have gleaned in your past in your self, it will seem that you’re rooted in coming from within what is so little while you are knowing that it’s everything. That will have you as awareness in your heart being something that is different from what your self is. And as you sustain being that in your heart in the midst of your self, your self will slowly become the same. There’s no rush at all for your self to become as this because you know that you are able to come from this in an instant. You’re able to be what this is in you without a single movement in your self.

That’s what enables, in time, your self to rest and to no longer have to produce for you what you’ve been requiring of it, knowing that what you’re requiring of your self is something that is other than you’re your self is. Your self isn’t able to produce for you what you are, in what is deeper than your self. You are able to produce in your self what you are, in what is deeper than your self. That has you, as awareness, being the provider for your self and relieving your self of having to be that.

That leaves your self unburdened by you, enabling your self to rest concerning everything that is deeper than what your self is.You are more than your self and if that’s what you’re coming from within, your self rests in that. Your daughter will also be growing up resting in that. Because of you it will be what is most real to her. She’s growing up with it. She won’t need to go all of the different ways that you have gone.

Being More Open within, to Really Meet Without

Q: Hi, John. Ever since I was little, I never saw that, whatever my dad was doing, that he was wrong. I just loved him so much that, whatever he was doing, I was okay with that, and I didn’t take it personally. Then my little sister was born and I don’t know why but I took it personally. I can’t open my heart to her.

John: It isn’t really her that you are not opening your heart to. It is really a deeper level of you. There is more to you than what you have found and related to in your self. There is also you in what is represented outside of your self. For you to see what your little sister is, is for you to be seeing, from within, a little bit more of you. Relating from a little bit more of you. For you to love your little sister is for you to be landed in your heart and coming from a little bit more of you. It isn’t really her; it is really you.

Q: So it is personal then?

John: The more open you are, within, the more capacity you’ll have to really meet with something outside of your self; to know, to see, to meet and to love. For you to love her includes more of you, requires more of you, within, for you to love her. If you have difficulty in loving her, your difficulty is really in opening deeper within, and realizing more of you that does really relate to knowing her, seeing her, meeting her and loving her. In this way your relationship with her shows you something of your relationship with you. In that way, how you are with her is how you are with you.

Q: I can see that.

John: Then you see her, and in seeing her, you see you. There’s much more to you than what you are used to.

Q: I used to be always on my own and figuring things out by my self.

John: That’s what you’re used to. What you are used to doesn’t represent all of you. That doesn’t represent all of reality. There’s much more to you than what you have experienced. There is much more to you than what you can see. There is much more to you than what you relate to. When you release what confines you, you come into what encompasses you. It’s slightly similar and profoundly different.

Real Love

Q: I do a lot, but it also feels good to do, or a lot of things I do I think I know to do them, but it’s a lot and I feel tired, so I don’t know really how to handle this well, to do the things I think I need to do without burning myself off. Maybe you can you tell me something about that.

John:  If you’re doing what you think you need to do and you’re not managing, then you need to manage what you’re doing. You need to manage differently. That is your managing what you’re doing with your self. That’s somewhat of a superficial issue.

Q: I should look differently at the issue. I can still do all the things that I do, so there’s nothing wrong in doing the things…So I can learn that while doing all these things.

John: Mmm-Hmm

Q: Is also part of my superficial issue that I’m always running? Is that the ego thing?

John: What is your own deeper sense of it?

Q: When I relax, I don’t have my focus to things to do them right. Should I relax and let it go as it comes, even if it’s not right, or focus and attend to do it right?

John: Both.

Q: How do I make that balance?

John: What you’re doing and how you do it does really matter, and it doesn’t matter as much as what you’re coming from. Don’t use coming from something deeper within as a convenience to your self. Then your own sense of a deeper restedness will have you favouring less of a sense of responsibility on the surface of things. Coming from a deeper place within doesn’t alleviate you of your responsibility and carrying that responsibility doesn’t alleviate you of coming from what is deeper within.

Q: I also have a question about when felt something when I saw somebody. Could you tell me what it means?

John: What did you feel and what was it meaning to you?

Q: It felt very deep.

John: What was it in regards to? What are you speaking of? What are you talking about? Explain it more.

Q: This guy, when I saw him he reached something in me and it pulled me and it wasn’t physical attraction. I felt an opening. I think the first feeling was sincere but I made things up about it already.

John: When you feel something like that, it doesn’t mean that you’ve met someone that you’re to be in relationship with. It means what it means. You were deeply touched by something in connection with him. If he is in a moment of openness and there’s a sweet vulnerability in himself, you’ll easily experience what you were experiencing, but that doesn’t mean that it is how he lives. Given the right moment you can experience the deep in anyone.

There are many who will feel toward the deep within and there are fewer who will live for the deep within and even fewer who will be so and do so at any cost, at any personal cost. It matters what you are like, within, under pressure and what he is like, within, under pressure. That determines the relationship, not how you feel toward each other when there isn’t pressure.

Q: I always knew or had a feeling how it would be when you saw somebody who could be the one for you. And I recognized that feeling in it.

John: Don’t trust it. The less grounded experience you have with such feelings, the less you can trust the feelings. The less grounded experience you have in your self concerning such feeling, the less experienced you are with such feeling. Within such a feeling, for you to have good judgment you need to be discerning what the subtleties are within the feeling.

If you’re not discerning what is actually discernible, you won’t have the right judgment. You’ll be ill informed in your self in what you do with the feeling. Having strong feelings doesn’t mean that you have clear thinking and it doesn’t mean that you have good judgment. If you’re relying on the feeling, the feeling will pass. What will you then have?

Q: But I always felt that when it’s good the feeling won’t pass.

John: It will pass.

Q: Even if it’s good?

John: If the strong feeling is there because it really is a goodness and you move with that goodness, you’ll be riding a goodness wave, but the wave will pass and as the wave passes the newness passes away with it and you’ll be left in your patterns with him in his pattern. And there the real relationship begins.

Q: What do we need then? I thought we need real love with each other.

John: For you to have real love, you need to be able to move past your self. You can’t have real love if you’re not being bigger than what your self is. Feeling what seems like real love isn’t the same as having real love.

The patterning that you have with those who you are closest, your family, is the same patterning that you’ll have in a relationship once the newness is gone, once the profound feeling is gone.

If you’re living being bigger within than what your self is, then you really don’t want to be in relationship with someone who isn’t the same. Finding a depth of goodness in someone else doesn’t mean that he is being bigger than what his self is. If you are and he isn’t, then eventually you will be a baby sitter. You’ll be investing your time in someone who doesn’t necessarily want to move past himself.

Be sure of what you’re living for, that what you’re living for is deeper than what your self is, and that you’re doing so even at a personal cost. That means that you’re clear. And if you’re going to be in relationship then do so only with someone who is the same.

If he seems like he is, that doesn’t mean that he is. You need to do all of your deepest homework on him and really find out and not be persuaded by how you’re feeling. You need to know, you need to find out. And if necessary, you need to dig into your self and into him before you decide to engage in a relationship, or you’ll be swept along by a wave and when the wave ends you’ll end the relationship. The wave will end. The very best wave will end and that’s when you really need to be with the right person. You need to discern that beforehand because when the wave ends you’re not going to change him.

Look for someone who has suffered and has learned and realized something beautiful in the midst of the suffering. If he hasn’t suffered he doesn’t likely really know himself. There isn’t virtue in suffering. The virtue is in being what is deeper within in the midst of the suffering. Not everyone who has suffered has really learned something or really realized the deeper truth of something.

Read moreReal Love

The Tiny Little Soft Spots in Your Heart

Q: I’m just beginning to realize how difficult and awful I behaved, but I remember you saying that with any self you can still live correctly. I see a possibility of living correctly; I’m not surrendering to that possibility. What can I do to follow what I know? What can I do better?

John: Identify delicacies of being, within.

Q: If I understand what you’re saying, they seem like little tiny bits of dust during the day. It’s not that I do something linear and connected and I want that linear connected thing.

John: That’s what you are to make happen, but start out identifying what you know are delicacies of being, within. Tiny little touches of knowledge that has beingness in it; special soft spots of heart. As soon as you identify them you need to believe them. When you’re believing them, that has you, as awareness, filling out into them. As you are believing them, you are manifesting into your heart your own deeper beingness. That is you as awareness manifesting your being.

Don’t use anything outside of that for you to identify your deeper beingness. Don’t use anything in your self. If you use something in your self you’ll be identifying lack, and your sense and feelings of shame in that has you solidifying that lack.

Q: Solidifying is like rooting.

John: Using comparison to identify something solid within, giving you a feeling of solidity in your self.

It grounds you, but that grounding is based on a lack in your self. You need to find your own grounding, not in your self, but in tiny delicacies of being, tiny little touches moved into your heart, tiny little soft spots in your heart.

Find your grounding in nurturing them. You nurture them by believing them, believing the truth of them, in having your rootedness in that in your heart. Take responsibility in your having a self not by focusing on its lack. Your focusing on the lack in your self is your patterned way in your self, making your self less, and having a feeling of solidness in that.

In your believing the delicacies of being within, the tiny touches of them in your heart, you need to then move that up into your self. You need to let them show. You need to let them show in your eyes and in your face while you’re with other people. You’ll find that to be very uncomfortable. Don’t give the discomfort anything. You need to be giving the delicacies of being to your eyes and to your face, and don’t let any discomfort in your self hinder you or stop you.

People will be commenting. Some of them will be commenting very sweetly and you’ll be feeling shy and embarrassed. You need to stay in it and not draw back. You need to hold the ground of being in your eyes and in your face. Suffer the discomfort, not letting the discomfort stop you. If the discomfort shows also in your eyes and in your face, don’t let that stop you.

You need to identify ground of being within, the tiny delicacies of being within, and you need to bring that ground up into your face and into your eyes, and you need to hold that ground at any personal cost. In doing this, your self will change. You’ll be achieving personality that you didn’t have before.

If you’re not bringing touches of being, real ground of being, into your face and into your eyes, you won’t be taking responsibility in having a self and you won’t be taking responsibility in having your personality. You’ll make your personality less and you’ll make your self less, and you’ll cover the delicacies of being, within. You need to not do that any more.

Q: Associating less or seeing less people so I won’t have a frame of reference. Is that a good idea to keep me from doing it?

John: No.

Q: Should I try to expand, see a little bit more people, to exercise in this?

John: Yes. You need to make the delicacies of being, within, your ground, and that ground needs to be within the interior of your face and you need to let it be seen. You need to not use your eyes and your face to cover it. Some will see you as being adorable in that. Some others may laugh at you. Some others may even use that to try to hurt you. You mustn’t let anything stop you. You need to let your own ground of being stay showing in your eyes and in your face, regardless of what others do with that.

Q: I have a tendency to be resentful to people from the inside, and sometime I look at them with hatred. I have the sense of looking at them with like an evilness.

John: That’s because you’re making them wrong for your not having your own ground of being showing in your eyes and in your face.

Q: Sometimes I have no control and I’d rather not see people’s…

John: If you’re starting out identifying delicacies of being within, you’ll be finding soft spots in your heart. Those tiny little soft spots in your heart are your ground. You need to live from that ground. You need to hold that ground. You need to bring that ground up into your eyes and into your face, regardless of what others do or don’t do with that. In this way you’ll be taking warm responsibility for your own being and for your own self that you have made to be full of lack.

You will suffer a lot of discomfort in this and much difficulty in this. It isn’t going to be easy. It is going to be real for you and you’re able to be and do all of it. All of the lack in your self doesn’t stop you. You need to stop using your self to experience all that lack. You need to stop living those patterns by taking responsibility for them and not using them any more.

You have identified with all of the lack in your self and you have patterned your self by that. Those patterns have become strong and they have become your behavior. Those patterns are in all of your body. Those patterns are in all of your face; they’re in your eyes. You have embodied them. You need to take responsibility for that and not use them any more.

You need to identify the delicacies of being, within, the tiny soft spots in your heart. You need to bring them up into your face and into your eyes and let them show. And that needs to be your only ground, regardless of your personal discomfort in that, regardless of what others do with that. Your life cannot be the same any more. You’re able to go through all of the discomfort and all of the personal difficulty in holding this ground of being in your eyes and in your face, and living that while you’re with other people.

Q: I understand bringing the touches of being to my eyes and to my face. When I compare myself to others to identify or to have sense of who I am, that’s not the way to do it any more.

John: For you to have this ground of being in your eyes and in your face, your experience of that while you’re with others is that you’re going to be way, way out there, beautifully exposed.

Q: Is that like when I’m with other people and I feel depressed? People are happy but I feel sad and I let myself feel sad. Is that something of what you’re trying to tell me?

John: Of what not to use any more. You don’t need to do that any more. You mustn’t do that any more. You’re able to not do that any more.

Q: I don’t know what else to do.

John: Not that. Do the delicacies of being in your eyes and your face, and it doesn’t matter what people’s reactions are to that. It doesn’t matter what you see in their face because of what they’re seeing in yours. You cannot use others any more, or your self, as your standard of being in your eyes and in your face.

Q: Is it enough just to know what I should use and not to think about what you meant by using my self? Just use what I am to use?

John: Yes. When you were very little, you were full of delicacies of being, in your eyes and in your face. It was what you were and you were very sensitive, and you didn’t know what to do with that sensitivity, so you developed a self to cover it. You shut down the delicacies of being. You need to take the covering off. You need to return to where you left off. You need to develop in your self with the covering off.

Q: I believe that would be painful and uncomfortable. Is it right to choose a life that will support that, so I can be as much as that?

John: Yes. You really need to do this. You must do this despite the pain of it. You’re able to be the nurture of your own being in this.

Q: It touched me when you said you really need to do this. It seems like a very simple exercise, but I understand the consequences will be very difficult for me.

John: You need to be the juiciness of your own being, all the way into your face and in to your eyes, without apology, without the need of explanation. You’ll be making up for years of lost time.

Q: When I do feel this evilness inside towards others and then I feel a sense of pain towards my self, is it okay to express like a soft pain that I have inside of me, this attitude?

John: The moment that it’s there, wash your hands of it and have nothing to do with it. Don’t follow your patterned way.

Q: I’m shocked at my self, for what goes on towards another, inside of me.

John: Wash your hands of it. Have nothing to do with it. Don’t use it any more. Don’t relate to it any more. Identify the delicacies of being, and in your heart, hug them. They are your new ground, and that ground belongs in your eyes and in your face.

Q: I feel like it’s a new journey and I’m really afraid, but I also feel a lot of love and gratitude towards you and I’ll try to do my best.

John: Don’t try. Everything good in you is completely dependent on your really doing this. There is no cost, no pain, no discomfort that can stop you.

Q: Thank you for emphasizing this, because I can remember that. This really can help me. Thank you for your words.

John: If your doing this kills you, die with the juiciness of your own being in your eyes and in your face. To you, it’s me because it really is you.

On Personal Boundaries and Meeting with Others

Q: Can you tell me something about boundaries? Boundaries of my body, my energy? Yesterday you were giving the metaphor of learning how to swim and you said to learn how to swim you have to get in the water and then you have to enjoy being in the water. Somehow I experience – and continuing the metaphor – when I’m in the water, I become afraid. So then I get out of the water and I again want to be in the water. So how to break through this?

John: For you to really be, within, you cannot take your way of relating with you; you cannot take your patterning with you. If you take your patterning with you, then you are being dependent on your own patterning for you to be able to go within. Then in going within, you are in your patterning.

Q: How do I leave my patterning?

John: By not relating to it. You don’t need your patterning for you to go within. Your patterning didn’t come from within. Your patterning developed outside of what you really are, within. For you to be what you really are, within, you don’t need your patterning. You only need your patterning for you to be the projection of your self outwards. You don’t need your patterning for you to meet with someone. You need your ‘within’ for you to meet with someone. Your patterning isn’t really needed, within or without.

You use your patterning to cope and when you use your patterning to cope you’re not really coping. You don’t really need to cope when you’re with others. What you do need is to meet when you’re with others. You need to meet with others, despite the condition of your self or your person. If you’re not meeting with others then you’re not coming from within while you’re with others.

If you’re needing to cope while you’re with others, then you’ll be using and relating to your boundaries in a personal way. You’ll be protecting the personal out of a sense of lack instead of coming from within and meeting without, meeting with others and having boundaries for your person because your person is in your care, not because you’re dependent on your person to be what you really are within.

Q: I don’t get it completely. When I’m coming from within, from the heart, then there’s nothing to protect and I don’t need boundaries?

John: You still need boundaries because you do need to take care of what is in your care. Your person is in your care. You need to protect your person; you need to have boundaries around your person, but not for the well-being of your heart. The well-being of your heart comes from your knowing of what you really are within. Your sense of well-being doesn’t come from your person; it comes from within.

When it comes from within, then the boundaries that you have as a person or because you’re taking care of your person, won’t be taken personally. When something crosses a boundary, you won’t stop meeting. The meeting continues while you are taking care of your person.

Your personal boundaries are then just simply taken care of. You won’t be using your personal boundaries to take care of what you are within. When you have it in the correct order then you have both. You have your ‘within’ that you’re coming from and you have your personal boundaries that you are just simply taking care of.

When you have the two in the incorrect order, you have neither. Your boundaries will not provide for you and you’ll not have your ‘within’ so then you’ll be lost, within and without. You’ll not be coping and you’ll not really be functional.

When your person is in your care and the boundaries of your person are in your care, because of where you’re coming from, within, then the other person that you’re with will also naturally be in your care. If you’re relating to your personal boundaries for you to have a sense of well-being within, then your person is no longer really in your care. Your boundaries are not in your care, and the person you’re with is also no longer in your care. Nothing is really being taken care of and you’re disconnected from your own interior. The more deeply you’re coming from your own interior, the more that everything is in your care.

If someone crosses your boundaries, from within you need to keep meeting. While you are still meeting, really seeing the other, you have boundaries, personal boundaries that continue to be in your care. Take care of them while you’re meeting with the other. As soon as you abandon meeting with the other, even if the other is crossing your personal boundaries, you become lost. You don’t need to become lost just because your personal boundaries are crossed.

Q: Is it best to always keep meeting another… whatever happens?

John: Yes. Keep meeting despite whatever happens, and whatever happens is in your care.

Q: Maybe I can’t distinguish what is me and what are my patterns.

John: When you are being what you really are, there is always nurture in your heart despite what you’re thinking or feeling, despite what you’re experiencing in your self or in your person, despite any difficulty. You don’t need your patterning for you to be in that nurture. The nurture has nothing to do with any of the patterning. For you to give or extend that nurture you also don’t need your patterning. For you to meet with someone you don’t need your patterning.

Q: What comes up is that if I’m meeting someone, everything goes so quickly and I feel lost.

John: If everything goes so quickly, if everything is moving in a fast pace, you don’t need to keep up. As soon as you have a need within to keep up, you’ll be trying to keep up instead of meeting. You’re able to meet while you’re not keeping up. You’ll appear a little bit dysfunctional, and you’ll have what matters most and you’ll be giving what matters most. You’ll be vulnerable in not keeping up and you’ll be heartfully adorable in not keeping up. Keeping up needs to be always wonderfully secondary to meeting.

When you’re not needing from within to keep up, the pressure will be off of the surface and your actual ability will be present. Within that, you’ll experience a little bit more ability in being able to keep up. Your most free capacity for development is in your development being secondary. Your development cannot be primary. Being at rest within and meeting with others is primary. Your capacity to meet with others isn’t dependent on your performance and it isn’t dependent on the performance of the other.

If the other is not being true to their interior, then while you are with the other you might be suffering by their performance, by what the other does to you. That doesn’t prevent your meeting. You can be taking care of your own boundaries in addressing things on the surface, but not because of an inner need. Your interior is already taken care of by you.

Q: Thank you.

Read moreOn Personal Boundaries and Meeting with Others

Profound Sincerity Doesn’t Miss

Q: My awareness has been balancing on a thread. In the beginning, I was very occupied with not falling from the thread and balancing. Now I don’t really know where I am anymore. I was wondering if you could say something about that.

John: Seemingly being in the dark and not being able to see doesn’t mean that you’re not being true to knowledge. You can’t use your experience to tell you what is true concerning that which precedes the level of experience.

For that, what you have is what you are: awareness and knowing. Experiencing imbalance doesn’t necessarily mean that what you are, most deeply, is out of balance, but trying to compensate for your experiencing can put you as awareness out of balance.

Being true to knowledge may have you pointedly experiencing imbalance in your self. A part of balance in awareness is not needing the weight of experience to be a part of what balances you. Sincerity can feel dishonest while knowing that it is honest.

Profound sincerity, in all of its vulnerability, in its relationship to knowledge, does find its way. Within that vulnerable sincerity, don’t lose heart. In all of the little things give your heart to what you know the truth of within. It doesn’t matter how little that can seem to be. All that matters is that what you do really know the truth of, within, has your heart, despite all of the difficulty that that may put your self in.

You will be awakening to many cutting edges as awareness within your self. Each cutting edge is a fine, fine line that you’re able to walk and discern, in just simply being what you know the truth of within. You will always be awakening to more cutting edges within. As you walk what you know the truth of in that, eventually your whole self will be made of cutting edges.

Q: How do I discern between a cutting edge and doing, like separating from knowledge?

John: Profound sincerity doesn’t miss, even when it misses. Even when it leads to mistakes on the surface, sincerity never misses. Even if it’s going the wrong way on the surface, sincerity is good and right. Its way within is to knowledge. You don’t need to have the full spectrum of knowledge for you to be true to the knowledge that you do have.

Q: Is it because I try to judge my knowledge and sincerity by the surface result?

John: You can’t go by that. You can use form for what follows. But not for what precedes. You can only use what precedes to be that which precedes. Looking back, judging actions by their consequences, works in helping your self. It works in your learning as a self. The experience of that makes it understandable for you to look back behind you in an effort to help you be what you first are. It just doesn’t work.

Sincerity will really be all right even when it gets something wrong, whereas a lack of sincerity will not be alright even if it gets something right.

Q: What can I do when cutting edges occur?

John: Remain true, to the tiniest little bit within that you know is true. Continue in that even in what might seem to be the dark.

Q: Without being able to give it any form?

John: If it means that, yes. Being what you most deeply know the truth of within, at cost to your self, is the orientation of truth within your self, enabling the forming of a new self, in the midst of your self, even if you can’t see it.

Read moreProfound Sincerity Doesn’t Miss

Happy Without A Reason Because You’re Home

Q: Hello, John. I have a question. Is there such a thing as a personal soul or is it just one soul?

John: How do you mean?

Q: There is a personal ego on this earth and so a lot of religions said that you go to heaven or to hell, and that’s quite personal. So, I’m Martin here on Earth. Am I still Martin after death?

John: Concerning heaven and hell and everything that you’ve been told and everything that you’ve heard, concerning everything that you’ve let into your mind and that you’ve let into your heart, believe none of it, and then believe whatever it is that you actually know the truth of in the privacy of your own heart.

Any conditioning in your mind and in your heart is an act of control on your self. You need to not have it. For you to not have it, you cannot get rid of it on its own. It needs to be consciously displaced by what you actually know the truth of. You don’t need to know much. It doesn’t matter how little you actually know the truth of something.

It doesn’t matter what understanding you have of that or what lack of understanding there may seem to be. You need to know what it is that you actually do know aside from all conditioning, and then you need to believe what you know. That needs to be your only real ground.

When that is your only real ground, then as awareness you’ll be able to move clearly within as knowing, and you’ll no longer be moving within based on something you’ve learned or that you’ve acquired.

In moving as awareness knowing within, you’ll be able to realize the more that you know: knowledge within that is only accessible if, as awareness, you are being knowing. Then everything that you encounter as awareness within, knowing the truth of it, you’ll continue in full belief of whatever it is within that you’re knowing. You will be coming into your own full interior, a full interior that your pre-conditioning cannot enter.

Your pre-conditioning will keep you, in your self, in what you have already taken to heart and believed, even if you haven’t known the truth of it. It will keep you in a spin, wanting to know more while not being able to stop spinning. For you to come into real Knowledge within, the pre-conditioned spinning needs to stop.

It doesn’t stop unless you are first in your heart contented and quieted, satisfied with the tiniest little bit within that you do know the truth of. If what you do, really do, know the truth of isn’t having your whole heart, the spinning cannot stop. The spinning will continue as long as you continue to need something from what you have already believed.

The spinning happens by you. Your conditioning doesn’t make you spin. Your finding a semblance of satisfaction in your conditioning makes you spin. When it no longer matters to you how small your ground is, how little ground you have within, when all that matters to you is…that it’s real, and the real, however small, is enough, the spin is gone. You’re left knowing perhaps very little, perhaps almost nothing.

If what seems almost nothing means everything to you because it’s actual and it’s real, you’ve found your way. It will not stop opening, and it will continue if your whole heart continues to absorb all of it. You have no real alternative to this. If you continue boxing with your conditioning, it will continue to become stronger.

In your effort to win, you will lose. If you follow through in this, your ego, without any effort, without any effort of yours, will turn to vapor. It will lose all of its density. It will lose all of its power. The illusion that you lived in will pass away. You’ll have your heart back again and you’ll have the heart of a lovely, lovely, happy little boy.

You’ll have grounded glee in your heart. You’ll be thinking differently. You’ll be thinking because you know, instead of thinking out of habit and momentum, thinking because you’re wanting something or needing something. You’ll be thinking because of liking being the tiniest little bit within that you do know the truth of.

You cannot cheat this or cut corners. It requires profound honesty in your heart and profound honesty in the use of your intellect, and your whole heart given to what you do know the truth of. You will be happy without a reason because you’re home.