Move with Clarity, but Hold it Lightly

Q: I hope to get more ability and clarity. I saw that I took my self to heart for a long time and I feel embarrassing and awkward.

John: Instead of feeling embarrassed and awkward in your self, with a little shift you can be sweetly embarrassed and sweetly awkward. That puts you in your heart while you’re in your self. When you feel deflated in your self, that comes from an ego reference that you’ve developed, and with just a little shift you can dislodge that. The ego is an importance that you give to your self through the use of your thinking and your emotion. As soon as you realize that, you can see it for what it is and any amount of softening in the midst of that relieves you. It relieves you of the pressure of self-importance. Then you’ll see where you inflate your self or deflate your self and you realize that that is simply an ego.

Q: Is seeing it as the ego the same as seeing it as a thought that I’m identified with?

John: See that you’re giving your self importance that your self doesn’t need. Your self is okay as is.

Q: It is so different from what I wanted it to be or to have.

John: Your self will develop naturally if you put no expectation on it. When you impose an expectation on it, you’re giving importance where importance isn’t required. With that sense of importance put onto your self, your self will then inflate and deflate. You’ll be projecting onto it ups and downs. When you soften in relationship to your self, your self naturally comes back into balance.

Q: I can be okay with it without needing to change it first?

John: Yes.

Q: There are so many ‘shoulds.’ I thought I only can be okay with me when I follow my ‘shoulds,’ but I don’t follow them .

John: When you follow your ‘shoulds,’ you follow your self. When you follow your self, your self masters you. Instead of following and doing what you should do, enjoy doing what you know in your heart. There isn’t a ‘should’ attached to that.

Q: What do I do with those ‘shoulds?’ Will knowing tell me something if I’m not using the ‘shoulds?’ What would be an example of the knowing speaking?

John: The ‘should’ is a projection onto your self. A knowing is a simple truth on its own.

Q: What to do with the ‘shoulds?’ I have a long list.

John: Relax as awareness within all of them. As you relax as awareness, the energy of the ‘should’ dissipates. What remains in you as awareness is then simply what you know. As you enjoy what you know, you move what you know. It’s one with you. It’s your love.

Q: Yet, when I ask what I know about anything, there’s emptiness.

John: Then you’re asking what you think. You’re mistaking what you know to be an object. The simplest of what you know is a way of being, a way of being that you realize in your heart, lovelier than any way of being in your self. As soon as you know it, you love it because it is how what you really are moves. It’s like realizing the beloved within. As you reside in that, your self is relieved of all of the projections that you’ve put on it. With the projections and expectations removed, your self beautifully learns. It learns from you. It learns from what you’re being and it becomes the same.

When you project onto your self, your self becomes a performance. It will perform for every projection. When you put no projections on your self, your self learns. The self functions like the innocence of a small child. The more that you put onto a child, the more that the child performs. When you see a child without projections and without expectations, the child relaxes and sees. When the child is seeing you, the child is seeing from what it really is. It’s drawing up from what it really is and it moves in that, which gives development to that within the child, instead of the child developing out of performance.

Q: There is one thought where I feel pressure to perform. I want to ask you to relieve me from this pressure. I might stay here for a year and go to school and teach. I think I would develop a lot of different skills to deal with bigger challenges. I want to ask you if you’re okay with that.

John: It’s about what you know in your heart and what clarity you have in your self. Move with your clarity, but hold it lightly. If you hold it lightly while you move in it, you won’t be invested in it. That makes your own clarity like a kindness. If you invest emotion in your clarity, the emotional investment blinds you.

Q: To hold it lightly offers to change it.

John: Yes. As you move within your clarity, you are quick to see. With an emotional investment, you’ll be stubborn to see. Openness loves seeing. Add no investment to your clarity and, as you move, your clarity deepens. Your own clarity serves you as a kindness. The emotions that you use to hold your clarity together take away from the energy that goes into your own action. Your simplicity of heart within the clarity moves your clarity the most. A simple heart lets the mind be clear.

Solitude and Clarity

Q: I experienced that I wasn’t in this room any more. I just experienced that it went very deep and I wasn’t in this room anymore. Can you explain to me what that is?

John: You not being in your self.

Q: After my other talk with you where I really opened, what I opened to has always stayed with me, but I don’t always find how I can give that right action or movement in my self.

John: In that space, your person and your self matter little.

Q: I experience my self so strongly at times. What can I do differently?

John: Let go of you needing your self and person to be strong. Your person and your self are temporary.

Q: I know.

John: Then you cannot take them seriously.

Q: I find that difficult to understand. Are my self and person not in my care?

John: You don’t fundamentally need to relate to them.

Q: I have another question about my daughter. She is a very beautiful, spirited child and she has a strong and powerful will. I would love to hear from you how I can guide her with that. It’s a strength, but it’s also important to help her integrate that.

John: You help her in that by you not needing your will.

Q: You mean my will against hers in those situations?

John: Your will against anything.

Q: So to only focus on that in me will help her?

John: You can move your power by being clear, without the use of will.

Q: Is it also better for me to only do something about it when I can see clearly and I use my power from there, and to never interfere even if I can see she is being willful?

John: Yes.

Q: She’ll be even better off with me correcting her less, than with my ideas of what I think? Since I’ve been in Edmonton, I’ve experienced a higher degree of my thinking and anxiety in my self. Is that because seeing more deeply makes me see my patterns more clearly?

John: Yes.

Q: So my experience of it is very much changed because of what I have been identifying with. I often see tension in my normal life.

John: You don’t need all that is normal for you. Normal blinds you. When you’re being what is normal to you, you can’t see past it, and you’ll need your will for you to move what you think is normal. When you come away from what is normal. Depth and tenderness remain.

Q: So my only focus should be to stay with this, without putting any priorities or functioning in action.

John: Yes. Function and action have no real meaning without this.

Q: When I walk outside again, right away I choose to see the world my usual way, and I go back into patterns.

John: Instead of relating to your usual senses, relate to the bone.

Q: To the bone? I knew that I wanted to come to the chair because I felt very pulled to become very sharp and focused in what’s real, instead of all the time knowing what’s real but still being in limbo. You have given a very good answer to that. Thank you.

John: Be you independent of your roles as a wife and a mother.

Q: And to stay in that and to come from there, I can’t really take things personally anymore.

John: You’ll be beyond a wife and a mother.

Q: So it’s the way I am in that.

John: You being to the bone. From there, all that you perceive as being normal cracks open.

Q: Has that already been cracking because of my more intensified experiences, or is it still all to crack?

John: You can be within your intensified experiences but without a soundtrack.

Q: Without a soundtrack? Sorry, what do you mean by that?

John: Its volume is what’s giving you a sense of meaning.

Q: So that’s for me to really stay focused on the way I’m in my body now, the depth I experience in the body, to stay with that no matter how loud things seem to sound in my system.

John: Yes.

Q: And that’s what you mean with cracking open. All those things sound loud, but I can stay deeply rooted in my body, in this level of my body.

John: Yes.

Q: Okay. Is it important for me to search for experience in my body?

John: Be in my bones while you are having your experiences. How you experience your self then won’t encase you.

Q: While I experience the contrast between this clarity and my every-day experience, I can just stay focused on the space beneath the issues.

John: There is nothing else.

Conveying Deeper Sexuality

Q: I have a question about sexuality. My question is how, as a parent, to guide an adolescent in a correct way, in a good way, into their sexual power?

John: Sexuality is for communion, but it’s typicallly related to as an appetite. Its introduction awakens a physical appetite. What it is really for is for meeting and for communion. Sexuality is really for the communication of your being, the communication of all of your deeper levels, through your heart, into your self and through your body. As soon as sexuality is confined to the context of the body, and the appetite within the body, then sexuality is completely misunderstood. It’s given power in a way that doesn’t belong. The power of sexuality doesn’t belong to a physical gratification, or being experimental; It belongs to what we are as beings.

Q: I understand what you’re saying. The question is how to communicate that to my son.

John: The way to communicate the meaning of sexuality is by you coming from the deeper levels of sexuality. The deeper levels of sexuality are what give sexuality its meaning. The deeper levels of sexuality are what you have in your deeper levels that enables you to meet with anything. When you’re in nature, as soon as you are in your heart, and you’re in nature, you experience the energy of nature and the beingness of nature. That interaction is your deeper sexuality. It’s your deeper sexuality that enables you to meet and commune. When a child understands meeting and communing with such things as nature, or an animal, or your self, or its own heart, then you have the basis to communicate what sexuality is for. It’s for the direct, physical transmission of that. That immediately brings sexuality into a sacredness, and not something that is just simply available for use.

Deeper sexuality is the movement of being. When the being moves through a baby, a baby has direct access into you. Let a child hold a baby. It has direct access into the child and the child knows it. The child doesn’t understand it, but when the awareness of the child is there to what’s actually occurring from within the baby to the child, the child is taken by that and loves that. So you can show in practical ways like that how the deeper levels move, how they open. Introduce it to a child and a child is really awakened in that, then a child goes around looking for the deeper levels in everything because it loves finding them. When it finds them in anything, in a tree or a baby, in nature, or in its own heart, its own deeper levels open and it loves learning, meeting and communion.

Once a child understands that, a child will have a rich comprehension of what sexuality is for. The meaning of sexuality is to make physical the richness of this depth. Then when a child comes into the opening and the movement of its own hormones and it starts to experience hormonal sexuality, then it has an energy that can be pour back in to the deeper levels. As soon as it’s used just simply for the surface, then the hormones become more invigorated and exercised, and it puts the focus where it doesn’t belong. When the energy that is available within the movement of the hormones in the body is given back to the deeper levels, and the deeper levels of sexuality are already understood, the child already comprehends it. The child grows up comprehending it. As soon as the child is turned inward then that feeds the deeper levels. It feeds even more what the child was already coming into. So the movement of those hormones has a different context than what it originally feels like in the body. When that energy is directed to subtlety within, that’s the development of a pattern that’s required within the physical movement of sexuality that keeps sexuality from moving into coarseness and redirects it to move into what the being is.

When it’s used to feed an appetite, then there’s going to be a separation from being. When it’s used to feed the deeper levels that are already awakened to, then it brings out one’s being. When children even begin to realize some of this, children love it. It’s really exciting for them. It’s more exciting for a child to comprehend unseen levels within, and unseen movement within, than something that’s fixed outside of themselves. Instead of looking at something, they love seeing within. Once that’s introduced to them they learn quickly. When children are put into the way, into deeper ways, children absorb. They’re natural responders. As soon as they recognize and comprehend a deeper meaning and a deeper value, they naturally love that. If they’re not awakened to that, then they’ll more naturally move in what they experience in their body.

Q: What I understand is that that’s the next most important thing to do to prepare this foundation, that when the sexuality is moving into a hormonal and physical sense, that the child is, in a way, prepared already to direct that into deeper levels.

John: By first awakening them to the deeper levels of sexuality.

Q: How?

John: The deeper levels of sexuality have nothing to do with sex. They have to do with meeting and communion, and that is what is available to children within and outside of themselves. As soon as they are awakened to that, they have the context.

Q: And we as parents, as a couple, we are the example for him.

John: Yes

Q: So as you said in one of the meetings today, the strongest way to learn is by example. That means for us to be really honest and to really be true, to really love.

John: When you and your wife are being physical together in sexuality, if you’re both moving your deeper levels, then what you’re doing really is making love. When you are, in fact, through the physical, making what love is, it’s only the deeper levels within, the levels of your being, that move. If you’re not moving those levels, you’re not making love. You’re not making what love is.

When it seems like nothing is there, and you’re beginning with the deeper levels in each of you, then you’ll be making love from scratch, working with all of the real ingredients. As you bring them together you’re making what love is. When you do that together with your wife, the energy of that goes into both of you. It fills the house. The house, the home, is filled with a density of what love really is. When you and your wife are in what love making really is, when you later hold a child, that energy goes into the child. The way the child experiences it is nurture. It is love. A child doesn’t experience sexuality. It experiences its deeper levels, and they move towards you because yours are active.

Read moreConveying Deeper Sexuality

Quieted in Your Sexuality

Q: I had a dream I want to share. There were two men that wanted to kill me and I did everything I could to hide, to escape. I stole a car and left them behind. Finally I found the place very remote and hidden where I was safe, and the men were waiting for me, and said, ‘hello, here you are.’ I knew they were going to kill me, and I knew I was able to stop the dream, but there was some kind of curiosity to see how it would go and they killed me. It was only quiet. I woke up and the first thought I had was ‘I could have had that quicker and easier without all that running and hiding and trying to escape.’ Is that something that I would see on my deathbed if I don’t immediately, fully respond to what I know?

John: Yes, in your dream you need only to be you and not what you’re thinking and feeling. When in your dream you were simply being you, there’s nothing for you to fight or run away from. When you are simply being you, everything stops, you relax, and everything that’s taking place toward you doesn’t threaten you.

In your dream, you’re an irritant to your self, and you in your self react to you irritating your self, so you’re playing out these two parts. When you completely relax in your dream, there are no longer two parts. There’s no longer any kind of game. There’s just you profoundly okay as is.

Q: Was the curiosity a kind of relaxation? It was clear to me what would happen and there was no fear.

John: That’s because you were relaxed in what you knew. You were relaxed in you. When you are being you instead of what you think and feel in your self, you don’t fear, you can’t relate to fear, and you love.

Q: For some time now I don’t hear with my physical ears, but with other kind of ears in my belly or beneath my belly, moving there and activating something. I hardly can feel my heart, so do I have this kind of ears in my belly because my heart centre is closed?

John: You have it lower because your heart is opening, even if you can hardly feel it.

Q: When you said everything is pounding open, it feels like since then I was closing on some level. On another level it feels like something different is opening, but it comes from beneath the heart. This is a different opening now, from some years ago. It feels more direct and real. There is a sense that something is coming together. This really has to do with me.

John: It’s a deeper level of your base chakra that is opening. When you are fundamentally quieted, within, and that quieting begins to stabilize your self, when it begins to quiet your self, your own foundation shifts. Your foundation ceases to be about security and it begins to open into a deeper level. Your foundation begins to move as your own deeper womanness. The well-being of your self begins to come from your deeper womanness.

Q: Womanness has to do with the base chakra, and with sexuality?.

John: A surface sense of security has to do with the surface of your womanness. When you are all about your security in your self, you’ll be living in a surface level of your womanness, which is a masculine use of womanness. As your heart opens and the opening of your heart begins to settle deeper into you and deeper into your self, your deeper heart opening, as little as it may seem to be, begins to affect your sexuality in a way that’s uncommon to you. It’s a different level of your sexuality that moves.

Q: Yes. It has less to do with sexuality I am familiar with, but feels more like a basic life energy.

John: It’s a nurturing life energy. As that moves, there’s nothing for you to do with it. All there is is for you to be warmed in it. Be warmed while your lower energy center opens from within a deeper level. It’s a deeper level of that energy center. For you to be in the midst of that in the same way you know to be in your heart, just quietly warmed, what you really are gets to come a little bit more into form and have more substance. Your own being through that level is beginning to come into your body and into your experience in a way that is thicker. It’s your own being having fuller access into your existence, your being coming into existence.

Q: I have a really subtle sense of that.

John: Within that subtle sense you realize that the movement of your sexuality is subtly different, and it’s that difference that has your attention. It’s within that subtle difference, because it is of a deeper level, that when your sexuality moves, your being moves. It’s there that your sexuality is directly connected to your being. That’s not the level of sexuality that you’re accustomed to. This level of your sexuality doesn’t address your self. It doesn’t move your self. It subtlely moves your being. It’s the beginning of your sexuality belonging to your being.

As this becomes stronger and stronger, if you remain quieted in it and gentled in it, like an openness and a softness of heart, in the midst of it, the more that your sexuality moves on that level, the more your being is moved. In this way, through your own sexuality and its movement, your being is drawn up into your heart because that’s why it moves, and from there your being is drawn up into your self.

Then what begins to take place is that everything that deeply touches your heart moves your deeper sexuality. It moves your sexuality in the way that you’re awakening. As your sexuality moves, your being moves. As your being moves, your sexuality moves. The flow is like a figure of 8, instead of what you’re accustomed to of your sexuality, that when your sexuality moves, your self is activated, so the loop of sexuality moves in your self and stays in your self. In this awakening, your sexuality is connected directly to your being. Any movement of your being moves your sexuality. Any movement of your sexuality moves your being.

Q: And that is a loop?

John: The figure of 8. If you reference your self within this movement, you begin to break the connection, making the movement of your sexuality about your self. Your sexuality on a deeper level in the way that it’s opening is all about how nurtureful your own being is, and how the movement of your own being settles your self. The movement of your own being brings about a deep level of quietness in your self. In that, when your sexuality moves, your being moves. When either moves, your self becomes quiet and there’s a profound listening in your self. Within your self you can hear. You can hear a level of meaning. You’re attentive to a level of meaning that’s transforming you.

Q: So, this is why I have the sense of hearing differently?

John: Yes. For this to move in your body is safe. There isn’t anything for you to do with it. It moves in whichever way it does and you are simply warmed in it. When you’re warmed in it, it is your own being that continues to move as your sexuality moves.

Q: It’s drawing me deep down, but it’s only safe as long as the figure of 8 is not interrupted.

John: The figure of 8 in all of its movement is real and good and safe. It’s your own being coming into your body, coming into manifestation, and it’s changing your sexuality. It’s bringing your sexuality back to what it belongs to. It’s like a second puberty, but this time it’s a profound awakening. It is you going through puberty again because of the movement of your own being. The basis of it isn’t what your sexuality was about before. It isn’t the same as what the movement of your sexuality was before.

If it moves powerfully, don’t be alarmed by it. If it moves powerfully, you’re fine. It doesn’t matter how powerfully the figure of 8 moves, it’s all profound goodness. You’re safe in it. You don’t need to do anything with it. It doesn’t matter what you think and feel about it. What you know in it of its depth and its quality, that’s what you’re saying ‘yes’ to; that’s what you’re resting in; that’s what you’re warmed in.

This is going to bring up a depth of womanness that isn’t characteristic of your self. It’s altogether deeper and more than your self. This brings up a level of womanness, a depth of real womanness, that you’re not experienced in. You need no prior experience. By opening and softening in your heart you know your way in this.

Q: It feels like you’re opening a new land that’s laying in front of me.

John: Live in this land. It’s your new ground. Its movement is based completely on you just simply remaining in your heart. Regardless of how this can be of any kind of turbulence to your self or in your self, you remain gentled and quieted, warmed in your heart, and all is good. It isn’t just a different sexuality. What comes with it into your self, into your body, and into your life, is a different reality. It’s the reality of your being landing in your self. Everything that it lands in, it changes. If you were ninety years old and this occurs, it would be the same. It’s a different level of your body that moves by different laws. They’re laws by which your being moves. Without these laws, your self couldn’t even exist, even though your self is not yet coordinated with these laws.

Read moreQuieted in Your Sexuality

Quiet Wonderment in Sexuality

John: Going underground is you responding to what you know but don’t yet understand. That brings you into what is unseen underneath your self, deeper within than your self, and then growing from there like a seed. Eventually what grows comes up into your self. It isn’t first understood and seen. It is known and relaxed into. At first it is sheltered from your experience. It comes into your experience after it has taken root, making the experience not based on what you’re accustomed to in your self, and it will change your self because you are rooted in and coming from what is deeper. As you come from this, you give him access to this in you, forming a relationship that is first based on what you know, cannot see, and don’t understand. That gives him direct access into the truth in you, sheltered from your selves and then brought into your selves.

Q: That has a lot to do with losing control in my experience.

John: Giving control to what you know but cannot yet see or understand; you giving control to the truth you know in you. You’re not losing it; you’re giving it. It puts you into dearness with your darling.

Q: Having a relationship first based on what you know, cannot see, and don’t understand.

John: A relationship not based on your selves. It grows out of what is deeper than your selves. It isn’t based on likes and dislikes, but love that comes from the deep. There you don’t first see each other; you know each other. Out of the seeing that comes from that, you eventually come to understand each other. With the first understanding, you forgive each other of what selves you have. That makes room for your selves and your selves are no longer a problem.

It is the environment within which you have your beings together. Love, instead of being unseen, is between the two of you made physical. The levels of your being made real in your selves through your body. Multi-leveled bodies realized. Love isn’t a feeling. Love is how movement is in your being. It’s how your being moves. From what you’re familiar with in your self, you cannot first see it. It comes into your self and becomes seen as you move as the levels of your own being.

Because you are in a body when you move by these levels, they become physical. Instead of being a body of your self, you are a body of your being, filling the body of your self. The infilling transforms it, enabling your self to move as your being moves, and love is then seen.

Q: Does it need to be expressed? At times I feel that it really is much more than sexual desire. It costs more than that.

John: It doesn’t relate to sexual desire and appetite. It relates to your deeper sexuality, your real capacity from within your being to meet and commune. Real sexuality is streams of being comprehended in your body.

Q: Is it giving each other your awakening through your body?

John: Yes.

Q: We’re coming into something of this, and for me, until I sat here, it felt just out of my reach.

John: Then you can’t have it. You can respond to it. As you respond, you reconfigure. As you even a little bit become like your being, you find her everywhere in her body.

Q: How can I respond to it better or more?

John: Begin with dearness. Dearness in you finds her and, in any little way she moves as dearness, you read her and receive her. Your streams of being are what you have to move that in you, in her, and together. Sexuality isn’t for your selves; it’s for your beings.

Q: We give it to our beings in every way we can, and it can take a long time for us to be our beings.

John: To come into it, it doesn’t require maturity. It requires purity. Dearness brings you into purity.

Q: What’s dearness?

John: Heart extension. It cannot occur without you being in your heart and being what you know in your heart. From there, any movement toward each other is the simplest form of love. You are purely dear to each other, despite what selves you have, despite what conditioning and past you have.

Q: And that’s the same as being home, when you’re being in all of your heart and all of what you know in your heart?

John: Yes. Home together without a process. Home together in response to each other. You’ll know each other and you’ll see each other. The effect of that on your selves is quiet wonderment, present in your selves in a way that is not informed by any past. What makes it exquisite is that it’s pure.

Q: Do you need a clean sexuality all the way through for it to be pure?

John: Don’t begin with anything you’re accustomed to. If you do, you misunderstand. Begin in your heart and find the same in her. Begin in your heart, the two of you together and wonderfully inexperienced.

Q: I love the purity.

John: Of course you do. It’s what you really are.

Read moreQuiet Wonderment in Sexuality

Making Real Human Love

Q: Yesterday I decided to really take to heart that you don’t need your self or your past to make love. I found that my body, deeper levels in my self, kept opening and opening, there was a point where there was a barrier and I just kept going, opening and opening and moving through this apparent barrier, and when I did that, I experienced complete ecstasy, and at the same time I started to cry and it was like my heart was breaking for everything I’d taken to heart or believed to stop me going where I went. I have some questions that relate to such an opening and I think it relates to what you were saying to Raissa about deeper sexuality and the subconscious and opening up into consciousness and I’d also really love to ask you about humanness, what you mean by that.

John: Your humanness opens up in the way that you relate within reality to everything and everyone when you are opening and softening in your heart, when you are unconditionally in your heart. Humanness has little to do with your self and everything to do with the opening of your heart into and through all of your self. Your sexuality is your engine in that. It is the engine of your humanness.

When you are not opening and softening in your heart in the midst of your sexuality, when your heart opening and softening isn’t moving into and through your self, sexuality becomes the engine to a self-orientation, securing you not being in your heart, posturing you within your self within attraction and aversion. When you are unconditionally opening and softening in your heart in the movement of your sexuality, that movement, the energy of your sexuality, opens you into a depth of humanness, a depth of reality understood from within a heart-understanding. The movement of your own being fills and fulfills your presence in your heart and your heart-understanding.

Q: I still don’t really have a sense of what humanness is. It kind of seems strange saying that, like a fish asking what water is. We are in our humanness. It’s our true nature.

John: When you are opening and softening, yes. When heart-understanding, your humanness, moves through your self, non-result-oriented kindness moves; authentic kindness moves. As it moves, it is through realized humanness that you comprehend others, which is different from how people are together. Your sexuality connected to your being opens your humanness.

Q: That authentic kindness is authentic love? I have wondered for a long time how making love makes love.

John: The deeper levels of you move the deeper levels of your body, moving the deeper levels of your self, making love physical within the level of your self. It makes love physical in your self. It makes your self like your being, you reproducing your being in your self.

Q: Is that different from the humanness and the authentic kindness that you were speaking of?

John: It accomplishes pure human love, pure human beingness. Your being realized within your self, moving as your self.

Q: Becoming aware of what’s in the subconscious is becoming aware of anything that would hold us back from full expression of what you’re saying?

John: For you to become deeply and fully human, your subconsciousness needs to have free access into your conscious self so that there’s no longer a need in you for there to be a held difference between the two. Then there is just your self, known by you, all occupied with your being-filled heart, a realized and functional human being.

Q: What does it take to let go of that holding, the separation of the subconsciousness and the consciousness?

John: You, in your self, freed of attraction and aversion.

Q: And how is that brought about?

John: By you unconditionally being in your heart, opening and softening. You responding as a being within your self, instead of you within your self moving by attraction and aversion.

Q: I love what you’re saying, John. In some ways it seems quite big, and I keep hearing what you said to me years ago. You said, ‘this isn’t daunting. This is love’.

Read moreMaking Real Human Love

A Shift in What is Human

Q: John, I remember you said for me to gather up all the different seeds of awakening that I’ve been in and to be staid in them. In the meeting it felt like everything gathered in, and it was like I was in my perfect body of knowledge. There was no connection anymore with the stains in myself. My whole perspective was turned inside out and I was in this perfect body of knowledge, and when I’m in it, I see that even when I drop out of it, that the body of knowledge is perfect. When I’m in it, there’s this life to move in. When I spoke with you that afternoon I was in this deep level of love, and it was a kind of love that was about letting everything fall apart.

John: As the seeds of awakening grow from within your heart, they grow into your self, creating and manifesting a different order of self, one that matches the code and the movement of your own being. Anything in your self that is able to relate through tension will eventually be replaced. These seeds of reality, a deeper reality, are not of your self, but of your being. These seeds represent a self-version of your own being at present. They will be counter to how you normally experience your self. They represent a completely different way of relating, being, and moving than what you’re used to in your self. As you are staid in that, it takes the place of familiarity. By that, your being comes into ability within the level of your self. You will be able to move your being outside of your self. Your self comes into the form and the function of your own being, a complete shift in the evolution of what is human, and the emerging of a fundamental shift in reality.

Q: I feel as if my self can’t actually contain the resonance of that, but your speech awakens these seeds in us. It’s like you actually give us the seeds of our future selves.

John: I come from where you’re going. My movements directly awaken your knowledge of that. It takes you out of the stain in your self. You then experience in your self that you are no longer of those stains. The stains no longer have you. It’s when they don’t have you that they no longer hold. As long as the stains have you, you move by them; you feel and think by them. They continue to make your perception of reality, making your reality in your life different from your own being. Your movement in that separates you from your own being.

Q: The stains also remind me of blind spots. It’s the same thing, like when you were speaking about my blind spots in my marriage. I remember when I was experiencing tension with my husband, and I experienced you energetically kind of enter the room. It was like a goldenness came into my living room, and everything of that difficulty was gone. That’s the quality of the movement when I was in my perfect body of knowledge. It’s like a quantum movement as opposed to the normal kind of linear movement. It goes way beyond the self.

John: It comes into form on the level of the self. All of the function that you have as a self gives you an idea of how your own being is able to come into a full function that is comprehensible in your self. However you imagine it, that does give you an idea. You know the resonance.

Q: I can’t consult anything that I think or feel. My self is trying to advise me all the time.

John: Consulting your self in this is comparable to an engineer moving in his or her own expertise and then asking a child if the work is correct. There’s nothing wrong with the child, but addressing the child requires something of the child that the child isn’t capable of. It creates confusion.

Q: What’s the difference between how I move now or how I described to you all those years ago, just after I met you, those four days when I was just flowing and my being was coming through and it was affecting everything. How is that different now?

John: That was a precursor, and now it’s all there. What was moving as a precursor now completely belongs in what you’re stepping into. It’s a real part of what makes up your fundamental shift in what is, for you, human.

Q: When you say the word human, I really love it. There’s a quality to that word, a heart quality. There’s an intimacy to it. It’s like it’s really me, somehow. Can you say more about ‘human?’

John: It is your ability to reach into others that accomplishes in them a ‘yes’ that is a match to their own being. When what you are as human fundamentally shifts and holds, your movement as a self awakens others.

Q: Right now I sense that awakening others is more about not belonging to that network.

John: Your own being, through that shift, moves through that network. Every pathway, made and used by conditioning, your being will move through. It won’t be stained by what has moved in those pathways. With the level of form that you can comprehend in your self, your being will move.

Q: By that do you mean that the movement of my being will be as intimate and natural and really there as the movement in my self now?

John: Yes, with the level of form and function that your self has. When a city is inundated with water, the water will move in all of the streets. Every pathway that has been made will be used. It doesn’t matter the reason of its making.

Q: Those pathways have been made for the purposes of that city. The self was made for the purpose of the self to function in the self-world.

John: It identifies for others, not just within their hearts but within themselves, what they always knew the truth of and didn’t know how to do. The different kind of movement within old pathways directly administers ‘the how.’

Q: So, in a sense, as a group here, that’s what we’re learning to build.

John: Yes.

Q: And I can really see that it’s started to happen in meeting with other people. We’re beginning to use those old pathways in different ways, more in the ways that we’ve been awakened to. And in the same you said to gather up all the different seeds of awakening, is there some way of gathering-up?

John: The gathering-up on a group level is the manifestation of what is unseen into the surface, comprehended within a person, moved within a person, while seen by others. As that keeps taking place, we all slowly comprehend with real form, real function, what is occurring here.

Q: So when someone is really moving in what they know, others can directly take that in.

John: Yes.

Q: And this can only happen by knowing, if we know the truth of that.

John: Yes.

Q: It reminds me of when you were speaking to a woman describing when she was in her 20’s and she was kind of heartbroken and just saying without knowing why, ‘I just want to go home, I just want to go home,’ and then finding a home in this. The other part of it is in gathering all of that together. The other day I wasn’t trying to gather any bit of it. It was as if I was gathering my whole body together. Is that just one way of gathering?

John: The movement of your own sexuality if your sexuality is directly connected to your being.

Q: How I’m understanding what you’re saying is that there’s something about sexuality, like a special connectivity between everything. Is that right?

John: It’s there to connect everything in your body that is just like your own being, bringing your being into physicality, not on the terms of anything understood, but on the terms of what you know the truth of directly.

Q: I feel I’m drawing that in very deeply.

John: Everything you have known the truth of, your body knows.

Q: When you talk about the physicality of the body, it feels different to when you talk about the deeper levels of the body or that there’s more formless, ethereal kind of bodies. Here you really mean the physicality of the body.

John: Yes, when your sexuality is connected directly to your being and not oriented to your self, the movement of your sexuality brings your being directly into your self. The movement of your sexuality awakens and aligns the levels of your self and everything in your self to your own being. It makes your sexuality the greatest human power you have. Exploit it and, with the power it inherently has, sexuality will connect everything that’s unintegrated in your self, making your self in your experience the point of everything, to the exclusion of your own being. Your body becomes conditioned by your being and its movement, and it beautifully brings your self along.

Q: I see that it’s all about proximity, proximity to awakening, proximity to you.

John: Your deeper-level relating is all coming together and coming into adolescence. Your function as a being is developing. As it does, it alters how you comprehend reality. This isn’t to put you into a direct doing. This addresses what you know. As that develops, then you know to, but not yet how. Be staid in this, and you’ll see.

Q: Thank you, John. I just really love the permission just to be staid in not knowing how, just knowing, knowing, knowing to and not knowing how. I want to just to share something I’ve always wanted to share with you, and it’s actually lyrics of a song that I heard years ago, and when I heard it, it was like, ‘that’s how I want to move.’ It’s a Leonard Cohen song and it’s these lyrics and it says: ‘I want to travel with him and I want to travel blind. And I know that I can trust him because he’s touched my perfect body with his mind.’ I just love that so much. I just love the traveling blind, the not knowing how to. When I heard that, I thought, ‘how does he know that? How does Leonard Cohen know that?’ Thank you, John.

As Awareness Relaxes it Rests in What it Knows

Q:  A week ago I shared with you that I felt higher frequency in my belly, and you said it was deeper willingness which hadn’t integrated in my self. Last week when I was walking in the park, I felt a similar frequency in my body and yesterday in my feet and now while I’m sitting here, that frequency is in my feet and in my hands. Is this frequency also relating to deeper willingness?

John: Indirectly. It started with deeper willingness and then you didn’t stop it. More kept opening in you.

Q: When I came back from Japan, I didn’t have this willingness to relate to the truth I know or the willingness to even try to, and you said willingness is in your self so it was ok that it was gone.

John: It being gone as an experience is good. Deeper willingness is the opening and softening of your will. It can be experienced, but it doesn’t need to be an experience.

Q: If experienced, is it real?

John: What is real is what you know in it. Realness is the absence of anything put on what you know. It isn’t first an experience. It isn’t generated in your self. It’s a fruit of being.

Q: So then this higher frequency experienced in my self, in my body, is a fruit of being?

John: It’s the result of your cumulative responses to what you’ve known. Your responses kept adding up until it tipped into this experience. The willingness, the deeper willingness, has been there for some time.

Q: Where does deeper willingness come from?

John: Openness of heart. Anything good in your self comes from openness of heart, from softness of heart.

Q: How does awareness becoming pure relate to deeper willingness? What is the relationship between deeper willingness and awareness being planted in knowing?

John: Inevitability. When awareness is being planted in knowing, it’s only a matter of time and the deeper level of your will begins to open through your openness and softness of will. It is where your will becomes a little bit like your being.

Q: When the will becomes a little bit like the being, is that deeper willingness?

John: Yes, and a little bit of your being then has a little bit of form on the level of your self. On the level of your self, it is like a little sprout of your being.

Q: I have asked you in the past about my orientation as awareness. In the last Spring seminar I saw I could relate to other than experience, any experience, as awareness. I was so excited about that because then I’m free, but then I lost that.

John: That’s good.

Q: Because I was doing something in my self?

John: Ultimately it doesn’t matter because you’re still responding to a deeper level of awareness.

Q: When I say I’m aware of something, that is on the level of my self?

John: You saw the reflection of something deeper. You became excited in your self because of what you knew you were knowing. That made you do a little dance and you stepped on your sprout, but it keeps growing. It’s fine. In your excitement you didn’t realize what you stepped on. It’s like dancing with joy for what you’ve realized in your self and accidentally switching off the lights.

Q: I learned from the dark. You said when you have full response your awareness becomes pure.

John: Full response to what you know.

Q: I know my awareness isn’t pure. My heart sometimes is clean but it is not pure yet. Without it having pure awareness, how can I respond fully to what I know?

John: When you relax as awareness, response to what you know is all you have. As awareness relaxes, it rests in what it knows.

Q: When I respond more, I don’t feel like relaxing.

John: Your not feeling like reacting is a fruit of being. When awareness responds to what it knows, and comes to rest in what it knows, it doesn’t even resist the temptation to react; it can’t relate to reacting. Its nature is love.

Q: With no emotion or no feeling?

John: There is feeling. It’s a different level of feeling, a level of feeling that is too little to be of interest to your self.

Q: I read your book in Japanese and I realized you’re doing this purely for the sake of truth. Before that, I thought you are doing this for us, but it is purely for the sake of truth.

John: In you. Not just the truth – the truth in you.

Q: Truth in each of us.

John: (Nods)

Q: I love that so much. So then even if we are not aware of getting it, still we are getting it as others do. It’s amazing. It’s love.

John: It’s love without a face. It doesn’t relate to being experienced.

Q: That’s such a freedom: no need to be experienced.

John: That’s what your being is like. Openness and softness of heart is the beginning of this.

Q: We are born with openness and softness of heart naturally, right?

John: Before you’re even born, you’re far more than openness and softness.

Q: Do you mean in mother’s womb or before being in a mother’s womb? When we are in a mother’s womb, do we have a heart?

John: At some point, yes.

Q: So before that, then we are only being? And after we die, we’ll be only being again?

John: And everything that you’ve integrated, anything in your self that has become just like your being.

Q: After we die, what is unintegrated in the self where does that go?

John: It becomes everyone else’s homework. What is unintegrated attracts what is unintegrated. When you die, everything in your self that hasn’t become integrated, that isn’t like your being, joins what is unintegrated in everyone else.

Q: Everyone else’s self?

John: (Nods)

Q: It feels like the frequency became finer. Is this frequency the electromagnetism that you spoke about?

John: It’s the electromagnetism of your being. As it registers in your body, it comes into your nervous system and makes your nervous system a tiny little bit more like your being.

Q: Sometimes I wonder if all at once my body becomes like my being maybe I’ll go crazy.

John: You might get excited, go into a dance and break your sprout, but no opening of your being into your self can make you crazy. Having aversion to anything in your thinking is crazy-making. Disliking or having a need to get away from it is crazy-making.

Relax as awareness until you are simply at rest in what you know. The craziness goes away and you heal. For awareness at rest in what it knows, there isn’t anything to fear. Everyone is a little crazy until they heal. If it isn’t healing, it’s getting worse. Its healing comes by you, awareness, being simply rested in what you know. It works. Nothing else really works.

In the Passageway to a Future Self

Q: I’d like to talk about flow that is coming out of my head. Am I correct when I say that ability is coming from there?

John: (Nods)

Q: I also told you, a few years ago, that I had these abilities and you said to me ‘it’s too much for you. You said it differently, but basically ‘just keep your hands off,’ and so now I’m asking you, ‘am I safe?’

John: Yes

Q: I know new abilities are there, but I don’t know what they are, or how to take care of that, how to be with that?

John: Be in it when it is there and where it is.

Q: You said to me to not not to do anything with it, but just to be aware of that movement, then I’ll be with it. Right?

John: You know what you’re talking about, so it doesn’t matter much how you say it. You’re now in what opened in you years ago.

Q: Because I’m more home?

John: (Nods)

Q: Is there anything that you see that I can still take better care of?

John: Apprehend all that apprehends you.

Q: So in recognizing what’s grows, it has possibility to grow?

John: As you realize newness and newness plugs into you, you plug-in directly to what you’re knowing. Your thinking and your self aren’t big enough for what you’re plugging into. As you plug into what you’re realizing and what you know, you’re going to be moving past your normal thinking. You won’t be relating to your self, which is going to change your self.

Q: Especially my brain, right? My brain needs to be a little bit different, I think.

John: If you’re going to think at all of your self in this, let it not be of your present self but of your future self. In what you’re opening to, your future self is in sight. It is a little bit in view. If you relate to your present self, you can’t see it. While you are in what’s opening in you, think of your future self and you can see it, and that lets your present self be behind you. There’s a passageway between your present self and your future self. Be in that passageway. Live in that passageway.

Q: Is this the passageway?

John: Yes

Q: It’s a little bit like falling into the future.

John: It’s a different level of space and time. It isn’t space and time as you know it in your self. The passageway is a configuration of your deeper levels, with you moving as that configuration. You’re not just in it; you’re moving as it.

Quieted in your Heart in the Midst of the Fire of your Sexuality

Q: Something that’s been coming up for me recently is my connection with women, and how there’s a fire in some of the connections. I know that fire can be good, but just not letting it overtake me.

John: If you reference your self in it, it will overtake your self. Be quieted in your heart in the midst of that fire, without directing the fire anywhere in your self, without making the fire less or without having any apology for the fire, and it will in time connect directly to your being because of what you’re connecting to in your heart. When you are in it without making reference to your self in it, it purifies your self. It aligns your self to what you’re being in your heart. It aligns your self to your being. Be completely in the energy without you being about that energy. Whatever that energy does in your self, you’re not about that. That makes it safe with you. That makes others safe with you.