Q: I have a burning question about a relationship with a man I’ve been with for some time. I dread being with him, basically. I shut down, and I don’t know if that signifies an ending. When I’m away from him I have space and feel light again. I don’t know if to stay or go, or whether this is some kind of mirror for me.

John: In your self you’re finished with him, and that’s a limiting kind of self. It reveals that you’re in relationship on the terms of your self...

Q: John, I wanted to thank you for your response to my question last time you were here; it’s helped me a lot. What I wanted to ask today was for some help. I find that I have a lot of fear and a lot of confusion around relationships. I feel like I’ve been going around and around in circles for years.

John: You could completely leave relationship alone until you become the kind of person you would most want to be in relationship with…

Q: I’ve often found in our relationship that the real behavior coming from my self is coming from the avoidance of the intensity of the fire of the relationship.

John: That fire will only burn what’s perishable. Stay in it and at all costs to your self, open and soften your heart. See her afresh, in the midst of the calloused familiarity.

Q: Sometimes the feelings and thoughts and emotions seem to be so convincing that it feels like doing that is not honest…

Q: I’m sitting in the chair today with my partner, and I can see so many things that I do that are protecting my heart when it comes to loving him. I would really love to know how to love a man and be so open and vulnerable. I feel like I protect my self a lot. I don’t know if it’s that I don’t have a self that is free to love. I feel like my heart is almost closed.

John: Give up every orientation to being either right or wrong…