Responding as that Level

Q: Can I respond more?

John: As a deeper level opens, you can respond as that level. Such a response is what is required for you to really come into that level. You don’t really know the level until you’re responding as that level.

Q: So I have to completely go into that level?

John: Yes.

Q: And be that level?

John: By responding as that level.

Q: And then that changes whatever it changes?

John: Yes. You moving as a deeper level will alter your self. When you follow-through, moving as a deeper level, you begin a reconfiguration of your self that doesn’t stop until your self is like that level, that deeper level that you respond to; that you respond to being as and moving as.

Q: The…the experience of it is quite strong now, but I…I as….I imagine that that’s not necessarily gonna…going to stay and so I’m also really…been aware of what I’m knowing in it, but in…in the responding as that level, that is different, isn’t it?

John: Yes.

Q: And not having filters or boundaries in it is letting it move and change whatever needs to change?

John: It means that any consultation with your self is of no value to you. It has no voice for you.

Q: Okay.

John: Whatever you think and feel in your self is of no consideration when you respond as a deeper level. The way of having movement comes exclusively from the level, within, that you respond to. You come to that by relating only to that level. You won’t be looking back to familiarity to check how you’re doing or to make sure that all is safe.

A deeper level within is a form, a level of pure you. Your movement as that requires only you. If you include your self in that movement, you won’t move as a deeper level; you’ll move as your self. You need to be able to move exclusively as a deeper level for you to be that level in the midst of your self. You can’t be that level in the midst of your self if you’re not first being that level without your self, without any use of your self.

Q: So that’s pure response? There’s no consultation?

John: Yes. In the same way, the use of your person doesn’t help you be in your self. The use of your self doesn’t help you be in your heart, and the use of your self will certainly not help you be levels, deeper than your own heart.

Q: So all of it comes from that level?

John: Movement that is of that level comes from that level. Then when you move as your self, you’re not separate from that deeper level. When you have relinquished your self to respond as a deeper level, you have really come into that level. You’ve made it your home. As you resume your self, your self, by you, will be steeped in that deeper level. Being your self won’t be quite the same.

Q: And we have to completely relinquish the self and move as that first?

John: For you to move as a deeper level, yes. You can be your self while being awakened to a deeper level, but you cannot be your self for you to move as that deeper level.

Q: There’s definitely a higher seeing that’s part of this.

John: Yes.

Q: And there’s something about a higher seeing, but also really being in my feet.

John: It’s a different level of grounding. The grounding changes from being grounded in your self to being grounded in your heart to being grounded in knowing. Each level deeper seems to be less, but you know it is more.

Q:  So it’s like having  my own feet in knowing?

John: With knowing being safe. You act, you move, by what you know. It puts you into a completely different level of action, a level of action that in your self you’re clueless about. When you awaken to a deeper level, you’re not clueless — you know.

Q: And then it’s only that knowing, you said, that we move by and act by?

John: Yes, and that takes you completely past your self.

Q: You said something about safe, but I didn’t quite get that.

John: Familiarity is not safe. Familiarity is safe where you know it’s safe. Knowing is safe within your self and familiarity, but also beyond your self and beyond familiarity.

Q: So if we’re grounded in knowing, then we might be moving in what’s familiar in the self, but also in what’s not familiar in the self?

John: Yes.

Q: It’s just about the knowing?

John: Within familiarity and beyond it.

Q: So it might be that there’s no seeing or no experience?

John: Yes.

Q: Yeah.

John: Enough dialogue about it. The deeper levels are active. Come in.

Bringing Every Pattern Into Its Own Fire

Q: John, I wanted to thank you for your response to my question last time you were here; it’s helped me a lot. What I wanted to ask today was for some help. I find that I have a lot of fear and a lot of confusion around relationships. I feel like I’ve been going around and around in circles for years.

John: You could completely leave relationship alone until you become the kind of person you would most want to be in relationship with. It isn’t a goal; it is a reality.

At present you’re able as awareness to be true to knowledge in the midst of any kind of relationship, but being true to knowledge will certainly be painful to your self. It means that you will always be bigger than what your self is, bigger than your own experience, bigger than any of the pining of patterns. When you don’t give your body food there will be physical suffering; if you give your body the incorrect food there will be physical suffering. When you’re not giving the patterns in your self the energy they demand, according to a feeling and an experience, your self will suffer. It isn’t a wrong suffering or a bad suffering. It is your self detoxifying. The patterns will go through withdrawals.

You can stop the suffering in your self by simply giving the pattern in your self the energy that it demands. You’ll feel better in your self in a superficial way, but in a profound way as awareness you will have compromised what you knew the truth of. Being as awareness true to knowledge in the midst of your self is a pain to your self. Oneness, in the midst of what isn’t one, hurts. The patterned self isn’t one; it doesn’t become one without your being oneness in it. Oneness in your self isn’t without development, the development of your self. It doesn’t occur without pain in your self.

You’re able as awareness to sustain being one with knowing in the midst of whatever self you have without having to address something in your self first. There’s always some experience of lack in your self. There isn’t anything wrong with the lack. The lack in your self is an issue of development, not an issue of you. Your self doesn’t need to develop for you to be all of you in it. Being that in your self is nurtureful guidance to your self that won’t necessarily feel good. When you do, as awareness, move past a pattern in your self, in your being more than what that pattern is, you feel the fire within the pattern. It awakens the pattern to everything that that pattern is, enabling you to understand in your heart exactly and deeply what it is in your self that you’re moving past.

For you as awareness to be one, you do not need to change your self for you to be what oneness is within your self. The change of your self is all your responsibility. To resist any knowledge of that is for awareness to resist knowing, awareness being the cause of its own departure from oneness. Within that, the self is innocent; the patterned self is innocent; the patterns are innocent. There is no split because of the self, because of the person, because of another self or another person. There is no split because of a circumstance. There is no split because of anything that happens to you. If there’s a split, it is because of you, you as awareness in some departure from knowing resisting being what you know the truth of, awareness being separate from knowing.

You don’t need to be the kind of self and the kind of person that you would want to be in relationship with. For you to be in your self, and for you to be in your self with another self, and to be so as persons is the bringing eventually of every pattern in your self into its own fire, and it isn’t too much for you. It’s only too much if you do separate from the tiniest little bit of knowing. Then immediately your self will be too much for you. Your patterns will be too much for you. The patterns in the other self, in the other person, will all be too much. If you’re separate from the tiniest little bit of knowing, that will immediately be projected by you onto your innocent self and onto the other person.

Having a self doesn’t confuse you. Being in relationship as a self with another self and within your person with another person doesn’t confuse you. Your being separate from the tiniest little bit of knowing has you needing confusion to cover that the separation is yours. The need for confusion makes you a victim of your own thinking. It projects the problem outwards. Oneness isn’t a release from suffering in your self; it is a release from all suffering that is the result of awareness being separate from knowing.

Read moreBringing Every Pattern Into Its Own Fire

Delicateness of Being in the Midst of Emptiness

Q: I’ve found some real clarity around how I’ve used my intelligence to create this philosophy of working on my self and growing and healing. I see that there’s goodness in that and I also see how I’ve used it to be less than what I am. I choose to use experiences and relationships to minimize discomfort. I’m seeing emptiness in everything.

John: Emptiness is a wonderful bed for you to lie down in and to enter realization. As awareness, lying down in emptiness has you realizing the presence of all of the collectibles in your heart and realizing that on a heart level you don’t need them.

Development of every kind, spiritual development, inner development, the development of your self, compresses emptiness unless you do as awareness return to your first home – knowledge, being at home within knowing. Later, every kind of development is then according to knowledge if the fine line most worth realizing is being okay as is in emptiness. What the emptiness provides for you in realization is that you are in need of nothing.

When you are in your heart in need of nothing, you are open to knowing. Knowing doesn’t provide anything but knowledge. If that’s enough then you have everything.

Q: Where does movement come from out of that lying down in emptiness? I make myself a victim of this pain that I’m with. It becomes a wallowing instead of an acceptance. So if I find my bed in that emptiness I’m still in my life. So how do I stay in bed and still live?

John: Warmly having need of nothing enables you in your living to not be taking anything. That leaves you as delicateness of being in the midst of your living, delicateness of being in the midst of emptiness, in the midst of pain. When pain is quietly of no use to you, then pain on its own opens up the deep in you. With delicateness of being there are no hooks in your descent. When there are no hooks in your descent there’s no distraction from realization.

You’ll be realizing as awareness what you’re knowing. The realization turns into seeing. You’ll be seeing everything as you’ve not seen it before, seeing without having need of anything. It lets the seeing permeate everything. You’re rooted as awareness in knowledge. Your movement is that of your own being, and you have your self through which to express the goodness of it without reward even in the midst of reward.

In warmly having need of nothing, you will have as awareness everything according to knowledge, every level of development according to knowledge. All of the terms are according to knowledge. You’ll be living in your heart, in your self, and in your life, liking and loving believing knowledge. Of that comes all of your beingness, all of your doing, all of your reason for being and doing.

Everything matters, and all that matters is wonderfully dependent on the knowing within that defines it. As soon as need defines what matters then in your heart you’re lost. To lie down in the emptiness of that, you’re home in realizing, realizing what you know the truth of, realizing what you know the truth of in your heart, whether that gives you understanding or not.

Read moreDelicateness of Being in the Midst of Emptiness

Working Out Your Nervous System

Q: We were driving home and I realized my heart was opening and I felt so much pain. I felt I didn’t want to go to meetings anymore because I was so scared. I felt I was naked and everyone had a knife and could cut me at any time. I was just scared and I’m still scared.

John: It’s easy for something to hurt your body. It’s difficult for something to hurt your self, and it is isn’t possible for anything to hurt you. Your experiencing that you can be hurt is really your experience of your own nervous system. It isn’t your experience of your self and it isn’t your experience of your heart. As your nervous system changes, your experience of what hurts you changes. When you really come to know what your heart is, then you come to realize that, within, you are not damageable even though you can feel everything and it is okay to feel everything. For you to feel more involves more of you. That makes you feel more vulnerable. It doesn’t actually make you more vulnerable.

When you protect your self in the way that you’re used to, when you protect your heart in the way that you’re used to, you’re not actually protecting something. You’re actually limiting you and stopping you. You’re closing down your actual capacity, your actual capacity to receive what seems that you’re not able to receive. You have your experience and you make a judgment based on your own experience of what your capacity is within. You misinform your self in that.

Trust something deeper within that you’re knowing a little bit. Trust that more than trusting your experience to tell you everything of what is actually occurring. The more trust, the more you open, the more you feel.

Q: But I trust my body.

John: When you don’t want to feel hurt, you’re trusting your nervous system. Your nervous system won’t open if you’re not opening within your own body. You can open in an instant within all of your body. As you’re being that in your own body, it takes time, perhaps even a long time, for your nervous system to open and change as much.

When you open in your body beyond what you’re comfortable with in your body, you’re moving past the comfort zone of your own nervous system. You’re stretching your nervous system. When you stretch it, it grows, it opens, it changes. When you stretch a muscle, it isn’t comfortable. It hurts. You need to stretch, even though it hurts. You understand the value of stretching. Apply that understanding to stretching your self, to stretching your own nervous system, to stretching the openness of your heart. All of it hurts and it’s all good.

If you’re uninformed and you stretch your muscle somewhat and it hurts, it will be easy for you to think in an uninformed state that you’re doing something wrong and you can make a judgment within. Then never stretch any muscle because it hurts when you do it; therefore you’re doing harm to your body when you stretch.

Q: But it’s all good?

John: You know that opening is good. It’s only when pain and hurt accompany the opening that you easily draw the conclusion that that’s damaging you. If you believe what you’re thinking in that, you’ll secure the conclusion and you’ll act on it and you’ll stop opening. You’ll stop stretching and everything becomes tight.

When you first realize the goodness of opening and you’re knowing it, you’re knowing the truth of it. That knowledge is worth more than the experience that follows. Experience doesn’t inform you. Knowledge informs you. There’s knowledge that is in the experience, but don’t just believe what you experience. Don’t take it all at face value. Discern what it is that you’re knowing the truth of in the midst of your experience. Then, when you experience something, that has you coming into realization. You begin to realize what you are knowing in the midst of your experience.

Q: So when I felt I was opening, I really stretched my self?

John: And before you felt the pain in that, you knew the truth in that and you loved it.

Don’t believe everything that you experience just because you experience it. Discern what you know the truth of in the midst of it. What if you have never worked out before and you decide to work out a little bit and it hurts and you’re somewhat confused, so you tell someone that it hurts and that person tells you it’s quite all right, keep going. You’re unsure but you’re trusting. The next day your whole body is really hurting and really sore. It would be easy for you to draw the conclusion that you are a fool. You shouldn’t have done what was hurting and now you have the proof of it to never do it again.

Stretch your self and be always giving your self work-outs. Stretch your nervous system. Stretch your mind. Work out your nervous system and your mind.

Q: How?

John: Open, within, and as soon as it hurts don’t recoil just because it hurts. Get to know how things actually work within and then live by what you have come to know the truth of.
When someone isn’t moving along fast enough for you and you have to wait, if you feel impatient, impatience hurts. It’s uncomfortable. It’s another level of hurt. If you listen to the hurt, it will be easy for you to draw the conclusion that the other person is doing something to you and that you need to stop what that person is doing to protect your self from that hurt.

Carefully examine every little way within everything in your life. Carefully examine hurt and you’ll realize how much of it you already understand and you already have perspective in, that you already know the truth of and that you’ve grown from. That you have grown immediately tells you there is much more for you to grow in. Then based on what you have already realized and learned, love realizing and learning, and you won’t stop the moment something hurts. You’ll realize instead. The truth of it is that you love realizing and you love learning. Have that on every level, within, that you’re capable of having awareness of.

Q: Do I just grow by stretching?

John: Yes, while really listening, within, while stretching. There’s a lot of information to take in while you’re stretching. Really open, within, and love really listening.

Q: I don’t know how to show more that I’m not a little kid.

John: Part of you is a little kid. There are aspects of that that need to never go away, and there are other aspects of that that you know, within, to let go of, that you know to move past. There’s a sorting out in that also hurts. Don’t not sort it out just because there is some hurt in it. Within every stage of your development there’ll be more that you come into that needs to be sorted out. Some of it you actually know to keep and some of it you actually know to let go of. If you’re being really sensitive, you’ll keep the good of every stage of development, including that of being a baby.

When you find the baby and the little child and the kid in your dad, you love him the more for it.

Q: Yes. That’s true.

John: In knowing that, keep the same true for you. Being seventeen years old, if you are all there, really all there, then you are not seventeen, you are one going on seventeen.

Read moreWorking Out Your Nervous System

Time and Timing

Q: Can this be too much openness, if you’re not ready for it? Sometimes my heart is very open and there’s many layers removed around my self, so it’s good and I have many positive contacts  but then if something unpleasant happens, that’s too much. You really hurt.

John: That’s fine. You can’t be too open for your heart.

Q: So a big heart is okay? I have the feeling that my response is negative because I feel I have to protect my self.

John: You don’t need to protect your heart. You can protect your self as long as you’re not protecting your heart. That has you integrating your self. That has you developing in your self.  If you are all open in your heart, you’re clean. If you’re all open in your self, you are naïve.

Q: So, the heart can be open and the self should be protected, can be protected? If I manage to sort out what’s my heart and what’s my self, then this also means that my response is not negative so that I can respond in an open way.

John: Yes.

Q: So if I feel open and a bit too unprotected, does it mean that I’m confusing the two?

John: If your heart is all open, you are able to protect your self in a way that helps the other. If someone says something to you that is unfitting and your heart remains all open, you won’t be taking what the other is saying about you personally, enabling you to speak to what the other has said or done in a way that helps the other. As soon as your heart closes, you are not able to really help the other.

Q: So when I am in a situation and I have enough awareness to feel that I’m closing, how do I find the strength or courage to stop it?

John: If you try to stop it, you’re valuing your self more than openness in your heart. If you value the openness in your heart more than your self, more than valuing your self, your whole heart will open, despite what’s happening to your self. When your heart is all open, that empowers you to function with clarity in your self. When your heart closes for any reason at all, you are disempowered. When your heart is in some way closed or hard, you are not all there in your self.  You’re not present in your self. You’re occupied in your heart with something that on a heart level doesn’t matter as much as how you’re making it matter.  When your heart closes or hardens for any reason at all, from your heart you are making your self wrong. That will have you needing from within your self to be right and you’ll project what you are in your heart onto the other person.

Q: Is it about being in touch with my heart all the time?

John: To start with, yes. When you’re in touch with your heart, you become in touch with what you know the truth of in your heart. What you know the truth of in your heart is of greater value than your heart, just as your heart is of greater value than your self. As soon as you start to move within, the deeper that you go within, the greater the value. When it is that value that you are awakening to and living for, then it is such value that fills your heart and fills your self. It becomes your life. It fills your life.

If your heart is always more open than what your self is, you’re getting it right. If your self is more open than what your heart is, you’re fooling your self. You’re lost in your self.

Q: So is it also about  timing, to do what I’m ready to do or do what my heart is ready to do?

John: Always opening. On a heart level it is always time to open. Timing has to do with your self. Timing is developmental. Time has to do with your heart. Your real sense of time comes from openness in your heart. The application of that in your self with others has to do with timing.

Read moreTime and Timing

Living In Your Heart

Q: Five years ago I experienced my own death and since then I seem to be a little dysfunctional. I have mixed feelings about it. Actually I feel on the one hand very blessed and on the other hand it feels like a burden. Sometimes I get excited for a short time and then when I realize what it is that I’m excited about I feel that it’s actually not important.  I feel a big urge to do things perfect and feel like losing my mind. Often I don’t know, so I feel like in a continuous upcoming crisis and accepting that again and another one is coming and then a few seconds later I can feel completely different and feel very much at peace or at ease with the same situation.

John: Surrender to being openness and softness of heart, regardless of what perception of reality you experience in your self.

Q: One moment I become very sad or whatever emotion comes up and then two seconds later it’s just completely disappeared. The first feeling of the emotion doesn’t feel that real afterwards but at that moment it did.

John: Take everything that you experience in your self lightly, regardless of the strength of the experience, so instead of relating to what you experience in your self, direct all of your relating to openness and softness of heart. You know how to let your heart open. You know what it means when you open your heart. You know what it’s like when your heart softens and you know how to let your heart soften.

The movement of your heart isn’t to be determined by what you’re experiencing in your self. When the experience of your self determines the movement of your heart, then depending on what you’re experiencing you will close and harden or you will open and soften. Live in your heart with the experiences that you have in your self no longer determining how your heart moves. Live deeply liking opening your heart and deeply liking softening your heart all the time. That puts you in control of your self, whereas the way that you are, your self is in control of you.

Whatever you’re experiencing in your self is determining what you are. With every change of what you’re experiencing in your self, that is for you like a change in the wind. With each little change, the direction of you is changed. That means that you are determined by what you are experiencing in your self. You have given your power to your self so whatever you’re experiencing rules.

Your self is not worth dying for. Your self is not worth living for. Live only for what you know, within, is worth dying for. Letting your heart open and letting your heart soften completely is worth dying for. Live that and your self will not govern you and rule you and own you any more.

Q: When I don’t know what to do in…

John: Open and soften your heart. It is what you know in your heart to be. Instead of looking at what you know in your self, look always to what you know in your heart. If you look for what you know in your self, you will become lost in your self because of not coming from what you know in your heart. Your living letting your heart open and soften without any conditions, meaning that anything that you’re experiencing in your self or as a self is not determining what is happening in your heart any more.

Live only for what you know in your heart is worth dying for.

Read moreLiving In Your Heart

Your Heart Needs No Protection

Q: To me it looks as if I have to protect my heart and then I cannot find my own way to the heart. It looks that I need this protection.

John:  You didn’t have the protection first. You didn’t have the protection when you were much lovelier. The more protection that you have over your heart, the less that you have your heart. Without the protection, you have your heart, you’re in your heart, and, in that, you are in everything. With the protection you are no longer in everything.

Q: Does it need a safe place in the outside, too, for protection?

John: No.

Q: I have the experience that I will be hurt if I don’t protect myself.

John: If you protect your self you’ll be much more hurt, the kind of hurt that you won’t feel. When you don’t protect your heart you will feel everything. You will feel every hurt and it won’t hurt you. You won’t suffer damage. When you protect your heart, you suffer damage. To protect your heart you need to harden, you need to harden your heart. In hardening your heart, you lose your heart. You’ll be coming from a hardness instead of coming from your heart.

You can protect your self, but from within not protecting your heart. When you’re protecting your self but not your heart, then you’re taking care of your self without taking your own self personally. When you protect your heart and you protect your self, you’ll be taking everything personally, everything of your heart and everything of your self. You’ll be making everything fit into a little perspective. You’ll make everything about your self. You’ll make about your self what isn’t about your self.

When you protect your heart, there is not going to be an expression of your own being. When your heart is unprotected, something of your own being is visible. When you protect your heart, you are removed from your own delicateness. When you are removed from your own delicateness within, you have lost your way. You won’t be navigating with beingness. You won’t be moving about with beingness if you are removed from your own delicateness.
With an open and a soft heart you still have your self through which to function. Even through the function of your self in coming from an openness and a softness of heart, what is someone else going to do to you?

Everything hurts. When your heart is open and someone shows you a kindness, the kindness hurts. Protect your heart and you won’t be hurt any more. You’ll be without all of your delicateness. Everything needs to touch your heart without your putting something in front of that. Everything that touches your heart brings out the deep in you. The deep in you is what gives presence in your life. As awareness, you are not all there if the deep in you isn’t present. When the deep in you is present, everything touches your heart.

When you protect your heart, that protection stays with you. It becomes a part of your self. You lose all of the sensitivity that you had when you were lovelier. Protect your heart and you will live as though you have no being.

Your heart is the door to your own Being. For that door in you to be clear, your heart needs to be unprotected, enabling you to move as a being, despite what anybody else does.

Read moreYour Heart Needs No Protection

A New Level of ‘Mother’

Q: My son came up here and there’s a pain in my heart. It’s like something isn’t completed with him. I still carry him. I carry his pain, but sometimes I see that I can be loyal to his little self and I know that’s not what he needs. I have a little guilt of my own for being so ready to take off and let my children go their own way and have their own path. I feel I need to show them and I can’t because I need to first settle in that myself.

John: Cut the strings. Cut the strings from the level within that you’re accustomed to relating to with them. Surrender to the deepest level within that you’re aware of and there you’ll be realizing most fine, delicate strings that connect to them, strings that are all like your being and theirs.

Your patterned relationship with them can gently come apart. The relationship will be in the care of the deeper level that you’ll be coming from. It isn’t able to move to the deeper level if you’re holding to the level that you’re accustomed to. The level of relationship with them that you’re accustomed to isn’t able to reach the deeper level in them or in you.

Q: I miss being in the deep with them.

John: The pain of that in your heart will help you in your use of delicateness.

Q: How can I use delicateness?

John: Use the fine, fine strings that are of the deeper levels. They are most delicate. You can pull on them. You can use the strings. It is with the delicateness of being that you use them. Anything else that uses them will break them.

Q: “Anything else?” What could that be?

John: Personal need.

Q: Of being a good mother.

John: Personal need of anything. Personal need breaks the strings of delicacy.
As you break them, you become calloused to them. You become thick-skinned toward them. Personal need makes you thick-skinned toward others and thin-skinned toward your likes and your dislikes, insensitive to others, insensitive to what you want from others, including your children.

Your coming from the deeper levels within will change what you’re relating from in your relationship with them. Coming from the deeper levels within will change all of your relationships.

Q: I look forward to that.

John: They will be realizing a level of “mother” that they haven’t seen before. They might not like it, but if they’re honest within, they’ll recognize the truth of it. Your moving to the deeper levels, and from within them setting out in what you know, is the best that you can give them. They will recognize in you what is next for them. They’ll know the way because they’ll see it in you. Your living example is of greater value than the old relating. It’s a kindness to them.

This is what you are made of. Make decisions that favor this. Form your self and your life in a way that favours this.

Read moreA New Level of ‘Mother’

About Acne and Depression

Q: Since I was very young I have struggled with depression and acne and bowel problems and the more I question my thoughts and the deeper I go the worse it gets. It just seems my self is getting a lot harder and I don’t really know what to do.

John: First be okay with all of that just the way it is. Instead of just having some problems, you are absorbed by your problems.

Q: I’ve always thought that there was like a mind-body connection and the more the thoughts and questions, the worse it gets.

John: You’re looking for a profound solution within superficial problems. You’re taking your problems to heart. Then you don’t just have problems; you make you a problem. You have a problem with your problems and you have a problem with your self. That turns the problem into you. That makes you as awareness wrong. You need to be okay as awareness within all of your problems. Have an opening and a softening of your heart within all of your problems. That relaxes your relationship with your patterning concerning your problems.

Q: So is illness irrelevant?

John: To your self– no. To what you first are in what’s deeper than your self – yes.

Q: So what am I supposed to do when it seems like depression is taking over? I hear you talk about relating to that tiny little bit, but it seems like the depression just gets louder.

John: That’s because you care about your problems more than you. Your problems matter more to you than you. Even if you could make your problems go away, you will still have all of your patterning that demands satisfaction, so then you’ll remake your problems in something else.

Q: So how do I change my patterning?

John: Let go of your relationship with your problems.

Q: How?

John: By being honest as awareness. Do your problems honestly matter as much as you feel they matter? Instead of first addressing your problems, address your relationship with what you know in your heart. When you’re being true to knowledge in your heart, then there isn’t the issue of fundamental separation any more. If there is an issue of fundamental separation, you’ll project the profoundness of that onto everything that is superficial. You’ll be confusing levels. Other than your problems being difficult in your surface existence, there isn’t something wrong with those problems being there.

Q: If I stop relating to my problems and that patterning ceased, what’s underneath that?

John: You as awareness in real relationship with knowledge, in real relationship with what you do know the truth of in your heart. Or you as awareness not in real relationship with knowledge, which makes you separate in your heart from what you first are within. What does that feel like? In your experience, tenderness, with the beingness of that in your own heart mattering more to you than your problems.

Q: So when my mind is being filled with awful experiences or things I’m ashamed of, I’m just to not relate to them and to go to where the tenderness is?

John: Yes, but that won’t work unless a touch of being in your heart such as tenderness means more to you than all of your problems. Otherwise you’ll be accessing something of your being, exploiting your own beingness to fix your problems. An awakened being with acne is not less complete and less happy than an awakened being without acne.

Q: If you’re awakened does that mean you’re happy?

John: If you are true to your awakening, then you are essence of happiness. Essence of happiness has no need to experience happiness. Essence of happiness provides happiness.

Through your problems, you’ve become addicted to your self. Have your own being instead of having your own self. Your own being needs to matter more to you than your own self. The tiniest, tiniest touch of a quality of being needs to mean more to you than all of your self. Then you have a tiny little bit of real ground, a ground of being from which to build your self. You will have problems inside your self and outside your self until you’re dead. What matters more than all of that is that you do really have your own being in the midst of your self and its problems before you’re dead.

Your life has little purpose if you are separate from your own knowledge within. If you’re separate as awareness from your own knowledge within you will live separate from your own being. Even though the connection lives, you’re not living by that connection.

As awareness, your self matters more to you than your own heart. That makes you as awareness subject to the kind of self you have. On those terms there isn’t anything that can fix your issues. You need to belong more to your own heart than to your self. Then your own self will stabilize, but you cannot belong to your own heart for a result. You cannot come to rest in your heart just so your self will stabilize. To do that is to deceive your self.

Belong to your own heart instead of to your self. When you belong to your own heart then you will become acquainted with what you know the truth of in your heart. Then in belonging to what you know the truth of you will have real and immediate entrance to what is deeper within than what your own heart is. You will have free access into your own being.

Q: Does that mean ignoring the physical for now?

John: That means having a different relationship with the physical so that your own inner well-being is no longer dependent on your physical condition. Your self matters more than your problems: you need to take that heart. Your own heart matters more than your self: you need to take that to heart. Your own being matters more than your heart and you need to take that to heart. What you know the truth of, within, matters more than your own being. You need to take that to heart.

With all of that, you’ll be living by what matters most, including, from within that, everything that matters next. You’ll have perspective. In the way that you’ve configured your heart and your self, you don’t have real perspective. What you have is a patterned development of addressing first what doesn’t matter the most.

You need to take care of your self more than taking care of your problems, and you need to take care of your heart more than taking care of your self. Work on those two things and you will find your way into everything within that is deeper than those two things.

Read moreAbout Acne and Depression

The Tiny Little Bit of Truth in Your Heart

Q: Lately I’ve been confused about God. Is there only one God or several Gods?

John: Despite anything that you’ve learned, despite the conditioning of your upbringing and your experiences, despite any of your reading, despite any of your perceptions, despite anything that you can seem to hold or handle in your self, despite any mind of yours, you either know or you don’t. If you know, believe what you know, adding nothing to it. If you don’t know, then don’t believe anything. Then you are devoid of having something concerning the question, and there is an innocence of heart in your simply not knowing.

If you don’t know, you don’t need to know. If you do know, you need to believe what you know. Love knowing the difference. The issue isn’t God or Gods. The real issue is what of any of that do you actually know the truth of and then to come from that. That makes all confusion in that issue unnecessary.

You need to begin with what you do actually have. You don’t have your confusion. You don’t actually have your beliefs. All that you actually have is what little bit within you really know the truth of. Return to that. In all of your heart, like having nothing else and you’ve returned as awareness to being what knowing is. You have returned to the beginning of oneness. If you develop as awareness from anything other than that, you fool your self.

As awareness, be freed in your heart by what you know the truth of, even if that leaves you without understanding. Have your freedom in what you know the truth of. You can be what you know without having to understand it. Real knowledge precedes all understanding. Real knowledge comes before understanding. Having any understanding without real knowledge isn’t real understanding.

Q: What do you mean by real knowledge?

John: Real knowledge is what tiny little bit you actually know the truth of in your heart. If all that you know at all in your heart is to let your heart open and soften, then that little bit is living Knowledge for you. It’s the knowledge that you live by. It is what you know within.

Even if you lose your mind, that knowledge in your heart doesn’t change. Living knowledge, what little bit you know the truth of in your heart, you are able as awareness to be. If your mind goes crazy, if you should lose your mind, if you should suffer dementia, it makes no difference to what you’re knowing in your heart. Your capacity to be what you know is undiminishable.

Have your heart in that and you’ll begin to realize what you know in your heart. If all that you know the truth of in your heart is a tiny little bit, it isn’t “just enough.” That tiny little bit is everything. You don’t need more. If you come from that, if you come from that tiny tiny little bit, you will realize more.

Whether God is or isn’t, whether God is one or many…you mustn’t believe anything unless you know. If you believe something that you don’t actually know the truth of, you deceive yourself. Even if your belief just happens to be true, but you’re not knowing the truth of it, you deceive yourself.

Whatever you know the truth of, whether that is almost nothing at all or whether it’s much, it makes no difference. You do need to believe only and all of what you know, nothing less and nothing more. Then you’re home.

Read moreThe Tiny Little Bit of Truth in Your Heart