Freeing Energy for the Whole of You

Q: There is a very tiny movement of hesitation or doubt which immediately stops the movement of going deeper.

John: Your use of it prevents you. If doubt didn’t serve you at all, you wouldn’t have it. Doubt doesn’t honestly serve you.

Q: There’s very little though, and the joy this all brings is great. It shows me a lot but it’s a very tiny doubt. What purpose does it have?

John: It saves you.

Q: It comes up the same time the joy comes up. The joy is tremendous.

John: That little touch of doubt saves you from completely disappearing into what you know.

Q: The moment you say this, I know it is absolutely true. Is that fear?

John: When you are profoundly honest, you not only have no fear, you can’t even relate to fear.

Q: But something so little can be so powerful in comparison. The doubt has a voice. Sometimes it says, ‘are you worth this?’

John: That’s silly. The last one percent that isn’t surrendered to what you know, anything that the last one percent can say is silly.

Q: In comparison to the other, you’re absolutely right. So it’s the amount of attention that it gets.

John: When you surrender, completely surrender the last one percent, that doesn’t make a one percent difference. It makes about a ninety percent difference. What is condensed within that last one percent is enormous. It’s when you are in the last one percent facing complete surrender, it’s there that you’re facing everything. When you surrendered ninety percent, there’s a great deal of comfort that’s left over. Ten percent to play with is a lot. When you’re down to one percent, there’s only a tiny little bit that’s left over and in that tiny little bit everything has been invested. The let-go of the last little bit is the biggest because in that there is no return.

Q: That is absolutely right. I think that’s the greatest fear, what you’re speaking now about. Yes. There’s no return. Yes. This feels very solid.

John: With ninety nine percent surrender to your heart, to what you know in your heart, to your being, you only need a small fraction of the use of your brain. When you surrender that last percent, you are in great need of the more of your own brain.

Q: How do I mobilize that?

John: By you directly living in what you know is the more of you. That comes through that last percent. With one hundred percent surrender, you no longer have loyalty to familiarity. Familiarity is then no longer your safety. When there is one hundred percent surrender, knowing is your safety. As soon as you know, you’re in. Within any tiny awakening to knowing even a tiny little bit more, it doesn’t matter then what you know, how foreign what you newly know is to your self, the moment you know, you’re gone. You’re completely gone in. With one hundred percent surrender, it is true, even in all of your experience, that there isn’t anything that is in the way.

Q: I find my self looking for some sort of safe space.

John: Safe is real only because of the truth. It exists purely and only in the truth. It only really exists in what you know. It is absolutely safe for what you are to be one with all you know. one percent separation from that isn’t safe. For oneness everything is safe. It’s profoundly safe to live and it is as safe to die.

Q: I have done a lot to not do both. I feel a little bit holding back. This is a huge compression I experience.

John: You don’t need it after you’ve died. After you’ve died, it won’t exist. It doesn’t help you live.

Q: You said it doesn’t help you to live? So, dying is now.

John: Any part of you that isn’t surrendered to what you know will be gone after you’ve died and, while you live, whatever part isn’t surrendered doesn’t help you live. It introduces only an illusory complication. Any way that you try to deal with it fuels the illusion. All of the energy of that, all of the energy that is used in that, belongs to oneness moving in form. Its movement in form isn’t possible without that one percent. With as little as one percent not completely given over to what you know, you are not one. The difference that that one percent makes is enormous. It accomplishes as a self-created trip hazard.

Q: A self-created what?

John: Trip hazard. It’s like a little half-inch difference in the floor; you’ll catch it every time and as awareness you’re genius enough to be able to move that half inch difference to wherever you need it most. As soon as you are really onto what you know, you get that half-inch little difference in your floor to come up and save you from being completely absorbed in what you know. It will keep you from being gone.

Q: This keeping me from being gone, this ‘being gone’ gives me impressions like completely getting lost in things I do not know or want, as if my life turns completely upside down and I’m going to do things I’ll maybe regret…I don’t know.

John: You just made that up. In surrender you don’t lose control; you gain control. What you are gains complete control of everything that’s yours. You come into real control of your self. You won’t be using your self to trip you anymore. You don’t lose facility in your self. You come into new ability in your self, so much more that your brain will open. You’ll need more of your brain than ever before. When you’re in the more of you, the more of your brain opens. Your brain opens as you do. Everything that is real exists by openness.

Q: So, when there is doubt coming up, I leave it there.

John: When it comes down to the last little bit of doubt in relationship to what you know, anything that you give it is too much. It’s not real. When it comes down to that last little bit that’s left over, you won’t be leaving it alone. There isn’t anything there that’s real to even leave alone. The energy that is in the doubt is simply and beautifully given to what you know. It isn’t taken from the doubt and given to what you know. It is simply available energy within the packaging of doubt. The packaging doesn’t belong to anything. The energy that’s in it belongs to what you know. That last little bit, in its return to oneness, doesn’t turn away from anything. It doesn’t turn away from doubt or fear. It simply and beautifully turns to what it knows. All that there is, is what it knows. There’s no effort in the return. There is love in the return. Where there is in awareness core-splitting honesty, you are incapable of doubting or fearing what you know. Where there is core-splitting honesty, what you are is pure response, pure response as awareness to what you know. The movement of that response is love.

Being without Time and Being Without Certainty

Q: What came to me was that in being there is no time in the way that we know it, and somehow that’s related to what you said about the illusion of certainty. I know, somewhere, that has to do with having a real relationship with time. Is it also to do with the illusion around what death is? It’s like when you said to me in the informal meeting that in any relating to a filter or a boundary, there’s time. Did you mean that’s part of the whole illusion of what time is? And somehow, when we’re being here, there’s also no time. Can you say what you meant by the illusion of certainty?

John: Certainty makes much of your self. Relating to certainty comes from your self. As you relate to certainty, that relating eclipses knowing.

Q: Is that a certainty around any conclusion at all, related to any filter or any boundary?

John: Relating to certainty makes your self more than what you know. Certainty in any regard exists because of the reality that precedes certainty.

Q: That would be a make-up that’s been made in the self and conclusions made in the self?

John: Where something is made up, yes. But even where it’s not made up, it is illusory because it then eclipses what it is dependent on. You don’t need certainty for you to know.

Q: You only need response.

John: You don’t need certainty for you to be in what you know.

Q: It seems to me you don’t need certainty at all in this because it changes all the time, and certainty would be a block to responding, an element of control.

John: When the need for any certainty is gone, awareness is relaxed.

Q: And in any relating to filters and boundaries there’s time? So, if there’s no filters and boundaries, there’s no time, there’s just being?

John: When your being is in time, it doesn’t engage certainty. It isn’t dependent on it.

Into the Chrysalis

Q: When I checked the conversation I had with you last, you were always encouraging me to go deeper and I was always resisting, saying some excuse. Before, I never had this kind of attitude toward truth. I had an uncompromising attitude toward truth. My priority in my life was truth and nothing else. But since I obtained complete surrender with you in the summer seminar, I got very satisfied and happy, and the seeker in me disappeared, but I started to develop some kind of fear. I think it’s based on misunderstanding, like, if I go more deeper I might want to get sucked into some kind of black hole and disappear completely.

John: That’s not good?

Q: I shared with you in the café that 95% of the time I was in the greater reality, and only 5% I was in the reality and functioning, and I wonder what is going to happen if it becomes 100%. So I have a fear of dropping out from the reality or disappearing, but I think it’s based on misunderstanding, that I don’t know what’s really going to happen from here to the place that you’re encouraging me to go.

John: It’s similar to disappearing. What occurs is replacement. What you are accustomed to in your self will be replaced by what is like your being.
Compared to your self and from the perspective of familiarity, it is all profoundly unusual. In the same way, a caterpillar enters the chrysalis and, when it comes out it, is no longer a caterpillar. It no longer looks like one or functions like one. What emerges is a different form, a different function. The one replaces the other. In that way the caterpillar enters the chrysalis and disappears. The level of change that it can be compared to is the change that occurs when you die. What was is gone. What remains is all different. The real surrender isn’t in the first 95%. It’s in the last 5. In the first 95, tomorrow remains. In the last 5, the illusion of certainty passes away.

Q: I feel there is many things that happen from here to there, many beautiful things.

John: Resistance no longer exists. All plans no longer belong to the caterpillar. What the caterpillar plans is altogether different from the caterpillar. A vision can take you through your life to the end of your life and there the vision ends. The vision wasn’t needed. A vision can take you to the door, to the door of your own being. But in your real entrance to your own being, the vision ends. The vision wasn’t needed to get you there and it’s not needed in your entrance. What gets you to the door and through is your disappearance into what you know. Then there is no difference between awareness and knowing. What you are after you’ve died is realized as your continuity as you live.