Q: We’ve spoken about sexual lameness, and I know the truth of that. I’ve lived in fear of being a woman. At about three years old, I saw someone with very large breasts, and I prayed to God that I wouldn’t grow up like that. I’ve given a lot of my energy to being androgynous, but I do really want to be a woman. When I meditate, I can feel the power I could have as a woman. It’s so much more pure than the energy I put into androgyny, which is exhausting…
Transcripts on Sexuality
Excerpts from two cafe conversations on building a real relationship:
Q: I am wondering whether a relationship I am in is real, and whether we’re a match. Can you help me figure this out?
John: To simplify it, stay away from being sexually physical. It’s not for moral reasons; it’s for practical reasons, because as soon as you build a fire everything is about the fire. If you build a relationship without building a fire, it’s much more stark and very simple, but then what you’re in the relationship for is really clear...
Q: I’ve felt such a magical connection in these last few days. It’s hard to put into words. I feel wide open. It feels so deep, yet so gently light. There’s electricity in my body and around me. My body’s vibrating and I’m wondering if it’s connected to my sexual energy. It’s so strong.
John: That means that this isn’t going to come into you and move in you without this emerging in your sexuality and coming through your sexuality.
It has nothing to do with sexuality in your life or in your self...
Q: You’ve spoken of the awakening of the new brain and you said that chemically it’s hormones, but hormones that only the being can move. Is it when sexuality is given to the being that these hormones are produced?
John: It will move hormones not understood yet by science.
Q: So they do exist but they are only accessible when sexuality is given to the being?
John: When the deeper levels move and more of the brain opens.
Q: Then those hormones get activated?..
Q: There’s something I want to get clear about that’s been a troublemaker in my life since I was little. You’ve recently said something like: “Your sexuality is made for this” and “the closest in all of your life for this to have is your sexuality.” Something like that. And it links to something else you’ve said recently, too, which is to do with coming here to marry on the highest level. Are you speaking about the power of human sexuality to move through and with that?
John: Not its power, but its inherent capacity to translate your being, and beyond, into your self and to your self. ..
Q: Can sex be a pure expression of love? Whenever I have a relationship and it involves sex, something always goes wrong. I don’t know how to solve this.
John: By being in your sexuality without connecting the movement of your sexual energy to your self. Your sexuality belongs to your being. As long as you use it for your self, connect it to your self or reference your self in it, you keep it separate from your own being.
Your sexuality is designed so that when sexuality moves, it moves your being and when your being moves, that moves your sexuality...
Q: You’ve recently spoken about what being woman is and I’ve been wondering whether it’s really the same to be a man.
John: At the very base of it, yes. When awareness integrates consciousness, it doesn’t just enter into being both man and woman; it enters into being everything.
Q: That seems very easy.
John: The only thing in the universe that does not cooperate with what is natural and easy is want and need. ..
Q: What is the real purpose of sexual relationship?
John: The perfect communion of you as a being, through all of your heart, including all of your self and all of your body. Sexuality is the engine of humanness. It belongs to your being, and when you move in your sexuality and you orientate to what you think and feel in your self, without any reference to your heart, then your sexuality is turned over to the conditioning in your self.
When your sexuality is returned to your being, by being only in your heart in it, and from there being what you know in your heart in it, then your sexuality and your movement in it has unlimited reach into your being...
Q: Sexuality has been a challenge for me my whole life. You have spoken about the fire of sexuality. I know a little of that, but for many years it hasn’t felt like that at all. I’ve experienced reduced potency and this has created disturbances in relationship. Now there is almost no sexuality in my life and I’ve enjoyed not having to worry about it. I don’t feel inclined to be sexual with anyone else, but without moving it in my life, how can I continue to go deeper?..
Q: My question is about pleasure, pain and guilt. I’ve recently noticed that I’m experiencing a lot more pleasure running through my body but I seem to believe it’s sinful. I feel guilty and then create physical pain in my body. For example, making love can feel wonderful and fulfilling, but the next day I won’t be able to see properly or I’ll have physical pain. It’s the same if I enjoy dancing. I’d love more understanding around this.
John: For pleasure to become stable requires a stable opening of the heart...