Unconditional Openness: Your Love, Your Freedom

Q: I notice in my intimate, sexual relationships that I can be in a moment of openness, comfort and radiance, and then if I’m spoken to in a way that feels aggressive, unkind or mean I’m very quick to close my heart and my being. I really don’t enjoy that experience. What should I do when my heart feels hurt?

John: Quite simply, at absolutely any cost, don’t close.

Q: How? That feels like the only way to feel safe.

John: You don’t need to feel safe. As soon as you have a fundamental need of safety, you must close. You will close, and as soon as you do, you separate from essence of safety and you secure your loss of innocence.

Q: So it’s not about leaving the room or having to remove my self to go someplace that feels better. I can still stay. This is where I get confused.

John: You can do either, but in the midst of whatever it is that you do, open.

Q: To what?

John: Openness doesn’t have an object. This openness is what you really are. You cannot be deeply happy if you’re not opening. You opening unconditionally, without the focus of object or result, is what singularly makes you happy.

Q: So no matter where I am, with whom, what’s going on or how I feel, I open. Is that what you’re saying?

John: Yes. Injury and offence will continue but instead of taking it, you’ll receive it. It’s in receiving it that you’re free of it. It’s in taking injury and offence that you lock injury and offence into your self.

Q: Once I receive it, what do I do with it?

John: It will pass all the way through you. The gift of that is it shows you how deep you go. It will keep revealing to you the depths of your being.

Q: So when injury and harshness come my way, it’s an opportunity to experience the depths of my being?

John: By you opening, yes. All of the resources of closing are your conditioning. All of the resources of opening are your being.

Q: So the thought that opening is scary is just my conditioning?

John: Yes, but when you are honest to what you know in your heart, you love opening.

Q: I do.

John: Nothing prevents you: not your past, not your conditioned self, not your circumstances and not others. That means that when you open, you are free.

Q: And is it also okay to invite people and circumstances that support opening?

John: You don’t need to invite it all in. It will all come. As you close, it all comes. As you open, it all comes. You love opening.

Q: I’ll get a T-shirt that says that! I get really sad when I’m closed.

John: That’s good. All of the results of your closing are so good. When it makes you miserable and angry, that’s so good. That means that you don’t really get away with fooling your self.

In that way, even when you close, help is coming.

Q: That’s a nice way to look at it.


The Profound Power Of Words

Q: You speak of awareness and knowing as one, and its movement being love. It doesn’t always have to be spoken in words – just being what we know is enough. Yet words are necessary in this world and you speak them so finely.

John: Words spoken from within what you’re coming into initiate profound change. With words, in this, you are packaging the unseen and delivering these packages of being right out into what is seen: the being-power of words.

Q: And it doesn’t really matter if they’re fully heard – just that they’re spoken. That’s bringing something into form in this world.

John: It brings you into form in this world; perfect forms of meaning that transcend your self and this world.

Q: So you’re saying it’s important for us to bring it and express it.

John: They’re not just forms of meaning, real forms of what you really are. They are also forms of commitment, committing what is most deep and unseen, within, to what is seen. Words provide instant bridging.

Q: But lots of us are not so articulate!

John: It doesn’t require high levels of intelligence. It requires response to what you know from within the unseen, through what intelligence you do have, right into what is seen.

Q: No particular training required: just simply being what we know.

John: Within the authentic use of any words. For authenticity, as soon as you say what you know, it’s done, and upon that you build.

Q: The real value of words.

John: That value belonging mostly to your being.

Q: I’d love to hear you speak more about words and commitment.

John: Your words always have commitment, so from whatever level or orientation you speak words, you’re putting into form what you’re coming from, what your orientation as awareness is, and the level of that that you’re moving in. So when you settle inside and you say something, you’ve really done it.

If you’re upset about something and you put that into words, you’ve really done it.

Q: It brings the upsetness more into form?

John: Yes. It doesn’t matter what you say; all you say is powerful.

When you realize that, you’re going to be much slower to speak. You’ll be really quick to listen, so you’re really listening within and then you speak. You’re actually directing the power of your words instead of saying things because you can, from your self and your person, which is what you’re used to in this world. If something bothers you then you say it. This whole world functions this way and it’s not real.

Everything other than our own beings is being empowered in this world.


High Level Relationship: A Rich, Deep Togetherness

Q: As I’m sitting here together with my husband, can you speak with us about the relationship? Do the man and the woman have roles?

John: Where there is a use of personality in relating to each other, there will be an emptiness just beneath it. Keeping things active negatively or positively, on the level of personality, increases the emptiness. 

Just beneath the emptiness you have your real meeting with each other, where neither personality nor emptiness matters. It is there that quieted vulnerability knows and sees. It is there that knowing and seeing each other means more than even experiencing each other. In the quieted knowing and seeing, you have subtle knowledge of each other. It doesn’t offer very much, but the little that it is is profound and real. In being satisfied with that little, the two of you have the same ground.

Coming from that little bit is worth the most, and on the level of personality offers the least. It is worth having your relationship from there, quieted within, in meaning that matters. It has no embellishments. It doesn’t satisfy on the level of emotion. It doesn’t move the personalities. It does move the very bottom of your hearts, a little and enough. 

In being oriented to that you’ll have in your relationship the resources of the deep, with the riches of real knowledge, real knowledge within, being within subtlety. The more subtle your communication in that, the richer your togetherness.

Your knowledge of what is the more, within, nurtures more than what you experience together. To your accustomed self it offers the least, but to what you know, within, it offers the most.

The very best of your relationship isn’t going to be in what you understand. The very best is in what you know and haven’t yet understood. It’s there that together you don’t need your accustomed selves – just quieted vulnerability knowing and seeing. It is there that the deepest between the two of you moves. It is there that you see each other as you haven’t seen each other before. It is there that the old between the two of you isn’t a factor and isn’t depended on. In the profoundness of the honesty of that, everything stops and the two of you meet as new. 

What you’ve experienced before won’t help you in the new. Unassisted knowing does it. What you first are, within, does it.

Everything can continue as it has, but it won’t compare to the more within that you know and haven’t been yet: that tiny little bit of real knowledge, within, that you know is worth more than everything that has been so far. Know it in each other and, in being oriented to that, see each other.

In being oriented to that, subtleties of your personalities will be touched and will open that are, within each of you, new. It will help change how you relate through your personalities.  


Pregnancy And Parenting: Making Your Heart As A Womb

Q: I’m trying to get pregnant and for a few years I’ve been having fertility treatments. It’s not happening, and I wonder how to deal with that. It feels like it’s taken everything from me.

John: It’s taken everything from you because you’re making the prospect of being pregnant mean too much. You’re giving it meaning that it doesn’t have. You’re taking meaning from everything else and giving it to the possibility, the wish, the need and the want of becoming pregnant. So working on becoming pregnant is depleting your self.

Q: I don’t feel I can let go of it. How is it possible to go through this without depleting?

John: By remaining profoundly honest while trying to get pregnant. Then you are honest to something that is more profound than you having a baby. If you’re not honest to what is more profound than having a baby, how are you going to raise this baby? If your way of being matters more to you than becoming pregnant, that way of being will also be how you raise a baby.

If your way of becoming pregnant isn’t the same as your own being, then in trying to become pregnant you are separating from your own being. You’re increasing the distance between your self and your being, and while being less and less like your own being, you’re wanting another being to come into your body and grow.

Your heart needs to become like your womb. When your heart is like your own womb, the tiniest little bit that you know the truth of in your heart will grow in your heart. If you take your self to heart because of being taken by what you want and need, then there’s no room for your being in your heart.

The only way that you can deeply parent is for your heart, in all of your parenting, to be like your womb. That begins before you have your baby, and it needs to flourish in all of your life.

If you love your womb you will make your heart just like your womb … whether you have a baby or not.