Tender Openness: Your Real Strength And Power

Q: I’m struck by the immense emotions I have felt in just making eye-contact with you. Your teachings about honesty are what I’m looking for: not only to be honest but to speak, act and live my life in honesty. I had a dream that told me to reach out for help in finding answers. My problem is that I don’t know the questions, and it’s frustrating.

John: Then don’t reach with your right hand. Reach with your left hand. Let your right hand support that. That takes you out of what you think is you and enables, a little bit, what is really you.

Q: I don’t fully understand what you mean. Do you mean to search or look in a different way?

John: To look in a different way.

Q: That takes a whole other level of awareness.

John: Hold the microphone with your left hand. 

Q: That’s pretty clear!

John: When you let yourself be delicately comfortable in that, you are seeing differently. What you are then is tender openness. Then you are not relating to your strength. You are relating more to what is delicate. That gives you a different heart.

Q: Which is what I want, to allow my heart to open.

John: And when you think with that, that will give you a different mind. You are so accustomed to relating to your strength. That makes what you are looking for very easy to find because it’s not in your strength. It is in your manner within your strength. 

Gentled power isn’t less powerful; it’s more sensitive. Love taking care of what’s delicate and you’ll realize what your strength is for. 

Q: Thank you. That will be a goal in itself for some time.

John: You have integrated your power when what is most profoundly delicate within you is your strength, instead of your strength being your strength.

Love that goodness can lead you by your thumb. Its hand is much smaller than yours. This goodness is not only within you, but it always moves to hold your hand. Because it is within you, it reaches to you. It will be the thumb of your hand that it first holds. It is also your thumb that represents the power in your hand. It’s stronger than your fingers. 

When goodness, within, can lead you by your thumb, then you are being sensitive to what is delicate, within, without losing your power. Then you are power letting itself relate to what’s delicate. When you let such tender goodness, within, lead you by your thumb, that will move your whole being. That is you recovering what you left behind when you were very little. 

Q: I’ve been searching for that. I remember it and I want to go back there.

John: You can’t go back there. You can let what you know that is have what you are now. Then what that is is able to lead you by your thumb.

Its hand, so to speak, is not too little to hold your thumb.


Is There A Life Plan For Me?

Q: I have a question about arrangements between souls. If you plan to meet someone in this life, is it possible to miss that?

John: If it’s true, if it is of a truth and you’re in your heart, no. But don’t believe anything that you don’t know the truth of. 

Q: So it doesn’t really matter in the end.

John: That’s right. Don’t buy into concepts of truth just because they’re interesting and appealing. If you do, it will put you on a false trajectory.  

Q: I often feel this anxiety that I may not fulfill some kind of life plan, or miss something, somehow…

John: If there is such a thing, if you have anxiety about missing it, you’ll miss it. The anxiety has nothing to do with the deep, inner truth of anything. Be gentled and quieted in your heart and don’t believe anything that you don’t know the truth of. The truth within is first simple. 

Q: The concept of a life plan is another attempt to control or to do something. 

John: Yes. If you do have one but you don’t know it, believing that there is one for you will make you miss it. Believing anything you don’t know pulls you into missing the real.

The real begins with a deep inner beingness, opening and softening unconditionally at any personal expense, being gentled and quieted in your heart, and being the nurture of that. That’s your inner life. That alone will grow your inner garden. Don’t leave that for anything that’s presented in your self or for anything in the world. 

Q: I’m scared I’ll be lonely. If I go deeper and deeper into that, there are fewer and fewer people that can understand how I see the world, how I feel and perceive things. I’m scared of that.

John: That will make you lonely. Where you are in fear, you are not connective within, separated from your heart. If you’re believing your fears, you’re believing and taking to heart what is unintegrated in your self. Your heart then becomes full of your self instead of being full of what’s quietly real. 

Q: Thank you.

Your Baby Needs Your Relationship

Q: We’re having a baby. I really feel the baby is going to be our greatest teacher.

John: Having a baby will strengthen whatever orientation you presently have.

Q: Will it? It won’t be the opposite?

John: If you are giving heed to the specialness of what’s there, and you’re taking that specialness to a deeper level than just having a wonderful experience in your self, then you can shift your orientation.

Q: In a not so good way you mean?

John: Shifting your orientation in a really good way.

Q: Yeah, being responsible for what we say and how we act, even now when the baby is in the womb. The baby is picking up everything.

John: The greatest thing that matters in parenting is your relationship, because that is what is feeding the child. So if there are little bickerings and negativities, that’s what you’re feeding your child.

Q: I can relate to what you’re saying, knowing what the baby is and how I can move inside the baby, and my job is to surrender to the baby. That’s how I can relate to what you’re saying.

John: That’s true, but more important than that is what you are in relationship. How much do you function as a person instead of functioning as a deeper self? It can become an abstract, non-costly thing to surrender to the beingness of the baby and be carried by that, but nothing else changes in your life.  

Your relationship doesn’t change, so that means that when the warm feeling starts to pass away and the baby starts to grow up and have its own power, you won’t be in what you were surrendering to because that surrender didn’t apply to everything. It’s easy to surrender to an easy experience that has no cost.

Q: How do I do it in that way that you’re describing?

John: In your relationship, have not a speck of negativity, including in the privacy of your own heart, because if it is there it is definitely going to come out. As soon as it germinates, it’s going to come out, even when you try to keep it in.  

It doesn’t matter how right you are about anything. The moment you have a spark of negative emotion about that in the privacy of your own heart, you’re wrong.

Q: So that means if you take a stand in anything at all, even a kernel is too much?

John: A kernel? A speck is already a whole thing ready to go.

Q: You can’t take a stand in anything that’s not soft. You can’t have any edge at all.

John: If you take a stand, it’s because you’re clear about something, and your beingness in it is as clear as your thinking. That’s also a really different kind of self; that’s not usual. So any time when you have a thought toward each other and it comes out as, “why did you…?” or the slightest little shake of your head, that’s already way too far.

The rolling of your eyes, a slight turning of your head, a slight breathing in, mean that emotionally you’re wound up and in your heart what you’re saying is “you’re so stupid!” or “come on!” That’s beneath the slightest tense breath. You can’t have any of those things.

Q: So the only thing to do is just turn into each other?

John: Dearness.

Q: Wow! Big order!

John: What else are you together for?

Q: So we’ve used those occasions where we get annoyed to step out of dearness. It’s almost an excuse to step out of it.

John: You cannot have a real relationship and hang on to negative emotion. There may be regions or moments of your relationship that have measures of realness in them, but you don’t have a real relationship.

The baby needs for the two of you to have only a real relationship. That’s the first real building block of parenting. If you take on spiritual mentalities but don’t have that dearness between you, you delude yourself and confuse your child.

Q: That’s sobering.

John: Your ability to hold negativity is also your ability not to hold negativity. The only thing that makes it really difficult is when you have a payoff in being negative.

Q: It does make the self stronger, for sure.

John: And it’s satisfying; it’s negatively satisfying, and if that payoff continues to mean something to you, you’re not going to stop. You might lessen it a bit but when it does come out, you give it a little extra juice. You have to pay your self off because you’ve been without it for a while.

Q: It’s another addiction. Is that what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body ­– because it needs feeding? We’ve made it in such a way that it needs feeding.

John: It’s your orientation as awareness. The pain body doesn’t make you express the negativity; your present orientation guarantees you continuing in it. Even if your pain body were completely healed and wiped clean, a negative orientation is going to bring your pain body right back to where it was before it was healed. 

The moment a speck of negativity shows up in your heart, the fire alarm needs to go off. There’s a fire where a fire doesn’t belong, so it doesn’t matter how right you are within the building. It doesn’t matter what issues are being carried; everyone leaves the building. When the fire is out, everybody can go back into the building.

If you continue in the sense of rightness, you delude your self. You’ll use that negativity to fuel your clarity. That means that even humour, with a slight undertone of tightness, can’t have any of it. You will nurture negativity as part of your humour. Your child is going to learn from every nuance of how you are in your heart. It’s all training and the child wants to be just like you.

Q: It just makes me want to cry because it’s such a game changer. There’s no wiggle room at all.

John: Absolutely. You can’t even have your own private space where you recede into your self and the other person’s not welcome, or a little corner in your self where you have your own thoughts and feelings. Those are all like weed seeds – a whole barrel in the corner.

You can’t go at it in part. You need to address the whole thing, so the only way it actually works is to have none of it. If you don’t do it now, you’ll know how wrong you were when you’re dead, and you can’t make it right anymore.

Q: I just hope this baby will bring out the deeper in me.

John: People do not change their orientation for family. Orientation is thicker than blood. Having a baby can have you considering that you need to change your orientation but it’s not the baby that will have you changing it. It’s you being honest with what you’re realizing, and then going all the way through with that and doing it.

Q: So is there something that would help us remember?

John: In your relationship, dearness matters more than being right.

Q: So, as we turn into each other more and more, is that getting closer to what you’re talking about?

John: Beware of closer. Closer can never end. There’s closer and closer and closer and then there’s just shifting your orientation because you know it is true for you. If you’re going to do it with a process, do it within a few days because it doesn’t take more than a few days. It takes a little bit of time to do inventory on what you’re actually all about and how you’ve been fooling your self.

Q: So you think three days?

John: A few days, then you pull it all together, shift your orientation, and you apply that in your self. Cost is not a factor.

Then you’re an honest parent and your child will learn to be like you.

The Meaning Of Death

Q: When I first heard you speak about taking my death dearly to my heart, I was trembling and it was extremely provoking for me. I have been trying to do that, to embrace it and make it part of me. I know it’s all about letting go and basically being nobody in it. Would you speak more about it?

John: When your death is brought dearly into your heart, your whole relationship with your self ends as you’ve known it, and time, for you, opens.

Q: Time? Can you elaborate on that?

John: Death won’t be later anymore; it isn’t something that comes later. It’s welcomed into you. It opens the levels of life for you instead of life being contextualized through your relationship to your self. The deeper levels of life open together with the deeper levels of your self, allowing you as a being in all of your real levels to become one with your self instead of separate.

Q: Is that why my whole body is feeling wobbly and my brain is not the same? 

John: And because you are opening, your brain is opening. That opening creates a dynamic tension in your self. Part of that tension is like a love-excitement and part of it is apprehensiveness and fear.

Q: Apprehensiveness?

John: Nervous and scared.

Q: I don’t feel scared. I don’t feel fear.

John: It’s in your nervous system. You don’t know what it’s like yet to have a nervous system that is without that. You’re used to it.

Q: I am used to having death in my nervous system and now it will disappear because I embraced it.

John: Because of you, as love, letting in the meaning of death so that it’s free to come right into you. It doesn’t separate you from life. It opens you into life. Until death has opened you, you can’t really live. Until it’s opened you, you’ll be relating in life to what you like and what you don’t like. Your relationship to life will be polarized. 

The meaning of death is for you to be warmly taken by what is so other than your self, for you to be completely taken by what is beyond your self. It’s all within, and it’s beyond your self. As you let it take you, the beyond, within, will come up into your self and take your self, and it will take your life. 

Your body won’t die as this takes place. Your body will open up into all of its levels, altering your whole sense of reality and of life. You will be life from the innermost outwards, and then when your body dies you won’t go through very much change. Everything that you integrate in this opened life as a being remains as you, so then this innermost life that comes all the way out into life is death-proof. It’s the meaning of death that opened it and death isn’t going to close it; it’s already freed. 

Q: It seems that I’m getting more alive by dying in this process. It’s really paradoxical.

John: The life of an unintegrated self dies, just as it will when your body dies, and life as a being within the multiple levels of your body, of reality and life, replaces what has died. And when your body dies, all of this continues.

Q: You’ve also said that it takes ten thousand times longer to evolve when you’re dead than when you’re in a body…

John: I don’t know how accurate the number is, but it’s something like that.

Q: A lot more! So we just follow what is here, being here, seeing…

John: And then instead of you being quite a bit the same as this world, you will live in Planet Opportunity.

Q: What do you mean?

John: That’s this planet, for a being in a body. 

Q: And after we die? 

John: All of the deeper levels of your body remain with you. Most of what your body is stays with you. It’s only the physical aspect, as you relate to it so far, that ends. 

What happens next, after your body has died, is you full-on continuing. It’s a little like graduating from school and then entering the rest of life.

Q: Thank you, John.