Month: February 2019

The Real Purpose of Sexuality

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Q: What is the real purpose of sexual relationship?

John: The perfect communion of you as a being, through all of your heart, including all of your self and all of your body. Sexuality is the engine of humanness. It belongs to your being, and when you move in your sexuality and you orientate to what you think and feel in your self, without any reference to your heart, then your sexuality is turned over to the conditioning in your self.

When your sexuality is returned to your being, by being only in your heart in it, and from there being what you know in your heart in it, then your sexuality and your movement in it has unlimited reach into your being. Through your own sexuality you comprehend your being, and through your sexuality you’re able to perfectly express your being, despite whatever condition your self is in.

Your sexuality is your most powerful means of making your being physical, but it can be used to make your self even more physical. Sexuality is the capacity that you have to commune directly with another from the innermost outwards. It belongs to your being. If you turn it around, then sexuality becomes an experience of attraction and aversion. It gives you your experience – powerful experience – of the unintegrated reach into the want and need of communion.

How Can I Be Of Real Support?

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Q: I’ve recently welcomed into my home a family member who is an addict. Normally I’m a fairly balanced person, but now there’s uncertainty about how to manage everything and support her. I feel both resentment and great love. I’m struggling with how to be balanced in my heart amongst all the different responsibilities and give support, without really knowing how. Can you help?

John: Any past investments that you’ve had in hardening or in closing, any excuses that you have for ill-feeling or resentment you don’t need for you to be in your heart toward the other. When you enjoy and then love that you have no real reason for resentment, that leaves you unconditionally in your heart. So your first relationship with your family member is not by doing anything for her. Your first relationship and your deeper relationship is what you are in your heart toward the other. In the midst of anything that you’ve taken to heart of what the other has been, not been, or done to you, you unconditionally open and soften.

Without that, your past, because of how you relate to it, corrupts what you do for the other. Something of that story is present in your self always influencing, even when you don’t feel it. It’s what you’re being toward the other, and then with the other, that determines all of the greater value of what you do for the other. Without that, in your doing, you fool your self. Then you’ll do something to compensate for a lack in your self, concerning the other. In a really coarse kind of way that could appear as doing something good on the surface for the other because you have a sense of guilt for holding resentment, so instead of releasing the resentment, instead of fundamentally opening and softening, you’ll do good. When that’s there, the doing of the good is other than genuine.

When your real relationship from within your heart toward the other is simply clean, whatever you do will easily also be clean. Concerning the other, once you’ve released something of what you’ve taken to heart of any kind of ill-treatment, or anything where you’ve taken your self to heart – when that’s just simply released, then your relationship with the other from within you is clean and clear. Your movement toward the other on a heart level is no longer conditioned by something in your self or something in the other, so your love is unfettered. It’s unconditioned.

Then, when you bring the other into your household to help them, have really kind conditions so their presence there is conditional, while your deeper relationship towards the other is unconditional. You being both the unconditional and the conditional – but they’re on different levels – will bring up everything in your self that you’ve avoided and haven’t dealt with.

Q: Thank you.

 

 

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce

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Q: How can I best support my daughter through her parents’ splitting-up and through all the changing outer circumstances, like moving house?

John: By enjoying her.

Q: “Enjoying” … do you mean loving?

John: “Loving” can become complicated.

Q: What do you mean by that?

John: If you enjoy her, you will love her. If you “love” her you might be putting something on to her.

Q: A bit too much?

John: Love is not too much. A personalized love can be too much.

Q: Is it necessarily damaging for a child to experience their parents’ splitting-up?

John: If a child needs it to be damaging: yes.

Q: So it depends on how the child experiences it?

John: If you are just directly enjoying her, that inclines her to open. When she opens she’ll feel the hurt of what’s taking place and it won’t damage her.

Q: Like everything else, it’s about opening more and more?

John: Life hurts. Love hurts. Hurt is fine. Closing when there’s hurt, hardens.

Q: Trying to prevent someone else from hurting is also closing?

John: Yes. When you protect someone from hurt, the actual communication in that is that you’re telling them how bad it is, whereas when they’re hurting and you’re enjoying the other person, you’re telling them deep within how really all right everything is. So they realize a deeper level within than they’re experiencing in themselves within the hurt. It brings about a deeper perspective, so the next time there’s a difficulty in life that also really hurts, they remember what they went into the time before.

Q: And they get acquainted with it and start to trust it?

John: Yes. Within that there’s the realization that life isn’t about not hurting. Life is about the goodness of opening, the goodness of opening within, even while it hurts.

Q: Yes, I know that goodness, yet I notice that since having her I’ve tried to give her a life that would never hurt and that takes away the experience needed for a person to go deeper.

John: If you protect someone from hurt, you’re protecting them from what’s deeper. It isn’t the hurt that’s deeper, but when you focus on the hurt, you’re distracting the awareness within that person from what is deeper. You take them away from what is deeper by focusing them on the hurt, by trying to protect them from hurting.

Q: It seems so normal for a mother to want their child not to hurt. I hadn’t seen that we take something from them when we do that.

John: Don’t be her mother. Just see her, and enjoy her.

What Shall I Do With The Rest Of My Life?

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Q: I recently retired from work. I’m sixty-two. I intend to live beyond ninety and am thinking what to do with the remaining thirty years of my life. The question is about focus and choice. What is my task for these remaining thirty years in this life?

John: To awaken to your much greater interior within that hasn’t yet been a part of your life. Your awakening to that will cost you what has been your life.

Aside from anything at all to do with your self, you have knowledge that there’s more and that the more isn’t at all like your self; it isn’t at all like what your life has been. This more is not something that you’re familiar with, but when you’re completely at rest, quieted and gentled as awareness, you just simply know the truth of it.

If that knowledge within is likened to a door, you need to enter that door. The use of your mind isn’t going to help you. It is awareness alone that enters. If you use anything of your self or your person, if you use anything of your history, if you use anything that is from memory you’ll be entering more of what you have already been in your self. You won’t be entering this greater knowledge within that you have no understanding of and that you do simply know the truth of.

All you have of this is your knowing. As awareness you need to believe your own knowing of this. Believing such knowing that has nothing yet to do with your self has you, as awareness, directly relating to this much greater interior that isn’t limited to your body and is not at all limited to your self. It is so much beyond your self that from within your self, as a self, you cannot relate to it. Yet you, as awareness, know the truth of it.

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