Transcripts on Parenting

Lage Vuursche

Teaching Children How To Handle Power

Q: I think my young son is testing boundaries, and he sometimes quite intentionally does things we’ve asked him not to do. He seems to want our reaction or response.

John: He wants to play with power, so you need to play back to him with your power.

Q: How do I do that?

John: By being in your power and really moving it, while carefully reading your child. If you use too much, you’re going to overwhelm him. If you use too little, you mistakenly empower him...

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Canada

A Deeper Level Of Mother – A Real And Unusual Love

Q: I want to know how best to support my son in what he’s going through both physically and emotionally while I’m so far away. We’ve had some lovely conversations on the phone, but afterwards I felt he was missing me and it was heart-breaking.

John: Your deeper womanness has more real reach than the motherly responses that you’re accustomed to. Your motherly response is to rush in. Your response from within your deeper womanness doesn’t rush in. It reaches directly and finds him, but not where he’s looking from, which directs his heart awareness to where it belongs...

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Israel

Pregnancy And Parenting: Making Your Heart As A Womb

Q: I’m trying to get pregnant and for a few years I’ve been having fertility treatments. It’s not happening, and I wonder how to deal with that. It feels like it’s taken everything from me.

John: It’s taken everything from you because you’re making the prospect of being pregnant mean too much. You’re giving it meaning that it doesn’t have. You’re taking meaning from everything else and giving it to the possibility, the wish, the need and the want of becoming pregnant. So working on becoming pregnant is depleting your self...

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San Francisco

What Is Real Parenting?

Q: Earlier this year I had a vision of having a wife and two children in about ten years’ time. Now, my girlfriend and I are four months into her pregnancy – a little earlier than expected – and it’s pushing our evolution, for sure! You’ve been talking about the innocence of children, so I wonder what you would say about approaching parenting, and about receiving from children in that process.

John: Amazingly, there are two beings in her body, and despite everything else that’s occurring, they’re communing...

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San Francisco

How Can I Be A Real Mother To My Baby?

Q: Since my baby was conceived I’ve seen how grounded my self is in certain beliefs. I’ve moved into what opening and softening really is in connection to the baby, and it’s something very different. What does it truly mean to be a mother in relation to the beingness of the baby?

John: Being a mother is a role of yours, and the real relationship isn’t first that of a mother and a baby, or a mother and a child. The real relationship is directly within the bond that’s there: how the two of you directly connect as beings.  ..

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Canada

The Healing Power Of Tenderness

Q: My daughter is seventeen years old and I’m wondering what I can do for the best to heal the ways she may have been hurt by us whilst growing up. How can we parents become truly one with our children for everyone’s sake?

John: By letting tenderness replace worry, letting tenderness replace concern. Your concern doesn’t touch her heart; your tenderness does. Your concern separates you from her. Your concern for her is truly more about you than her, whereas your tenderness for her is genuinely for her...

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Denmark

Nurturing Your Child’s Goldenness

Q: My question is to do with my daughter. Sometimes I think I’m too judgmental and don’t accept her personality. I’m always thinking about what others think of her, wanting her to be a certain way. It’s hard for me to accept that she has her own way and personality. I love her very much but don’t know how to deal with my feelings – or her, sometimes.

John: Everything that you feel about her that is nurturing, every feeling you have for her that touches your heart, say to her without adding anything else to it, so when you start to speak, that’s not a reason for you to say everything else that you think and feel...

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Israel

A Deeper Level Of Parenting: Awakening Your Child’s Interior

Q: I have a question about my eleven-year-old son. He has some difficulties in school. It seems that regular school is not right for him and I’m looking at others. How do you see the importance of the school years? Am I doing more than I should, or not enough?

John: The deeper the level of your parenting, the less it makes any difference what school your child goes to.

Q: But he is only there for half a day and he suffers there!..

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Amsterdam

Mothering From Your Unadorned Heart

Q: I would like to deepen the connection between me and my child, and be more aware in it. Can you help me to do that?

John: Be really seen. Reveal your heart and give your heart without embellishment, so that when you’re giving your heart, your heart given is unadorned. Then your child is fully meeting you. Don’t push your way or have your own way. Don’t use any power to have what is personal for you at your child’s expense, and at the same time be kindly strong with what you are clear about...

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Lage Vuursche

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce

Q: How can I best support my daughter through her parents’ splitting-up and through all the changing outer circumstances, like moving house?

John: By enjoying her.

Q: “Enjoying” … do you mean loving?

John: “Loving” can become complicated.

Q: What do you mean by that?

John: If you enjoy her, you will love her. If you “love” her you might be putting something on to her.

Q: A bit too much?

John: Love is not too much...

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