Transcripts on Parenting

Amsterdam

Mothering From Your Unadorned Heart

Q: I would like to deepen the connection between me and my child, and be more aware in it. Can you help me to do that?

John: Be really seen. Reveal your heart and give your heart without embellishment, so that when you’re giving your heart, your heart given is unadorned. Then your child is fully meeting you. Don’t push your way or have your own way. Don’t use any power to have what is personal for you at your child’s expense, and at the same time be kindly strong with what you are clear about...

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Lage Vuursche

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce

Q: How can I best support my daughter through her parents’ splitting-up and through all the changing outer circumstances, like moving house?

John: By enjoying her.

Q: “Enjoying” … do you mean loving?

John: “Loving” can become complicated.

Q: What do you mean by that?

John: If you enjoy her, you will love her. If you “love” her you might be putting something on to her.

Q: A bit too much?

John: Love is not too much...

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Canada

Living Your Life From The Deepest Peace Within

Q: If I’m true in what my heart is wanting and desiring, it’s to have a child. It’s probably been six years since I’ve had a partner and I’m forty-four next month. I’m wondering whether to do it on my own, with insemination. I feel this strong desire and it’s been there for years. I would like any advice you have.

John: First, most deeply within, deep within your heart – deeply, gentled and quieted in your heart – there you have need of nothing...

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Gillingham

How To Connect With Your Autistic Child

Q: One of the happiest people I know is my eight-year-old grandson, who is autistic. He is so creative in what he does, but he often plays entirely on his own. I’m wondering if autism is a defense against the world? It occurred when he was about two years old. I wonder if he’s operating at a higher spiritual level than most of us, or is it a lower level?

John: Higher, but not higher in a way that works or is conducive to this world...

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Lage Vuursche

Move with Clarity, but Hold it Lightly

Q: I hope to get more ability and clarity. I saw that I took my self to heart for a long time and I feel embarrassing and awkward.

John: Instead of feeling embarrassed and awkward in your self, with a little shift you can be sweetly embarrassed and sweetly awkward. That puts you in your heart while you’re in your self. When you feel deflated in your self, that comes from an ego reference that you’ve developed, and with just a little shift you can dislodge that…

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Canada

Solitude and Clarity

Q: I experienced that I wasn’t in this room any more. I just experienced that it went very deep and I wasn’t in this room anymore. Can you explain to me what that is?

John: You not being in your self.

Q: After my other talk with you where I really opened, what I opened to has always stayed with me, but I don’t always find how I can give that right action or movement in my self.

John: In that space, your person and your self matter little…

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Germany

A New Level of ‘Mother’

Q: My son came up here and there’s a pain in my heart. It’s like something isn’t completed with him. I still carry him. I carry his pain, but sometimes I see that I can be loyal to his little self and I know that’s not what he needs. I have a little guilt of my own for being so ready to take off and let my children go their own way and have their own path. I feel I need to show them and I can’t because I need to first settle in that myself…

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Germany

Providing For Your Child And For Your Self

Q: John, how can I be in this space and do things? How do I find this space and take care of the needs of my kids? I came here tonight because I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility. With all the caring I have for my daughter there also comes anxiety. How to do it?

John: In the same way that you are in this, in what this space is for you: the way of openness and softness of heart.

Q: What hurts is having to say “no.”

John: Say “yes” as this and say “no” as this…

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Amsterdam

Deepening the Connection Between You and Your Child

Q: Hello, John. I would like to deepen the connection between me and my child and my being aware of it, so I’d like it if you would help me to do that.From the September 13, 2011 evening meeting with John de Ruiter in Amsterdam, The Netherlands

John: Be really seen. Reveal your heart and give your heart without embellishment, so that, when you’re giving your heart, your heart given is unadorned. Then your child is fully meeting you.

Don’t push your way or have your own way…

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