Your Greatest Strength

Q: I’ve had some insights and experiences in the past but I forget. Then there is in daily life this identification again with emotions, thoughts. Maybe you can say something about this.

John: Your difficulty is quite understandable. If you had no forms, if you didn’t have a body and a self, you wouldn’t have the constant reflection back to you. You would be unstructured awareness. All of your forms enable you to experience what you are in form, but if that form draws you into its structures it necessarily draws you into an experience. It enables you to recognize your own beingness in your own movements. It works so well that it is profoundly difficult to realize what you are in the midst of all of that.

You have an entire nervous system drawing you away from the unseen beingness. That nervous system is affected very strongly by everything that touches it. It has you experiencing pleasure and pain, attraction and aversion. Once you’ve awakened to what is deeper than all of that, awakened to some sense within of what your source is, of what you’ve come from, some sense of what you are as a being, to sustain your awareness of that is also the retraining of your nervous system, developing a self that is more like what you first are instead of just being in a self that is programmed to protect itself. For you to be what is deeper than your own nervous system you’ll be going against the experience of it. You’ll be going against your self.

For you to be what you first are you will be going against what your self is. In your self and in your own nervous system you’re programmed to protect the form you have. That programming has you then experiencing that your form is you. You’re completely integrated into your form.

For you as awareness to recede into the deep and to be what you first are, you will have a self that doesn’t match that. The self you have is a basic form of self. You have awareness of what is deeper in your self and what’s higher in your self, but your practice isn’t in what’s higher. Without what’s deeper in your self and higher in your self being integrated, you’ll be locked into your basic personality and your basic experience of your self.

Q: But how can I integrate what I’ve experience that I am?

John: You can integrate the deeper by surrendering to being it in the midst of your self. Whatever self you have, whatever kind of self you have, isn’t really a problem. It’s the form you have. For you to be within your self what you’ve awakened to puts you into profound difficulty. It has you realizing that for you to be functional in this, you need a different kind of self. You need a higher self and a deeper self.

The beingness of what you first are is different than your experience of the beingness that’s most common in your self. The beingness in your self is driven by your nervous system. You’re able as awareness to be what’s different than that, but being that will be contrary to what your own self is; it will be contrary to your own nervous system. The experience of your nervous system being agitated strongly distracts you from the profound beingness that are levels deeper. The self you have and its structuring demands your attention. It demands that you not be a higher self or a deeper self. Your effort to be a higher self or a deeper self has you then as an accustomed self being in reaction to your self. It confirms the very thing that you’re trying to get away from.

Trying to be a different self has you then being even more like what your accustomed self is, your everyday self. It has you being in reaction against your own self. It has you experiencing the opposite of what you long to be in your heart.

Instead of looking to change something in your self, surrender your own awareness to the realization of what you are within. That has you accessing a gentled beingness within a nervous system that isn’t like that. That has you then being rested in your heart despite having a nervous system that is constantly being agitated by the positive and the negative. What you’ll be developing then is a different kind of heart than what your self is like. That has you being more aware of your heart than your self. In that, it isn’t difficult to have an open and a soft heart in the midst of a self that seems and feels closed and hard. That has you moving in your own beingness, a deeper beingness.

When you surrender to opening and softening within, that has you coming into a softer and more open heart within which you’ll experience as more of a brokenness, a vulnerability. Instead of having a strength in your person, you become more acquainted with the fineness and the weakness of being. In your self, you’re programmed to relate to strength. In your being you naturally move as a very fine and tender weakness, where you don’t have the need of strength. In your self you need the strength, but needing that strength to be functional in a difficult world tends to change your orientation, where you believe that you also need to be the same deeper within. That kind of orientation distracts you from the openness and the softness, your basic deeper beingness, so you’ll keep experiencing a split-within where you’ve been awakened to a deeper kind of beingness and a knowledge of what you are, a knowledge of oneness.

You’re able to be what you first are in the midst of the kind of self you have without first trying to change your self. Being that in the midst of the kind of self you have does change your self, but your focus as awareness cannot be that of needing to change your self. You just simply cannot trust or refer to your experience of your self to tell you the truth within, to tell you what you are.

Listen to John de Ruiter Audio Podcast 24 – Your Greatest Strength is in Your Weakest Weakness or visit the John de Ruiter YouTube Channel

Rested in Your Heart Despite an Agitated Nervous System

Q: I’ve had some insights and experiences in the past but I forget. Then there is in daily life this identification again with emotions, thoughts. Maybe you can say something about this.

John: Your difficulty is quite understandable. If you had no forms, if you didn’t have a body and a self, you wouldn’t have the constant reflection back to you. You would be unstructured awareness. All of your forms enable you to experience what you are in form, but if that form draws you into its structures it necessarily draws you into an experience. It enables you to recognize your own beingness in your own movements. It works so well that it is profoundly difficult to realize what you are in the midst of all of that.

You have an entire nervous system drawing you away from the unseen beingness. That nervous system is affected very strongly by everything that touches it. It has you experiencing pleasure and pain, attraction and aversion. Once you’ve awakened to what is deeper than all of that, awakened to some sense within of what your source is, of what you’ve come from, some sense of what you are as a being, to sustain your awareness of that is also the retraining of your nervous system, developing a self that is more like what you first are instead of just being in a self that is programmed to protect itself. For you to be what is deeper than your own nervous system you’ll be going against the experience of it. You’ll be going against your self.

For you to be what you first are you will be going against what your self is. In your self and in your own nervous system you’re programmed to protect the form you have. That programming has you then experiencing that your form is you. You’re completely integrated into your form.

For you as awareness to recede into the deep and to be what you first are, you will have a self that doesn’t match that. The self you have is a basic form of self. You have awareness of what is deeper in your self and what’s higher in your self, but your practice isn’t in what’s higher. Without what’s deeper in your self and higher in your self being integrated, you’ll be locked into your basic personality and your basic experience of your self.

Q: But how can I integrate what I’ve experience that I am?

John: You can integrate the deeper by surrendering to being it in the midst of your self. Whatever self you have, whatever kind of self you have, isn’t really a problem. It’s the form you have. For you to be within your self what you’ve awakened to puts you into profound difficulty. It has you realizing that for you to be functional in this, you need a different kind of self. You need a higher self and a deeper self.

The beingness of what you first are is different than your experience of the beingness that’s most common in your self. The beingness in your self is driven by your nervous system. You’re able as awareness to be what’s different than that, but being that will be contrary to what your own self is; it will be contrary to your own nervous system. The experience of your nervous system being agitated strongly distracts you from the profound beingness that are levels deeper. The self you have and its structuring demands your attention. It demands that you not be a higher self or a deeper self. Your effort to be a higher self or a deeper self has you then as an accustomed self being in reaction to your self. It confirms the very thing that you’re trying to get away from.

Trying to be a different self has you then being even more like what your accustomed self is, your everyday self. It has you being in reaction against your own self. It has you experiencing the opposite of what you long to be in your heart.

Instead of looking to change something in your self, surrender your own awareness to the realization of what you are within. That has you accessing a gentled beingness within a nervous system that isn’t like that. That has you then being rested in your heart despite having a nervous system that is constantly being agitated by the positive and the negative. What you’ll be developing then is a different kind of heart than what your self is like. That has you being more aware of your heart than your self. In that, it isn’t difficult to have an open and a soft heart in the midst of a self that seems and feels closed and hard. That has you moving in your own beingness, a deeper beingness.

When you surrender to opening and softening within, that has you coming into a softer and more open heart within which you’ll experience as more of a brokenness, a vulnerability. Instead of having a strength in your person, you become more acquainted with the fineness and the weakness of being. In your self, you’re programmed to relate to strength. In your being you naturally move as a very fine and tender weakness, where you don’t have the need of strength. In your self you need the strength, but needing that strength to be functional in a difficult world tends to change your orientation, where you believe that you also need to be the same deeper within. That kind of orientation distracts you from the openness and the softness, your basic deeper beingness, so you’ll keep experiencing a split-within where you’ve been awakened to a deeper kind of beingness and a knowledge of what you are, a knowledge of oneness.

You’re able to be what you first are in the midst of the kind of self you have without first trying to change your self. Being that in the midst of the kind of self you have does change your self, but your focus as awareness cannot be that of needing to change your self. You just simply cannot trust or refer to your experience of your self to tell you the truth within, to tell you what you are.

Read moreRested in Your Heart Despite an Agitated Nervous System

You Are the Healer of Your Self and Your Person

Q: I’d like to know why I don’t have a flow in my finance, home and work.

John: For you that isn’t going to come easily. For some, with a little added awareness, there’s a lot of result; for you it would require much awareness to have some result. You would experience that and perceive that as a disadvantage.

It is a disadvantage to your self in your person from a worldly perspective, but it isn’t a disadvantage to you. Your acceptance of the experience of that lack enables you not to be a victim of it, not a victim of comparison, enabling you to take responsibility for it. It’s part of the package that you’ve come into this world with, and it is a package that works well in addressing what you need to be focusing on.

Your heartful address of this has you expiring immediate resources, finding out what doesn’t work, directing you to much deeper resources: ultimately the awakening of what you are as awareness. For you to be taking full responsibility in having such a package, you’ll be needing to move past your self, no longer using the experience of your self as a standard for you. If you’re not using your own self as a standard, as a place from which to relate, then you have what is deeper than that: your own being, within which there is no lack, no deficiency, and even deeper than that — what you are as meaning knowing, having a balanced being and a self and a person within your life not in balance.

The imbalance in your experience directs you to your self until you begin to realize that the answer to your self doesn’t come from your self; it comes from your own being, with that being rooted in what you are as meaning, meaning knowing. When you come into realization of anything deeper within than what your self is, having the kind of self you have, the kind of person you have, is a wondrous help to you. Lack directs you to your own beingness and to what you are as meaning to heal the self and the person that you have that is in your care.

For you to see all of this from within what is deeper than your self is exciting and nectarful. It brings you to being plugged in, within, and no longer plugged in to lack and deficiency, no longer plugged in to comparison. You are no longer your experience of your self. That makes you more than what your self is. You’re able to answer your self. You’re able to answer your person.

For you to be seeing this is a privilege. You need to no longer burden your self in judging your self from the perspective of the experience of your self. You are able to be the life-feed to your self and to your person by no longer coming from your self and your person, by coming from what is deeper than that. In this you’re awakening to, you are not like your self and you’re not like your person. You don’t have the lack and the deficiency that your self and your person have. You are their healing. Remain awakened to the privilege and you will be their healing.

Listen to John de Ruiter Audio Podcast 29 – You Are the Healer of Your Self and Your Person or visit John de Ruiter on iTunes