Transcripts on Relationship

San Francisco

Unconditional Openness: Your Love, Your Freedom

Q: I notice in my intimate, sexual relationships that I can be in a moment of openness, comfort and radiance, and then if I’m spoken to in a way that feels aggressive, unkind or mean I’m very quick to close my heart and my being. I really don’t enjoy that experience. What should I do when my heart feels hurt?

John: Quite simply, at absolutely any cost, don’t close.

Q: How? That feels like the only way to feel safe.

John: You don’t need to feel safe...

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Israel

High Level Relationship: A Rich, Deep Togetherness

Q: As I’m sitting here together with my husband, can you speak with us about the relationship? Do the man and the woman have roles?

John: Where there is a use of personality in relating to each other, there will be an emptiness just beneath it. Keeping things active negatively or positively, on the level of personality, increases the emptiness. 

Just beneath the emptiness you have your real meeting with each other, where neither personality nor emptiness matters. It is there that quieted vulnerability knows and sees...

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Israel

One Touch Of Dearness: The Change Of Your Nervous System

Q: The tenderness and beauty that I know within is so easy to be in when I’m alone, and with some people it is easy. With others it’s much more difficult!

John: That’s where it matters more.

Q: There are a couple of people in my life that are pushing my buttons in a way that I have no control over, and I need your help.

John: The buttons that they push are the buttons that you don’t need...

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Israel

Free Of Control: Being Together In Love

Q: I want to talk to you about control. I really know I need to let go of control in my life, in particular my controlling of other people. I’m always telling my partner what to do, and not believing he’s doing his best.

John: That’s because you let your nervous system master you. You let your nervous system rule instead of you letting your gentled and quieted heart rule. 

Practically, this is like you, in the circumstances of your relationship and your life, quietly enjoying that you no longer need to be in control; you, quietly being nurtured in no longer needing control. ..

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Denmark

How Can I Be With My Angry Father?

Q: A few years ago I decided not to see my father anymore. Sometimes I feel it’s not okay to say “no” to your father, but it has also given me huge peace. I’m scared of getting caught in this father/daughter story again when I go home, but I’ve also realized that I don’t need love from my parents. I don’t know whether to see him now, or not.

John: Whether you see him or not, it needs to be warm. Then not seeing him or seeing him is not because of any kind of issue...

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India

The End Of A Relationship: A Good Place To See Each Other Newly

Q: I have a question about my relationship with my girlfriend. For years I’ve felt it is over, yet I’m struggling to bring it to an end.  On one level I feel I could stay in it forever; on other levels I don’t feel it nourishes me. But it breaks my heart because she’s a friend and I care for her. To end the relationship would confront a level of pain in both of us that feels impossible to digest.

John: Instead of ending your relationship, end your relationship with pain and you’ll see her differently...

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Canada

A Life-Change For Your Marriage: Loving Your Husband From A Deeper You

Q: I feel as if I’m in the biggest crisis of my life. I’ve been married for twenty years, and thirty years ago I was in love with a man twenty years older than me. He was married, with children. A few years ago he called me and our love is still there. My husband knows about him. It’s so hard to choose between these two men. I need your help! And recently the word “stay” has been coming to me.

John: Stay in your relationship with your husband...

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Bad Meinberg

A Simple Forgiveness Exercise For You

Q: My daughter is the person I love most on the planet. I deeply and dearly love her and she me, but she took a partner and the moment I saw him, I saw that he has no substance. Nothing. We’ve tried to get along but I can no longer be in the same room with him. When I visit, I ask that he is not there. It’s all starting to make me ill. Even my grand-children are aware of it now and ask us to be nice to each other…

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Germany

Healing Your Broken Heart

Q: Hi, John. This is the first time I’ve met you. I had a very short relationship about one and a half years ago and it’s still very painful. I can’t understand why I can’t let it go. How can I feel that love, happiness and sense of being complete within myself, and not be looking to find it outside? 

John: By being gentled and quieted in your heart in the midst of such pain; by having need of nothing in the midst of such pain...

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Israel

Finding Real Togetherness In Relationship

Q: I’ve been in relationship for almost twenty years, and in all these years of living next to each other we don’t have togetherness; we can’t connect and communicate. It’s as if we speak different languages. Something in me says this part of my life is over, but I also wonder if I’m creating the problem and don’t give him a chance to understand me.

John: He doesn’t need to understand you. To be in a real relationship the two of you only need to be together...

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