From the September 1, 2015 evening informal meeting with John de Ruiter in Nordegg, Canada
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What is My Life’s Purpose?
Q: How do I learn and live my life’s purpose?
John: By first so deeply not needing a life purpose. You’re burdened with wanting to have purpose; it blinds you of any authentic purpose. When you’re trying to have it, you can’t see it. When want and need looks for purpose, all it finds is want and need. It finds lack. First you need to come to complete rest in what has, in you, no lack whatsoever. So there isn’t even the thought or the feeling of a need for a purpose. Then you can see without the use of your past. Then you can see like how you used to see when you were really little, where you didn’t have an understanding of a sense of purpose, but how you were within, and how you moved, was golden.
You can’t find your real purpose in any kind of reflection that you see in this world. That sense of purpose that you’d be looking for in such a reflection puts you into a performance mode in your self. It makes you performance-oriented, which shows you how much you don’t have; it shows you your lack. Your real purpose cannot be found outside of you being what you really are and what you first are within. It’s going to originate, it’s going to come back to you being at home in your heart, not conditioned by any surface having or not-having.
As you come back into being completely at home in your heart, without being dependent on the present condition of your self to come into some kind of sense of purpose, when you’re returned, as awareness, to being what you really are, then you’re able to manifest what that is in the midst of your self. You’re able to manifest your being in your self and in your life. That’s an inward purpose that isn’t dependent on you even understanding such a purpose. As you return to your heart and to what you really are within that’s deeper than any kind of conditioned sense of your self, you begin to fulfill a deep, profound, inward purpose, and that is you coming from within, moving outwardly, not conditioned by any sense of lack.
It’s the kind of purpose that no occurrence in your life, nothing that happens to your life, your body, your mind, your self, there’s no kind of trauma that interferes. With this most deeply realized purpose, then everything that comes your way feeds what you really are manifesting in form within even in the worst of circumstances. Everything helps you, in what you really are, to come from your innermost outwards.
Your Nervous System Aligned to the Beyond
Q: As I sit here, I feel like I’m on a boat alone and the water is still and there’s no wind. I’m standing at the front of the boat, and I know that I’m waiting for something, and yet I don’t know what. When I woke up this morning, the words that came to me were ‘bring it on.’ What brought me to the chair was my daughter, the purity in her heart. I want to ask you to show me what needs cleaning in me.
John: If your personal life has a position of prominence, you won’t have a horizon, within, that is beyond your own life. As you stand in the front of the boat looking far out, have a horizon within that goes well beyond the one you see as a person.
That gives you full presence in this world with you clearly not being a ‘world-ling.’ You do everything that you need to do in your life, not because of the self you have, but because of what you know that is so far beyond your self. Your connection to that as awareness is what you use to position your self. You position your self in what you know is beyond, while the development of your self in this world continues.
As you live knowing and seeing from within a much greater horizon than what you can perceive as a person, your eyes will change, revealing a much deeper inner substance. It’s your real presence beyond anything that can affect your self, and it is what guides your self. You’ll always know the darkness that’s beyond the light you see, and you live reading it. It’s that depth of knowing that you’re anchored in. It’s what has your life.
For you, what I come from you know you’re going to.
……………………… Second Questioner…………………………
Q: John, it felt like a every single word you just spoke landed in me very clearly.
John: It’s where you’re going.
Q: I knew that was true for me, as well. I’ve been seeing that everything I’m in is really a relationship to knowing. A couple of years ago, you said, ‘perfecting belief. Suffering no distraction. Enabling entrance. Love to us.’ And the other day I thought, ‘that’s really all I’m doing here. I’m perfecting belief in what I know. It’s so intricate and there are so many dimensions to it. Sometimes when I connect with somebody, there’s this feeling that we’ve already died. We can be talking about things we’re knowing and seeing, but in the connection it feels like everything is known between us and there’s nothing to do in it.
John: You have taken personal inventory and laid it down to what you know, which has set your sight to a different horizon. It’s changed how and why you think. That different seeing has raised your mind to a level higher than your self. That mind is becoming the source of your personal perspective.
Q: It’s a different aspect or dimension of knowing. I realized that something changed for me. I realized that nothing is ever too much for me. I feel a presence in me. It’s not just a concept. It’s different. It’s not just knowing something. I would love if you could clarify for me how those two are connected, that sense of the beyond and knowing that there’s nothing to do in that at all.
John: You became what you knew in what was beyond your self, and you became staid in it. It gives you presence in relationship to what you know is beyond, enabling you as awareness to not just know and see into the beyond, but also to carry its weight, and there are more such points that you’re able to come into.
Q: That sense of never too much, would that be like a point from the beyond?
John: Your self in all of its conditioning and your past, together with this whole world, isn’t too much, and what you’re stepping into of the beyond is also not too much. As you are staid in that, the truth of it isn’t just known by you, it becomes realized in your body.
Q: It’s a response of the nervous system.
John: (Nods) It’s where your nervous system is aligned to your being and to the beyond. That presence that you’ve come into is your embodiment of the truth, within, that you’ve not only responded to, but given over to. It’s becoming embodied, that which you know you are of, despite the self and world that you’re in.
Q: It creates an unusual relationship with this world.
John: It gives you the power of freedom beyond what this world can comprehend. It’s what gives you a higher level of mobility in this world.
As you become its future by virtue of this presence, you are being its end, its answer.
Q: Is it that being staid in one of those points is what brings that to all the other points? I sense that these points are all connected.
John: For you to function as this presence, you’ll need to come into the other points.
Q: In the meeting that you had with last week, when I was coming into it, you were immediately in me and what was more important was my knowing within that. It didn’t matter if the experience left, and there was no lack. What does it take to be staid in that completely?
John: Being into it gone.
Q: When you said that, it was like the knowing came up and it’s like going into the beyond of this world, into the beyond of any experience or condition. The knowing goes beyond.
John: Into that, you were gone, and there you were staid in it, and without the use of effort you perfected your belief while you were in.
Q: That place I was describing in connecting with others, that beyond is the place of knowledge perfected.
John: Yes.
Q: In staying there, in a real and not yet fully understood sense in me, it really is the end of this world for me as I know it.
John: Yes.
Q: That ending is happening on different levels. When you were speaking, I could follow, and in some way I would almost follow too far, and there were moments when I fell into a kind of sleep. Do you know what I mean?
John: As you follow in, follow in not without that presence.
Q: Are you saying that when I was following, I wasn’t following with the full presence?
John: (Nods)
Q: Okay.
John: Following in without that presence is like you going to your car for a drive, but forgetting your keys. You can do that, but then you’ll need to go back and collect your keys.
Q: My nervous system is attuned to that presence now, so when it’s not there, something naturally stops and I have to go and collect my keys.
John: Yes. Anything that you have embodied that is key to the beyond, you cannot move without. You can move as a self, you can move in this world, you can move in so many different ways, but you won’t be able to move as what you know is beyond.
Q: When I sleep, I’m not asleep the way I used to be. I wake up laughing as I come back into that presence.
John: Your real and higher mobility isn’t dependent on the condition of your self. It isn’t dependent on the integration of your self, while being it integrates your self. You wake up laughing because, in embodying what you’re of, you’re free of all you’re in. You are simply beyond your self.
Q: So there actually is no work for me to do in this world.
John: Yes.
Q: It’s all done from the beyond whilst I’m in this world.
John: It’s done from within this presence that is absolutely key, key to where you’re going and key to what is coming in, key to functioning as what is coming in.
Q: When I’m fully in this presence and connecting with you, it remains very simple for me. Even though I see so many different things and it’s very beautiful, it stays very simple for me. Is that how it is?
John: Yes.
Q: If I lose that sense of very simple presence, it’s not worth anything for me. That simple presence is really key. John, are we able to travel with you without that simple presence, or when we’re travelling with you, is that because there’s always a little bit of that?
John: When the presence is yours because of what you have embodied, you will travel as you know. You have the mobility. Without that presence you can be taken on a trip, one that you have not yet earned, that you won’t be able to sustain on your own. As you come into that presence, as you travel, you’ll be able to carry some of the weight of what you travel into. Without that presence you cannot carry any weight. All you can be in is knowing and seeing.
Your Relationship With Sexuality Is Your Relationship With Power.
Q: A few days ago, I became aware how much energy, how much awareness is going towards sexuality. It touched me deep to see that. Here I come on this border of pulling and wanting. Sometimes I can see very clear, but I also know, I get confused there as well.
John: Your relationship with sexuality is your relationship with power. Your sexuality is something for you to completely be in without a trace of need, and that is you being in your power without using your power. Your relationship with your sexuality shows you your relationship with your power as soon as you’re aware of your sexuality. If you’re not completely free of your own power, then while you’re aware of your sexuality, there is either ‘want’ or ‘don’t want’. There is either a need to have or a need to not have, versus being in your sexuality without personal issue, without any want of having or want of not having; being in your sexuality with your heart being completely at rest; being in your sexuality without the presence of tension. Where there’s need, there’s tension.
Your use of power shows up as soon as you’re in your sexuality.
Q: Is this also the source of lots of suffering? It more seems like a war going on in men and women, because of the pain.
John: That’s just a war of need. The struggle is one of power. Where there is no need there’s presence without struggle; being in the midst of any kind of pull with your heart still, being completely at ease, not striving in need of something, and not striving in need of keeping something out. You’re to completely be in your sexuality and not use it for your self and not keep it out. For your heart to have no momentum concerning sexuality while you’re being in it.
Q: Where is the delight coming from being with someone else?
John: Is that delight based on what you’re feeling or is that delight based on what you know? If the delight is based on what you’re feeling, then you’ll use your power to chase and control that feeling. If your delight is based on what you know, then you’ll use your power to be in what you know regardless of what you’re feeling.
Q: It’s just difficult to answer this question. It almost seems like there’s a choice then.
John: There is a choice but it doesn’t exist in your mind, and you cannot use your will to make it. The seed of choice exists in your heart, and that choice takes place in your heart either opening or closing. You cannot do this using your will and using your mind. It’s your openness of heart that determines the flow of your will and the flow of your mind, and when your heart tightens that determines the flow of your will and the flow of your mind.
The only real choice that you have is for your whole heart to very gently be, or for your heart in some way through effort to not be, or to try and be.
When your sexuality comes up, are you very gently content to just be in it or do you have need to do something with it? When your sexuality comes up is there a trace of tightening of “I want” or “I don’t want”? Or is there just very gently being in it without any kind of want?
As soon as you have want or need in sexuality then sexuality is only an expression of want or need. It can only be an expression of love if you are free of want or need. That, for you, is an issue of power: letting your power go and just resting in your power or taking hold of your power and using it to have what you think you need. Let your sexuality come up without you having to do anything with it – just completely resting in it and using your power to let go of any need.
When power is released when you would most want to use it, that is when your heart most opens up.
Q: What is there in this moment of sexual union?
John: That depends entirely on where your heart is. That depends entirely on how deeply your whole heart is at one with what you know. The more that your heart is at one with what you know, the more that you can feel fineness instead of feeling what you like. When your feelings are given over to what you like, then within your feelings you lose fineness. The return of fineness in your feelings is only when your heart is immersed in what it knows.
Sexual union is entirely for your being. Sexual union is not for your will being used in the need to feel. That is what separates you from what you are as a being.
Q: Can sexual union be a practice for being?
John: Only if there is a base of being, in which that sexual practice can completely rest. Otherwise the sexual practice may be about being as an idea in your mind, while it is really only about your use of will in needing to feel what you want to feel. Honesty can tell the difference, and dishonesty will turn it all around until it can have just exactly what it wants.
Q: And how is that with having an experience? Besides wanting to have a feeling I can foresee that? But how is that with an experience, where there is a kind of knowing in that?
John: If your experience is cut short or altered and if there is any disappointment at all – even just a trace – then that is how much you’re not in what you know and you’re in what you want. If there’s any hope, hope shows you how much you’re in what you want instead of what you know. When you’re in what you know, there is just the most gentle ease of being, where hope or disappointment doesn’t exist. Ease of being and what you know are the same.
Where there is ease of being, there cannot be disappointment.
Q: Knowing this place of no wants and no expectations, wanting to be there … it’s a little bit tricky how I say it, but is wanting to be there a want or is that an attraction happening, a pull…?
John: There is a pull, but if something separates you from your experience of that pull, are you disappointed? If I were to tell you that in one year you’ll be completely at home, would you be excited? And if I were to tell you in almost one year from now that it will actually be two years instead of one, would you be disappointed?
Q: Disappointment, yeah…
John: Then there’s want and need in the midst of a legitimate and a wonderful pull.
Q: It’s also what makes it so tricky. It seems so tricky because I know this pull home has everything to do with letting go.
John: Real letting go. And not you being tricky in letting go so that you can have what’s real.
Q: It’s almost the want to let go.
John: It is not so tricky: it’s you that’s tricky. It is wonderfully simple. It gets tricky when you get tricky.
You are completely home when the experience of home can be given to you in any form and just as easily taken away, and you remaining in the same wonderful ease of being where there’s no ripple of either hope or disappointment. You are genuinely at home in either experiencing home or losing that experience.
When you’re completely being what you know regardless of your present experience, when you’re being what you know, regardless of what you’re thinking or feeling, then thought and feeling is an expression of being instead of thought and feeling being an expression of want or need.
Quieted In The Power Of Sexuality
Q: I am in this retreat and I’m surrounded by all these beautiful women and I’m wanting, wanting, wanting. Whether I want it to or not, it’s there.
John: You cannot act on it. Just because you want something, that doesn’t mean you have to do something about it. Patterns continue while you are still.
Q: It seems like it’s a narrow space between either acting something out or suppressing it or somehow getting tense inside and being not okay with it. A feeling of conflict inside my self.
John: Letting the effect that women have on you while you are still, within, perfectly crack you open. Your mind vibrates while you don’t. And they are not beautiful women, they’re people.
There is a difference between what you want and what you know. To find what you know concerning being around a lot of women you would have to drop beneath what you want. It’s fine for hormones to move through your body. It’s not fine for hormones to lead you.
Q: Right now I’m feeling a sort of sadness and longing in my heart you know and there’s also this just simple desire to connect and a feeling of sadness at feeling separate.
John: Your sexuality won’t connect you. Even though it can give you the feelings of it, such feelings have no roots. You cannot connect with others unless you’re genuinely connecting with what you know. From within-out instead of without-in. But that requires a settledness of heart or you will only see what is without.
Q: What do you mean by a settledness of heart?
John: Letting your heart be gentled and quieted and stilled.
Q: And if that’s not the way my heart is, then what then?
John: Letting it be. You can with your thinking stir your self up, or you can without your thinking settle. As you let your self be quieted within, then you’ll see not what you think, but what you know.
If you act on your sexuality, then you’d be going by something that you think and that would clearly not be something that you know. There wouldn’t be care of women; there would be use of women. If you were to care for women then you would be very quieted in the midst of your sexuality and not use it. Then your sexuality, instead of acting on them, would act only on you. Something would be happening within your self that is big and to your mind it wouldn’t be making sense why all of that is there. The understanding of it doesn’t come until such a knife moves straight through you.
Sexuality is very coarse energy. It considers nothing other than itself. When you dissolve in the midst of such energy, then so does it. Then there is a very fine capacity to merge without power being out of control. Your relationship with your sexuality is your relationship with power.
Q: My experience is feeling like I lack power in the world.
John: And whatever power you have, you use. Any time that you can get rid of a disadvantage, whatever power you have to do so, you do. Anything in which you can gain an advantage, whatever power you have to do that, you do so. That would be reflected in your sexuality.
Q: In other words, what you’re saying is, I use what I got to get what I can.
John: And that doesn’t go away until you stop. And while you stop, it keeps acting on you. It does follow you in the stopping, but very slowly. While your power is in your hands and you’re not using that power for your self, then you are more deeply realizing your real power. Having it and not needing to use it. That makes you very gentle with power.
Q: I feel like whatever amount of power or sex I have in my life, it’s not enough. You’re talking about having power and not using it. I guess my mind turns that into feeling powerful and not expressing it.
John: You have much power. How often do you get obstinate, or angry, or resentful, or bitter?
Q: Okay, okay, okay. You can stop now. I get it. (Laughter)
John: That is you having power and using it.
Q: Okay, yeah.
John: Having the power to do or be all that and not use it.
Q: Which is different from holding it. I mean, I feel all those things, but mostly they’re struggles within me as opposed to me doing something in the world. So again there isn’t a feeling of power in those things for me.
John: When you feel annoyed, or even just frustrated, that is the feeling of power unmanaged. As soon as you begin to get annoyed, instead of believing what you think, when you let everything be gentled and quieted and stilled within, then you’re actually integrating your power. Coarse power is not real power. Power that is gentled is most powerful. Then it can as equally be very delicate or very strong depending only on what is true. Having nothing to do anymore with anything that you want.
When it is only truth that determines the direction of power, then that power is real. But when power is directed by want or by need, then it’s always out of control.
It’s not suppressing your sexuality, it’s not turning away from it. It’s you letting it be everything that it is without you using it. When you do nothing with it, then you realize how powerful it is. When you do whatever it tells you to do then you’re not realizing its actual power because you’re being moved by it all the time. It is only when you are still that you can see what’s there. When you remain still in the midst of it, then you realize something much more powerful. And that is a power of being. The power that you’re used to is a power of doing, but the doing is based only on what you want.
It’s not about containing or repressing, it’s about being completely still while everything else is moving. Then it is the stillness that sorts out all the movement. The stillness integrates the movement. Then all of the movement is determined, no longer by want or need, but the movement is determined by something that you actually know.
Q: I guess having tasted in love-making where this sort of space of just complete, total relaxation. No more interest in performance or orgasm or any of that stuff. Just complete sense of being merged with another human being. And there’s a tremendous sadness of that not being.
John: As soon as there’s a little difficulty, as soon as the patterns start coming up in a relationship, the first thing that’s affected is the love-making which will then leave your wanting frustrated. It is want that will always make sure that nothing goes well. The harder that want tries, the worse it gets because want is purely coarse.
Q: I feel sad, just sitting with that. Don’t even know why exactly.
John: It’s because you realize that you’ve been going the wrong way. Instead of thinking about that energy that was there, be in it. Enjoy it and let it touch you. Let it do whatever it does without you assessing it or turning it into a need.
Q: The feeling is that it’s missing you know, I tasted something, glimpsed something with her or in her.
John: You can still taste it. As you keep tasting it, it connects the same thing within your self. As long as you’re not needing to have that from without. If you remain in the taste that you had from without, without needing to go outwards, then that takes you within, connects you to the very same within.
Q: Wow, okay. maybe this is my thinking getting in the way, but I don’t think I can do that. I mean somehow it’s a nice idea and ultimately it must come from within me and on and on but…
John: The only reason it touched you was it was already within. You will continue wandering until there is a profound honesty within and a clear readiness to surrender to whatever it is that you actually know, regardless of everything that you think. Then the wandering stops. You begin to know your self. Knowing your self introduces much pain. Without the readiness to surrender, you will always avoid such pain; a readiness to live being true, not to what you think, not to what you feel, not to what you believe is true, but only to what you know is true.
It is only in letting your self be quieted within that such depth begins to open up, giving you something very different from what you thought. That is also the very undoing of the way that you’ve put together your surface existence.
Q: You know I’ve seen so much fall apart I wonder sometimes what’s left, but I’m sure there’s lots left to fall apart.
John: What’s fallen apart in you is only the inexpensive stuff. What is of real value is beneath all of that. Your awareness has to go there. Your awareness cannot even get there unless your awareness is letting go of all of your stuff. It is only when it lets go that it is free to pass through to see what it knows is real. No longer living for comfort but, in the midst of comfort and discomfort, living only for what is true to the core.
Q: It takes a lot of trust.
John: In what you know is true to the core. You have that much trust but you’ve invested it in what you want. It’s letting all of that trust return to where it came from. It all used to exist in only what you know. It is you that has sold out your trust elsewhere. It is that that makes you suffer, while your trust has been sold elsewhere, into many different wants and thoughts, and then you are existing within split: being in search of oneness without and having no oneness within; letting everything that you’ve invested without return within.
It is only honesty to the core that can see through this clearly, and it is only surrender that will ever follow through. Without honesty and surrender to the core, you will always wander.
Sexuality Moving And Magnifying
Q: I’ve been introduced to many movements inside of love. There was a movement of love that was new for me, originating from lower in the body and had more of a sexual feeling to it than any movement before. I identified it as sexual in the informal meeting. I asked you whether there would be any difference in how sexuality moves in a man as compared to a woman, and you told me it needs to become rather like a swell than like the waves on top of the ocean. When a bigger body of water is moving, everything in it moves the same way. This is an incredibly powerful movement, but when you’re in it it’s so immensely gentle. Is there anything more that you could say about what is actually possible when sexuality completely belongs to our being, in a man?
John: It’s the same for a man as it is for a woman.
Q: The effects are the same in the increase in the ability to love and to embrace and to connect, to meet, to commune?
John: Deep within there isn’t a difference. On the surface there is a difference, but in your being there is no gender. As that moves through your gender, it makes your gender like your being. It opens its deeper levels, and its deeper levels move in the same way that your being moves, while surface levels, when they’ve been moved by the conditioning in your self, behave just like your self. As your sexuality moves and you open to its depths, your self also opens to its depths, as does your person, and with your being they all move as one. They all commune together.
Q: It seems like evolution has gone to great lengths to allow for a few people to realize that there’s so much more, and what this deep force is.
John: It’s available to anyone who listens and responds.
Q: When you say it is available to everybody who listens, this makes me realize that you just need a pure heart. That’s all that’s needed to listen in that way, without any filter or boundary, or prejudice, veil, projection. Nothing – just a pure heart.
John: Really listening within and responding makes it pure. When you really listen, within, you know. As soon as you respond, you love. When you’re oriented to your heart and to what you know in your heart, the movement of your sexuality magnifies your listening and your response. It magnifies your becoming your being. Then, everywhere that your sexuality moves in your self, your being comes in.
The fulfillment of your sexuality is your being, right there in your self. The movement of your sexuality then makes your self clean because as your sexuality moves, so does your being, making your self like your being.
Q: You mentioned to bring in the hormones, as well. Does it make any difference what age the body is in?
John: No.
Q: This works at any age. (laughter)
John: It works as long as you’re not dead! (laughter)
Q: That’s good! (laughter) I had incredible clarity of what sexuality is for, and it’s beautiful that it is lifelong and that it can take place at any age. You did say that men are under more pressure, or sexuality causes more pressure in them. Is there anything particular that a man would have to learn?
John: The same as for a woman, only for a man this covers more distance, and that is to really listen, within, and respond. The really listening, because of knowing mattering more than anything, connects anyone’s sexuality back to their heart and to their being.
Q: Is any more needed for this kind of listening except for honesty and the privacy of your own heart?
John: That’s it. Bring your sexuality into what is your first relationship within. It’s between awareness and knowing. Through the listening they become one, and through response this oneness moves as love. Everywhere it moves it unifies by opening what it comes into. As it moves, it opens levels – even the most hardened levels.
Q: How you are teaching and have been talking about for such a long time how, it becomes real now in us, in our bodies. It becomes physical and visible and tangible.
John: We are a changing people.
A Being-Filled Heart Self
Q: Hi. Since I spoke with you in India, it seems it’s easier to access and respond to what I know deep down in my heart, which I love, but at the same time it seems that everything is different. I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s changed, but everything seems different. It’s like all my reference points have gone. Why is that? It’s quite unsettling in a way.
John: When you responded to come deeply into your heart, you opened and you knew much more. You responded to the meaning of that. In that response you shifted your values. Instead of value being in your self, which is what you’ve been accustomed to, you shifted as awareness to the points of value in your heart. The points of value in your heart have to do with your being. The points of value in your self have to do with how you experience your self. When you shifted, when you shifted what matters to you, you disempowered the points in your self and you empowered the points in your heart. You shifted your orientation.
In that, your self doesn’t function the same way. You experience the lack that is in your self for what it is. You won’t have the same emotional charge about the lack in your self. When you’re at home in your heart, you see your self for what it is. You see it as it is, and it won’t have the same use to you that it had before. The increase of meaning and value in your heart is going to be the decrease of meaning and value in your self. In your self that will feel strange, while in your heart you’re home.
The real value of your self is for you to be in your heart in the midst of your self. Your self becomes as you are in your heart. Before, you lived within an inflated self. You shifted and that gave you a filled heart, with your self no longer being inflated. The spin, the emotional spin that you were putting into your self and on your self has decreased and with that there is less color in your self, while in your heart there is a real increase and filling of nurture. That makes your heart more appealing and your self less appealing. Continue in this and your self will become just like your heart.
The way that you were in your self before, you performed for others, which makes your heart empty. When you are being in your heart, your heart opens to your own beingness. Your heart fills with what is of your own being. In the nurture of that, you have no need to adorn your self, to adorn your self with emotion and personality performance. In that way, your self in being unadorned is at rest. You’re not exploiting your self. You’re not in your self for any kind of effect. You are being in your self in the same way that you are being in your heart.
Q: Will fear naturally dissolve?
John: When you have fear, that is the part of you as awareness that still has an investment in your self. When you have an investment in your self, you fear the loss of that investment. When you have fear, there is a deposit of power in your self; you have a power investment in your self.
Shift that power to your heart. Empower what you know the truth of in your heart. When you are in your heart and believing what you know in your heart, you can’t relate to fear. You don’t relate to fear. When you are in your heart, you love. When you have fear, you still have misplaced belief in your self. Your fear is your belief in your self.
Your belief in your self belongs not in your self; it belongs to what you know in your heart. When you fear, that tells you that there is more heart available to you; more heart that you’re not being in. In your self, because your self is not yet like your own being, you relate to gain and loss, but in your heart you relate to your own being. You relate to the beingness that is of your own being.
Q: Empowering what I know in my heart…does that just occur through believing and acting on that?
John: What belongs in your heart is anything that is of your being. Take to heart anything that is just like your own being. Your self is not like your own being. Your self doesn’t belong in your heart. If you take your self to heart, you make your own heart not like your own being.
Sweep your self out of your heart by taking to heart your own delicate beingness. As your heart fills with your own beingness instead of filling with your self, your heart is just like your own being. Then be your being-filled heart in the midst of every aspect of your self. In that way, you will be developing a being-filled-heart self.
That will make your self not like how you have known it before. The reference points in your self won’t come from your self. The reference points in your self will be replaced by what you know in your heart. That replacement takes place as you are being what you know in your heart in your self.
Your relationship to others will change. You won’t relate to their selves anymore because you’re not relating to yours. When you live relating to what you know in your heart, you’ll be relating also to that in others. Despite what kind of self they have, you will see what is deeper in their heart. If it’s all covered up, you still see it and that’s what you’ll be relating to in them. Instead of empathizing with their experience, your empathy connects with the goodness in them.
That empathy reaches into their self without it being for their self. It’s the kind of empathy that draws them into their heart. It is an empathy that connects them to meaning. Some will love you for that; others will react against you.
Your treatment of others won’t be determined by your self or theirs. You are free of both, and you love. You won’t fit in this world anymore, but you will fit in the goodness that is in everyone.
You’ll have a deeper self and a higher self and your accustomed self will wither away because you don’t give it your belief and your power anymore. Your deeper self and your higher self will close the gap. Your function in this world will be deeper and higher than what this world is. It will no longer be the same as what this world is.
Q: Thank you.
To listen to this meeting click Audio Download 227 – The Unadorned Self at Rest or see all the John de Ruiter Audio Downloads.
A Stellar Opportunity
Grandfather: Hello, John. I’m glad to sit here again together with you and beside my grandson, and it is a special feeling. I see that I am at the end of my life and on one hand there is a tender, deep-going sadness, and on the other side there is this feeling that death could come when it will and I can go. When I am in this consciousness, there is no age. I could be three years old, twenty years old, eighty years old, and there is only this being.
Grandson: Lately I’ve thought a lot about letting go of this rope of control. Do I need a knife to cut it or do I need a sword? Or just let go of it? After a while I just grab on again.
John: Give your heart to what you know-within isn’t the rope. You know there’s more. Believe what you’re knowing.
Grandson: Do I need to prepare for the fall?
John: There is no fall just as there is no rope. The rope is real to you because your life is in your self. Your self is just one level of yours. The most important levels of your self are those that are deeper than comfort and familiarity.
Grandson: So when I let go of the rope, I’m in the other levels?
John: Believing the truth within has nothing to do with the rope, nothing to do with the level of your self. Your heart will belong to what seems so little, but what you know is worth the most. You don’t yet have a self that consists of everything deeper. Your self so far is oriented around comfort and discomfort, satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Your self has been trained by your experience on the surface. In your self you’re held to the surface of life even though you belong to the deeper of life. What takes you into the deeper is you believing what you’re most deeply knowing. You don’t belong to your experience of your self and your life; you belong to your deepest knowing.
Grandson: Why?
John: Your self is a result; your self is the result of you coming from everything that precedes it. You need to live by the levels preceding and producing your self. That trains your self according to what you are. The rope exists because you have have given it your heart. Realize your deeper levels by giving your heart to what you know is deeper. When your heart is given to what you are knowing the truth of, then what you really are becomes real. It comes into your experience and it comes into your self. And what you really are will change your self. Your self will match the deeper instead of your capacity as awareness being blinded by the habit of your self.
You’ve been swept away in your self and right now you are pausing. You are in your heart, examining something so unlike what has swept you away. If you respond to what you’re seeing, the course of your self and your life will be different.
Grandson: I’m pretty sure about that.
John: In your heart you’re able to make the shift. You’re able to accomplish a fundamental change in what you belong to. Until now, you have lived satisfying your self. Now in your heart you are coming into real knowledge. You’re awakening to the reality that, instead of living to satisfy your self, you are able to satisfy what you are knowing in your heart.
When you come to the end of your life, everything that you have gained for your self will pass away. You will strongly experience what you are knowing now. If you build your self and your life from what you are knowing now, it will all be different, and at the end of your life, what you built will remain. If you build on what precedes this life you are securing meaning. What you then develop in this life cycle survives the cycle.
Grandson: In my soul?
John: Are you knowing something in what you’re hearing? What you know in this is what deserves all of your self and your life. On that foundation, you are truly building. Nothing can take that away from you, not even death. What comes with this life, for you, is a stellar opportunity to realize what you are, to be what you first are, and to bring all of it into manifestation. Don’t confine a stellar opportunity to the little world that you have experienced as your self so far…
…It’s lovely to see the two of you together.
Grandson: It’s a gift that I can sit here with my grandfather.
Grandfather: Thank you very much.
A Poetic Fragment: Pregnant With A Deeper Level
Q: For me to have the new code of a relaxed awareness, I need to encompass more.
John: Then love not from yesterday.
Q: What I’m looking for, would that be by awareness alone, without the use of my mind?
John: What you’re looking for is awareness moving by a different body, a body of yours that’s deeper than the one you’re used to. The movement of that body isn’t confined to the body you’re used to.
Q: I shared with you a dream I had of being pregnant. I know the quality of that body in experiencing it in the pregnancy of that dream. Since that dream I’m in-filled by the beauty of that body.
John: In your dream, you wanted so badly to deliver. Instead of being pregnant, you wanted to deliver. You deliver by moving as what you are pregnant with. Move by a different body, a deeper body of yours. That’s what you’re pregnant with. You’re pregnant with the knowledge, the direct knowledge of a deeper level, a deeper level of you, and also with the substance of that level.
Q: A few days after we talked about that dream, I had one more dream in which I experienced that kind of movement. The moment I use that body, I have it.
John: As you use it, your past no longer confines you. Your body and your self don’t limit you. This deeper body moves by different laws.
Quietly Visionary
Q: I have insomnia now for four years, and I was wondering if there’s anything that I can do in my daily life to positively contribute to falling asleep, instead of me relating to tension and stress, to see that there’s an opportunity to open. We’re living in such a crazy world and the only way for me to relate to it is to relate to what I know in me. What can I do to step up? Instead of me being able to relate to difficulty as an opportunity for me to open, there are moments that I would like to walk away. I sometimes wonder if it’s necessary to know questions like ‘why are things happening?’ If words could tie all this together for me to move forward, I would love to hear them.
John: Make your life more about what you see than what you understand, while you are more about what you know than what you see. You see because you know; you understand because you see.
When you, in your life, are quietly visionary, you’ll be coming from a deeper self, instead of your usual self, your accustomed self. Your deeper self matters more than the self you’re accustomed to. If you’re coming from your deeper self as you live, your accustomed self will be changing. You won’t be relying on your accustomed self. Your accustomed self is guided by your deeper self, while you within your deeper self are moved by what you know. Your day isn’t dependent on what you’re experiencing. Your day hinges directly on your deeper self, because your deeper self plugs into you, knowing.
Q: This quietly visionary would that be for me in daily life to contain what I first think as being overwhelming?
John: Instead of being overwhelmed, you see. If you’re overwhelmed, you’re dependent on what you’re experiencing and you’re dependent on what you understand, but you see so much more than what you understand. See, instead of being overwhelmed.
Your day is all about the more that you see, not what you understand. Your feet are in what you know, while your hands are occupied with what you see. In the accustomed self, when you lose sight of your deeper self, your hands will be full of want and need. When you’re coming from your deeper self in your day, your hands are working with what you see. Your walk is in what you know. Your work is in what you see. Your work is because of your walk. Your work isn’t about what others see you do. Your work is all about what you know you do.
When your day is from your deeper self, you comprehend the times as being good. Goodness has no opposite. It’s authentic life. In whatever comes your way in your day, it’s goodness you know. While you, beneath it all, are timeless.
Love seeing because you know. Seeing is the richness of knowing. And love understanding because you see; understanding is the richness of your seeing. Because of that direction, within, there’s richness of manifestation. While your direction is within, you produce outwardly.
You receive because you’re open. In being open, you’re attuned to goodness. In all that life brings you, you know and you see goodness. Your accustomed self meets and turns into your heart, while your deeper self produces what is in your heart. Your accustomed self melts into your heart, while your deeper self melts into others.