How Can I Be Of Real Support?

WHEN: November 19, 2016 Evening Open Mic

Q: I’ve recently welcomed into my home a family member who is an addict. Normally I’m a fairly balanced person, but now there’s uncertainty about how to manage everything and support her. I feel both resentment and great love. I’m struggling with how to be balanced in my heart amongst all the different responsibilities and give support, without really knowing how. Can you help?

John: Any past investments that you’ve had in hardening or in closing, any excuses that you have for ill-feeling or resentment you don’t need for you to be in your heart toward the other. When you enjoy and then love that you have no real reason for resentment, that leaves you unconditionally in your heart. So your first relationship with your family member is not by doing anything for her. Your first relationship and your deeper relationship is what you are in your heart toward the other. In the midst of anything that you’ve taken to heart of what the other has been, not been, or done to you, you unconditionally open and soften.

Without that, your past, because of how you relate to it, corrupts what you do for the other. Something of that story is present in your self always influencing, even when you don’t feel it. It’s what you’re being toward the other, and then with the other, that determines all of the greater value of what you do for the other. Without that, in your doing, you fool your self. Then you’ll do something to compensate for a lack in your self, concerning the other. In a really coarse kind of way that could appear as doing something good on the surface for the other because you have a sense of guilt for holding resentment, so instead of releasing the resentment, instead of fundamentally opening and softening, you’ll do good. When that’s there, the doing of the good is other than genuine.

When your real relationship from within your heart toward the other is simply clean, whatever you do will easily also be clean. Concerning the other, once you’ve released something of what you’ve taken to heart of any kind of ill-treatment, or anything where you’ve taken your self to heart – when that’s just simply released, then your relationship with the other from within you is clean and clear. Your movement toward the other on a heart level is no longer conditioned by something in your self or something in the other, so your love is unfettered. It’s unconditioned.

Then, when you bring the other into your household to help them, have really kind conditions so their presence there is conditional, while your deeper relationship towards the other is unconditional. You being both the unconditional and the conditional – but they’re on different levels – will bring up everything in your self that you’ve avoided and haven’t dealt with.

Q: Thank you.

 

 

Other Popular Talks

Making Ready For Ultimate Truth

Q: I am ready for the ultimate truth.

John: What makes you ready is you being gentled and quieted in your heart, unconditionally, in every relationship you have with everything, everyone, and your self – all of that at any personal expense. It readies you for what is ultimate because it clears you of everything that isn’t ultimate. That level of deep inner quietude, in the midst of anything, cleans you of your beliefs, your core beliefs. It cleans you of your subconsciousness.

Q: For a character like me that sounds very challenging...

Read More »

A Deeper Level Of Parenting: Awakening Your Child’s Interior

Q: I have a question about my eleven-year-old son. He has some difficulties in school. It seems that regular school is not right for him and I’m looking at others. How do you see the importance of the school years? Am I doing more than I should, or not enough?

John: The deeper the level of your parenting, the less it makes any difference what school your child goes to.

Q: But he is only there for half a day and he suffers there!..

Read More »

What’s The Right Job For Me?

Q: My question is about a job. I don’t know what kind of job is right for me and I’m always wondering what it is I want for my life: where to go, what I need.

John: The deeper levels of you are not able to even relate to a job. The deeper levels of you do not need a job.

Q: They need money!

John: The deeper levels of you do not need any money. The deeper levels of you don’t need shelter, don’t need food, don’t need water, don’t even need physical life...

Read More »