Bringing New, Deeper Love Into Your Marriage

Quote: Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one.

Q: I’ve been in love with my husband for many years and we have two children. For a few months I’ve been in a deep connection and love with another man, and this love feels so deep, peaceful, and easy. I’m seeing how my ability to be in love depends on the qualities in another and wonder if I’m evolved enough to be with someone who’s closed and distant. It’s a pain-filled situation for us all.

John: Use what comes up in you toward another man than your husband to inspire what you’re able to find in you toward your husband. What another man finds in you, you bring to your husband. Don’t learn how to do that in your next relationship.

When you come to what seems like a wall in your relationship, instead of giving up, dig; dig and find him. Bring to him what you’re looking for from him. Turn into everything that you’re looking for and, in that, go the distance. Instead of being met by another man, be met by what comes up in you, seemingly because of another man.

Q: Yeah, I understand now.

John: Expire every resource you have to uncover what you’re looking for from your husband. Find it without you waiting for him to bring it to you.

Leave your familiarity that you have with your husband aside, so instead of coming from what you’re used to in your self when you’re with him, leave your self aside and be open to see him despite his self. Then, as you begin to see, give of your self to what you see of him. That’s like you developing a new garden toward him. He doesn’t need to see it. Your reach eventually makes its way. Believe the part of him that wants to see instead of believing the part of him that doesn’t. Love making it easy for him to say “yes” to you, and you’ll find him.

Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one. Pour into your husband. The two of you have picked the tree of all of its fruit and you haven’t grown anything new. That’s not the fault of the relationship. It’s a cycle in a relationship. When you realize the cycle, then you begin to grow new fruit. It costs much more than coming into a new relationship where there appears to be so much ready fruit.

Q: That’s a lovely picture.

John: Love gardening in your relationship. You evolve in the midst of your relationship as it is. If you don’t know where to begin, begin with feeling sorry for him. As soon as you feel it, then don’t stay there. Go one level of feeling deeper, so as soon as you feel sorry for him, feel for him, and as soon as you really have that, go a level deeper of feeling; instead of feeling for him, feel him, and there you’ve found him again. As soon as you have reached feeling him, move your heart to him. Move your vulnerability unceasingly; stay with it regardless of what he’s like. Believe the part in him that wants to be reached. Don’t give up on that part just because of the other parts that show.

Falling in love with another man – that’s good. It shows you what’s inside of you. Take all of that to your husband. Instead of feeling guilty about it, let it move you and inspire you.

Start a whole new garden toward your husband until he gets it.

Q: Thank you so much.

How To Connect With Your Autistic Child

Q: One of the happiest people I know is my eight-year-old grandson, who is autistic. He is so creative in what he does, but he often plays entirely on his own. I’m wondering if autism is a defense against the world? It occurred when he was about two years old. I wonder if he’s operating at a higher spiritual level than most of us, or is it a lower level?

John: Higher, but not higher in a way that works or is conducive to this world. The form of it is its own restriction. He’s then, as awareness, free within himself to go high but he’s restricted in his outermost form. He’s restricted as a person to go high.

As awareness, he’ll be restricted to a particular style of opening, softening and moving in the way that his being is like, and that style will most not work in his person. Because it doesn’t work in his person he’ll naturally, through habit, refrain from his person, making him more and more difficult for others to find.

Being with him is still really easy as long as you are okay with opening and softening in a way that is particular to his style – his stylized movement of opening and softening. Within that, being together with him is easy. Step outside of that, and the two of you can’t be together.

The way to lead him out of that is for you to be with him completely on his terms, and then be more than what he is, still on his terms. That draws him out beyond what he’s accustomed to, but still allows for precisely the same beingness: the same beingness with different form. He’ll experience discomfort in that in the same way that anyone who moves past themselves experiences discomfort.

Q: Is what you say particular to this condition or is it the same for all people with different mental abilities, like Down’s syndrome – or can we not generalize? People often say these children are so happy in a different way, but I often wonder what that means.

John: He’ll be happy until you frustrate his experience. If he’s responding to what he knows, which enables him to move in the way that his own being is, then he can be taken past what he’s used to in himself which won’t feel good but he knows is good. It is good because it’s not only purely him, but there’s real form to it and it will be a stretch for himself

How Can I Realize My Vision Of A New Economy?

Q: I have a vision of a new economy. How can I bring it into reality?

John: What is your vision of a changed economy?

Q: It’s to do with fairness in wealth and ecology, not just working for money and profit. It’s about people working together for a higher aim, introducing a new quality of working together.

John: You can change your relationship with the economy, how you move and how your company moves with the economy.

Q: That means introducing new methods of working together, partners staying in connection in the vision and not concentrating only on the outer economy.

John: That will change your part and it will change any one else’s part who works with you, but to change the economy involves much more than that.  

You need to estimate what power you have, or you won’t have the means to carry out the vision. You might not have the power to carry out the vision. The greater the vision, the more levels of power you need because you’ll be going against the norm of how this world functions. To do that, you would need to understand your power and what levels of power you have.

Q: It’s the very beginning – a seed in the ground. I will not get the fruit of the seeds I will plant, but maybe the seeds will come up from the earth and others will work with them.  

John: If you’re not sure of all of the levels that are required to carry out the vision as you move forward with your vision, the vision will spend you; it will use you up and you won’t fulfill the vision.

The bigger the vision, the more levels you need, within. If your vision is to plant a seed, it won’t require much, but planting a seed isn’t going to change the economy.  You can have a great vision, but then you also need accessible to you great power and levels. The vision needs to suit what’s available to you.

Realize all of the levels available to you, but not in view of your vision. If you hold the vision in view, you might be overlooking some of your levels. If you open into all of the levels available to you – levels of you – you also might not have that vision anymore. As you open up into all of the levels available to you, that will change your seeing and consequently your thinking and your feeling.  

Instead of being loyal to the vision, be loyal to all of the levels available to you. In that you are cleanly opening and wherever that may take you, you’ll see.


Becoming Free Of Judgment

Q: How can I release myself from the judgment of my self and others?

John: For one month, live your life without having any personal opinions. Your judgments come from your opinions. For one month have no opinions about your self, no opinions about others, and during that month live in openness where opinions used to be. Live for one month without any personal opinions and you’ll see how much room there is, within, for you to breathe.  

Q: So for one month, no speaking or thinking about personal opinions?

John: Yes. When you’re full of personal opinions you’ll be full of self-importance.  When you don’t live with those personal opinions what you’ll have is self love.

Q: So when I take the opinions away I make space for love?

John: Yes. When you, awareness, relax, you love. You don’t need your personal opinions for you to be in your heart and for you to be what you really are. But you do need your personal opinions for you to be separate from your heart. Your use of personal opinion is out of control so, in that way, your opinions control you. Do without them completely for a whole month, and then after that, very carefully, reintroduce the place for opinion but don’t take them in quickly, because they’ll take over again. There is a little bit of value in opinion, but it needs to be held very lightly, and used like salt: not too much.

Go on an opinion fast and then reintroduce your opinions, but only about two or three percent of them, so you’ll be choosing carefully and very lightly which ones to use. That will change your whole tone in your use of opinions. You’ll have a lovely use of opinion that touches others.

Q: What can I do if I see myself having an opinion? How can I choose to not have it?

John: Can I give you a little practice? Every time during that month that you slip into an opinion, right there – regardless of whom you’re with – drop to the floor and do just one push-up! And if the other person is a little bit baffled with your performance, then just sweetly explain to them what you’re doing.  What all of that means is that you are taking goodness, within, to heart.

The Great Opportunity Of Your Life On The Earth Plane

Quote: As great as the distractions are in having a body, so great are your opportunities.

Q: I was wondering if you could tell us what happens to us when this body leaves this earth plane?

John: What are you being on this earth plane?

Q: Are you asking me a question?

John: What matters most is: what are you being on this earth plane?

Q: But I can’t help but be curious about what happens when we leave this earth plane. Couldn’t you give us a glimpse of what could happen?

John: Are you not dealing with, today, what you were being yesterday? The two are intimately connected. In the same way, what happens to you after your body dies is intimately connected to what you are being while your body is alive. It is very similar to yesterday and today. Some very significant changes, yet so very similar because it is you who continues. The circumstance is different, while you remain the same.

When you cease having a body, you’ll no longer have the same patterns surrounding you. That may seem to be a relief, but what passes with the patterns is also the most astonishing and profound opportunity. The greatest opportunity for transformation is not without your body but within your body. The difficulty is within your body. What equals the difficulty is the opportunity, the opportunity for you to experience what you are and to really integrate what it is that you actually are. While you are in a body everything that you are presently being quickly turns into form, giving you immediate feedback – the opportunity to learn so quickly.

Q: How should we think about the information we hear from people who’ve channeled stories, or died and come back? They’re interesting but I don’t know what truth there is in them. Can they benefit us?

John: What do these stories touch in you?

Q: There’s usually excitement about the wonderful worlds ahead of us, which makes me feel okay about leaving this earth and this body.

I also want to ask a question about dreaming. I think I’ve left my past behind me: jobs I’ve had, places I’ve lived and people I’ve been associated with, but I’m still dreaming about them even though there is no current connection and I don’t think about them. What are these dreams all about?

John: It is not actually your past. It is more like a removed part of your present. As you profoundly open within, then so does your past within the present. To you it is your past, only because of how you receive information through your mind. As awareness opens, so does time. Time is within you, as your being. As you are being within what you really are, then so does time open as it really is, then time is less about an experience. It is less experience-oriented and more knowing-oriented.

As you are being knowing there is less and less of a difference between your past, your present and your future. When you are being knowing versus being thinking, then your mind opens and the way that you perceive time completely changes. As you integrate what you really are, the deep in you, then time is no longer something that is separate from you – separate from you, as in your separate past and your separate future. When knowing infuses now, then the way that you separate the past from now and the future from now, that separation passes away.

Q: Thanks John. That’s really good to know.

John: How will it change you? If it doesn’t change you then it has little value. Where there is real value there is always profound change. Where there is real value, your evolution within is less solid and more liquid. It moves with thought. Where there is real value then, with thought, there is immediate change. If you are not changing while you are thinking, if your thinking is not always causing change, then your core values within are questionable. Value is to be so full of profound knowing that to think within such real value causes real and profound change: you truly evolving within, as you think.

The human potential is not as you experience it to be. It is as you most deeply down within know it to be, which is very different from your experience. Your experience doesn’t change. Your human experience doesn’t change. Its potential doesn’t actually, really open until you, as awareness, open within your knowing. For the human experience, when this is first touched within, when the knowing of it is first touched, the usual human experience of that is fear, because the level of perception opens up to match the level of knowing. It is easy to fear being so much. It is more comfortable to be wrapped up tightly within one’s own patterns.

There is so much more, but in embracing within and being embraced within by what is so much more, by what is really, fully you, that brings about so much real and profound change. When you are being knowing, for even just a moment, you can never be the same again because then you really know. With that comes an equal measure of responsibility. The more that you know, the more accountable you are. Within the human experience such a truth makes it easy to seriously draw back within from knowing, focusing one’s awareness, then, on experiences: on thinking and feeling, being something that is so coarse, forgetting that what it is that’s to move through thinking and feeling is so fine, so full of everything that is real.

Knowing is more real than thinking and feeling. When there is little knowing in the midst of thinking and feeling, the result of that is that you are profoundly dissatisfied. That is your knowing that what you are being is less than completely real. Such profound dissatisfaction or dullness within has you knowing within that there is more, and that profound more exceeds anything that you have experienced so far. It is that much more. That means that everything that you have experienced as a human consciousness so far is just the tiniest little touch of your actual potential – something that you can know now, and walk into now, or find out after your body has died. But when you find out the latter way, you cannot return and retrieve your lost opportunity. Your opportunity then will be different, as this opportunity is past.

As great as the distractions are in having a body, so great are your opportunities. Relate to what you know within instead of relating to what you think within. That frees your thinking within. Your thinking opens when you do, then your past begins to pierce you, as does your future begin to pierce you, because you are being pierced by knowing instead of being impenetrable by even your own thinking, having thinking within that doesn’t make a profound difference.

The underside of every experience is knowing, but when you are being the value of knowing, then the value that you have given to what it is that you experience diminishes. The experience of that is that you will seem to be losing everything that you thought that was worth the most, but within the perception of such loss there is such a profound knowing that that is not where the real value is. Then your experiences begin to be formed not by wanting, not by need within, but your experiences are then formed from knowing: something that doesn’t pass away, being something that will not die. The more that you are being and embodying that, the less of a transition there is when your body dies.

Q: Is there such a thing as reincarnation?

John: Not in this life.

Q: What do you mean?

John: What exists as being true has nothing to do with what you may or may not think is true. What exists as being true has only to do with what you actually know is true. When you are being knowing, that profoundly changes all of your thinking. Then what you did think is gone. Don’t believe anything that you don’t actually, to the core, know is true. Don’t believe anything just because it can seem to fit. When you believe in something that you do not actually, really know is true, then you are just creating a reality of truth that exists only in your imagination. Then what you have is an imaginary truth: one that is of perception and has no knowing.

Navigate in what is real, not by way of thinking but by way of knowing. Thinking will still arise but then it will be real thinking – the kind of thinking that matches your knowing, thinking that is no longer separate from knowing. It doesn’t matter what you think, what matters is what do you actually know is true, within what you think? The kind of thinking that suits something other than knowing creates a reality within that doesn’t actually even exist. Whatever it is that is not full of knowing is yet still an illusion. When you are being knowing there is no illusion. Even the idea of reincarnation is an illusion because it has you thinking in a manner that is not full of knowing. It has you being an idea. Such ideas are the nearest distractions from being knowing.

Q: John, we watch you on video, we hear you on audio, we read your written material. Could you explain how you work with us when we’re in your presence?

John: By being something other than what you think, which is something that you know is true. When what I am being connects with what you are knowing, there is a profound effect. You begin to remember knowing. You begin to know something within that is of such greater – and real – value than what you were before thinking. I am a greater influence, without, to what was always there within you.

The presence of a tree invigorates knowing within an acorn. With such a pull within, an acorn will then either seek to protect its present identity – seeking to remain what it is – or it lets itself respond to what is knowing within, which will forever change it.

Humanness: Your Real Connectivity to Everything

Quote: The evidence of your humanness present in your self is nurture and the connective substance of love.

Q: I only discovered you and this gathering a few days ago. I’m enjoying the people, the space and your presence. I feel that since childhood I’ve looked for the truth and there’s a deep longing to melt into the infinite. This calling and longing is a mixture of pain and sweetness. I’m not home but I don’t quit … perhaps the pain wouldn’t stop even if I reached home.

John: It would.

Q: Your language is new to me and I’m curious. What’s the difference between awakening and home?

John: When you awaken, it means that you can see into your being. When you awaken, you awaken to what you know from within your being – you’re awakening to your being. It gives you a level of knowledge and seeing that wasn’t available in your self. When you awaken, that means now you know and see the deeper truth, the underlying truth of existence.

Awakening is real but it doesn’t stay real. The truth that you awaken to is real in the moment of awakening. In that moment you are being what you are newly knowing. Within your awakening you’re given to what you’re awakening to. You’re taken by what you’re awakening to. There isn’t a difference between you and where you are newly knowing and seeing. But if you don’t live your awakening that direct knowledge that comes from your awakening turns into information, and in holding that information without living the awakening you will fool your self. You’ll think and believe that you have something. You have this information that originates in direct experience, but the information and your memory of your awakening isn’t the same as what you are as you awaken. You can come to know the truth but that doesn’t mean that you’ll live being what you know. If you don’t live it, you’ll turn your awakening into an informational, useful category in your self. You’ll use your awakening for your self. That makes you, in your self, worse off than if you wouldn’t have awakened.

The moment you awaken you’re home because you are being your awakening. You are being awareness being what it knows. Being it means there isn’t a difference between awareness and knowledge: the two are one. That’s home. If you don’t live your awakening, then as awareness you, in some way, separate from direct knowledge and from within your self you’ll hold to the information that you perceive from within your mind of your awakening, thinking and believing that you really have something. You have the information and you have the memory of awakening but if you’re not being it then you are not your awakening. It doesn’t matter how little or how much you know. What matters is how much you are being what you know. Being home means you, awareness, and direct knowledge are one. It’s one presence. It’s one you. The beingness of the two being one is love.

If all you know is your heart, openness and softness of heart and your humanness, but you are completely given to it, being all you know in that, you are way better off than becoming enlightened and living the much you know and see, almost completely.

Q: The concept of enlightenment has never pulled me, but what resonates a lot is a way to experience my self on this planet, in this realm: to travel as much as I can, love as much as I can, do whatever is possible in this form and then go into other dimensions I feel exist. It’s a longing to depart from this planet. I have an incredible interest in cosmology and suspect it’s a projection of an infinite dimension that’s inside me.

John: Yes. When you look out into the stars, what reaches you in that, like nothing else in your life reaches you, is that you know. What touches you in looking out into the stars is that it brings up the resonance in you that you are inter-dimensional. You are way beyond anything captured in a life. When you look out into the stars you have subtle knowledge of what you’re here for. It isn’t for you to leave this planet. It’s for you to no longer be housed in your self, living experiencing your self. As long as you live experiencing your self, you will be kept to what is like the tip of the iceberg. You’ll be confined to about four per cent of you. The rest you have resonance of but no access to. When you look out into the stars you are touched by what isn’t coming into your life: all of the much, much more of you that is not yet present in your self.

Q: I find, often spontaneously, the capacity to feel. I can feel the space of this room as  I can feel a human being. I can feel the dimension of this ashram and Rishikesh. Sometimes as I glimpse, something opens and I shrink because it’s so immense. There’s a deep longing to feel this existence, to feel this universe, to feel the stars far away, to feel there’s a solar system. I found myself fascinated by all of this and the capacity to feel.

John: All of that is your humanness. When you have an unusual opening it’s from within your humanness that you have an unprecedented seeing, and it takes you immediately into absorption, and from within your self you cut it off because it promises to end the relationship you have with your self. So you live life straddling being in your humanness while also being your self. In that same way, you’ll be hobbling in your humanness instead of thriving in your humanness. When you thrive in your humanness – your real connectivity to everything – your humanness takes your self completely. It will overtake all of the ground of your self.

The pain in your self, here and there as you live, is what you keep for your self in your self. Given to your humanness there isn’t pain. There is the connectivity of nurture and the connectivity of the substance of love. There isn’t pain in nurture and in the substance of love. The pain is based on an illusory sense perception. The pain represents core beliefs that subconsciously operate your self. What is satisfying on a mental, emotional level in pain is that pain gives you an experience of your self so if you feel slightly ungrounded in your self, pain gives you ground. It grounds you. Without the pain you’re nobody. Pain secures an illusory sense of individuality, while your humanness puts you into streams and levels of the sameness with others and with everything.

Your humanness doesn’t appeal to a sense of individuality. There is the truth of individuality but it is only perhaps .001% of your experience of it. The rest is illusory. Real individuality is what enables you, awareness, to consciously move being the same, being sameness with everything that is real. Real individuality is what enables you, awareness, within every level of form, to be one.

Pain is the feeling of a lived-in story, a lived-in narrative. What pain is useful for, if you are really listening within, is to show you that your way in your self isn’t real. You being what isn’t real is painful. The pain is good. It’s telling you something, but as you follow through in the story of pain then you can’t see its usefulness anymore. The pain is really there to help you see. Turn it into a greater story and your pain will help you to not see. There, you are doubly blind. Pain tells you that you’re blind. Re-construct the pain to serve your self and your pain feeds into a self-importance. The pain re-constructs your separation. It gives form to separation and the pain, from there, becomes physical. Through your belief and use you feed it into your nervous system, so even when you are relaxed your nervous system will push you into the stories that created your pain. That makes your own nervous system, in your life, in some way like story-land. Where you are not in your humanness you experience what you perceive to be reality through story-land. Story-land is a hopeless blindness.

It’s only from within your humanness that you see. It’s from within your humanness that you can know everything deeper within that only you, awareness, from within your humanness, are able to see. It’s your humanness that gives you perspective in your life, that tells you the goodness of your self. Your pain tells you that your humanness isn’t enough.

Q: I can relate with what you say about the softness and calmness of the heart. I can sense a struggle in meditation. It helps me when I feel love in what I’m doing. My being seems to float and I have more space. Would you speak more about this?

John: Instead of meditating live what you’ve already realized through meditation. If you don’t live it all in your life, you’ll replace the living of it with meditating. Meditation is a form that helps you realize. It helps you realize what is all there, that, as you are gentled within deeper than your self, you know and you see again. Meditation is like a crutch. If you have a leg that is hurt and isn’t functioning properly a crutch is useful, but as soon as you come into what the crutch helps you with, as soon as you start to heal, you need to not keep the crutch. You need to live what is healing you or in some way you become crisis-oriented: pressure builds and you relieve the pressure by meditating. Something in your life distorts and then you un-distort in meditating, instead of relaxing and undistorting because of meditating, and then living that. From there it is your new seeing from which you think and feel, from which you have a lived-in perspective. Living it makes your mind new. What you come into in meditating offers you newness, but if you don’t live the newness that you come into, you’ll turn the truth within into a category: a room of truth in your self that serves your self. Having that room in your self gives you a sense of deeper safety in your self. Any time you find some lack in your self you can just, right there, anchor into this room of truth in your self. That makes the truth within self-serving. The evidence of that, in your self, is pain. The evidence of your humanness present in your self is nurture and the connective substance of love.

Q: I have a personal question that has to with my relationship with my girlfriend. For years I’ve felt that the relationship is at an end. It doesn’t nourish me, somehow, and it’s breaking my heart to bring it to an end. She is a friend and someone I care for and it feels as if I will be confronting a level of pain in us both that feels impossible to digest.

John: Instead of ending your relationship, end your relationship with pain and you’ll see her differently. Being at the end of a relationship is a really good place to start seeing instead of opening into a newness of seeing in your next relationship. What starved your relationship of its meaning, slowly bringing the relationship to a close, is the same source as the source of your pain: you living in your self moving, in some way, by forms of illusion.

Q: How can I end this illusion, John?

John: Love seeing through your humanness. Love seeing from your heart instead of seeing from what you think and what you feel, which will easily be through forms of illusion. As you trust what you think and feel, what you’re most easily living by are your beliefs instead of the openness and softness of heart – the opening of your humanness. To address your relationship you can tell her that you’re starting to see and, in beginning to see, you really see how blind you are. Being open to see your blindness disempowers your beliefs. When you’re open to see your blindness you begin to really know, within, what you do really see. You begin to know within your seeing. The knowing within your seeing matters more to you than seeing.

You’re not in the wrong relationship. You’re functioning from the inside out incorrectly. Love seeing regardless of what you see. Pain in your self tells you where you don’t want to see. Nurture within your self, because of your openness and softness, shows you where you like to see.

Q: Thank you.


Young People (ages 4 – 14) Speak With John …

Quote: You are alive to give space in your heart for the tiniest little sparkle of love to get a little bit bigger.

Q1: What happens when we die?

John: When you die, every moment in your life where you’ve known a touch of magicalness within that you’ve not understood – that made no sense to you from anything outside of your self, but the touch of it was magical and completely nurturing – all of those touches come together and you’ll be all of those touches, all put together … and way, way more of the same. Everything else is gone, which also means that there’s nothing of greater value in you and in your life than what you know within any of those moments. It’s worth holding those moments – the magicalness of them – and how much that moment is really you. It’s worth holding that in your heart, and letting it roll around in your heart while you live.

In that way, you’re already beginning to turn into what you’ll be after you’ve died.

Q2: I often don’t know how to interact and be with people in a real way. Can you help?

John: The simplest is by you sweetly not knowing how, while you’re with people. That lets what is real in you come up and have presence in your face. There, you may not have understanding. You may not have ability. You will have real presence.

Q3: Why are we alive?

John: You are alive for you to be what is most delicately alive in you. You are alive to give space in your heart for the tiniest little sparkle of love to get a little bit bigger. As long as it is always getting a little bit bigger, you are really living.

Q4: What’s it like to have an awakening?

John: It’s a little like having a dream where you can fly, or having a dream where you can breathe underwater, and where you deeply love what you’re in. It’s so clear and strong that when you wake up you’re surprised that it was only a dream.

When you awaken, that means that something you’ve never known before opens up inside of you and is so real. You know something that is so real it changes everything else that you can see.

Q5: I was wondering why we see certain people in our dreams.

John: That can be because of what that person represents to you in your psyche – within all the makeup of what’s inside of you. When you’re in a dream and that make-up stirs, then in your dream you’ll experience what is like that person. That doesn’t mean that it is that person – and it could also be that person. Each time something like that happens, instead of believing what you think about it, that it is just a part of your self, or that it really is that person, believe none of it and just be really quiet within.

Each time you have such a dream where you know someone in your dream, keep doing the same thing and slowly you may start to recognize a difference. It’s like a different sense, and after a period of time you may realize that there’s a different sense that leans into it being different from something in your self. Over that whole period of time, don’t put anything together. It’s easy to make something up. Just be quiet in the difference each time until you know that you’re realizing something, and when you realize, hold that very lightly and let it grow on its own.

Q6: I’ve been trying to remember my dreams and I’ve been having a lot of trouble doing that. Can you help me?

John: When you wake up and you know you’ve been dreaming, go back to sleep … but without reaching that tipping point of falling to sleep. Get close to that tipping point and while you get close to it, be in that space within where you know that you were dreaming. Be in that space of knowing. Sit in that space while you get close to sleep. Being in that space puts you into the substance of the dream that you were in so you’ll then first remember its substance. Stay in that substance and you may come into some of the form of that substance.

How To Belong And Thrive In This World

Quote: As a being, you thrive through your humanness into your self, in person, in the midst of any environment. It doesn’t even need to be a real environment. What’s real is that you are there, thriving from the innermost outwards.

Q: John, you said that the biggest evolution for awareness is to be one with what you know. I don’t know where is the line between craziness and what I know, because in the deepest level, there are so many things which are so unusual to this world. These energies can be very painful for the body. Can you help me clarify what’s my imagination and what’s real?

John: Let the beingness in the deeper levels that you’ve awakened to come into your behavior. It’s the beingness, then, within your behavior that shifts, without your behavior becoming strange. If you let the beingness that you awaken to from within your deeper levels directly transfer to your social behavior, then you might be walking around amongst others like a zombie. Let the beingness of the deeper level move your humanness and it’s this being-filled humanness that moves your self and your personality. It won’t make your personality more strange; it’ll make your personality much more flexible.

Q: Sometimes what I call “forces” come, and the energy of them is very intense and hard for my body to process. Sometimes it means I need to lie down all day. Is it my imagination? What are these “forces”?

John: What’s taking place is you’re fixating on a deeper level of energy and how it affects your body, which focuses that energy on your body. That energy, instead of going straight to your experience physically, needs to come into your humanness. It needs to enter your heart and open up and move your humanness. It won’t make your humanness strange; it expands your humanness. It brings the depth of your humanness way out into your person. If you fixate on your physical experience you focus the energy straight into your body, and then you focus on the unusualness of it, which increases it. In that way, you’re magnifying the physical experience of it.

When that most unusual depth of energy comes into your heart and fills your humanness, it won’t make you strange. It’ll make you unusually, really there. It gives you unusual flow, unusual seeing, unusual love. It gives you a depth of nurturing reach into those who you’re with. It brings a most unusual level of balance into your self and into your personality.

Q: How are these forces connected to beingness? Are those forces a manifestation of the being? Sometimes I feel that they are really deeper than beingness.

John: There are much deeper levels of your being. The deeper the level of your being the more unusual it is and the less you’re able to relate to any of it from your self. The really deep levels of your being, from the perspective of your self, are alien. The deeper levels of your being are alien to your self: completely foreign, incomprehensible. If you bring that energy straight into your mind, your mind can’t hold it. It will make your mind, in your experience, very strange. It’s too much directly for your mind and your nervous system. It needs to come into your heart and your humanness. It’s the openness and softness of heart that brings the deeper energies of your being, instead of directly into your nervous system and your mind, right into your humanness, which turns it into nurture: nurture that relates to your self and brings your self in, bringing your self into balance instead of it pushing your self even more out of balance.

Q: I don’t know if it’s an illusion or not, but I always feel I’m not from this planet. I feel alien to the environment, to people and the earth. This question is always there for me and I’d love you to clarify this for me.

John: What you really are beautifully moves through – and with – the beingness of everything, in anyone. What you really are in reality moves as sameness; it moves as love. It isn’t this planet and its beingness that you’re not of and don’t belong to; it’s this world. What you really are, together with all of your being, isn’t of this world, isn’t like this world. Because your experience on this planet is restricted mostly to this world, you equate the rest of the planet with this world, as this world. It’s by your own belief that you separate from the beingness of this planet, just because you know so deeply that you are not the same as what you see in this world.

Q: John, is this world like a prison? Why are we here?

John: This world is a largely dehumanized existence in form which makes it difficult for you to relate, from within your heart, to this world. When you relate from within your heart, you don’t relate to this world but you are able to find what your humanness directly relates to, in the midst of this world. Whatever you are relating to within, if it’s your dehumanized self, that’s mostly what you’ll see in others. But if it is your heart, your humanness and anything deeper, you’ll find that everywhere. That it is covered in others won’t matter to you. You see it wherever it is, and there you are, relating to it. You can connect to it in someone else without them connecting to the same. You belong here. You belong here as a being: seeing, thinking, feeling and doing, as a being, through what self you have. That makes you pure belonging, here.

You belong in this world even though so much of it is illusory. Its established structures are illusory, but you belong within all of that structuring. It doesn’t inhibit you as a being. As a being, you thrive through your humanness into your self, in person, in the midst of any environment. It doesn’t even need to be a real environment. What’s real is that you are there, thriving from the innermost outwards. Your environment doesn’t need to change; this world doesn’t need to change. Wherever you are, as a being, moving through your self, in person, you are nurturingly, in unseen ways, connecting into your environment and filling it. And anyone else in that environment, where there’s any little bit of openness and softness of heart, will relate to the energy of your being that is infilling that environment. It touches them. It touches the same in them. Their environment doesn’t really matter, but what is touched in them, they nurturingly realize, matters so much.

Love thrives within illusory forms. Love will fill any form. It’s the love that is real, and all of the forms not like your being – all of the forms of this world – are actual. Most of them are not real. Put love within actual forms that are not real, and love will fill those forms. What moves within those forms is then real, even though those forms are still not real – only actual.

Q: Is there such a thing as a soul program, or a mission?

John: Nothing at all to think about. It’ll only have you searching through your past and your mind for something that is incomprehensible to your mind. But as soon as you begin to come into a little bit of it, you will know. As you come into it, it won’t relate to a self-purpose, a personal purpose for you in this world. It’ll relate to a configuration of being that, through your openness, starts to come into your humanness and forms your self differently. It will reconstruct your self.

If that starts to touch into your self, then that inspires your self. You’ll easily move into distraction, using the depth of energy that you’re touching into to inspire you to different and varying directions in your life, that you’ll make all about your self. Then it might be another five years, ten or twenty, before you’re back in the same place, of a configuration of being, again freely coming into your self through your humanness, without you making that about your self and running off with it, using that to give purpose to your self and your life, using that to build a project. You can be involved in projects, but hold them ever so lightly, without you taking them to heart. As you take personal directions in your life and projects to heart, you’ll be in distraction. You won’t be able to read the delicate configurations of your being, how that moves your humanness and how that’s meant to reconstruct your self. You’ll be too busy using that energy as inspiration to make your personal life interesting, to give depth to your personal life.

The center of your existence needs to be not your personality, not your life, not your self, a little bit your heart, not directly your being, but completely your humanness. As you are awareness, fully relaxed into all of your humanness, your being is going to move it; it’s going to stream into it; it’s going to open it, feed it, nurture it, expand it, and this being-filled heart and humanness is going to change all of your self. It will reconstruct your self and your life.

If you mix a self-purpose into that, you’ll bring in some of your humanness into your dehumanized self and you’ll live the mix. You’ll use your humanness; you’ll exploit your humanness to give satisfaction to your sense of self. You’ll live split. There will be some nurture and some emptiness, some real meaning and so much lack of meaning, until you begin to really listen within, which is you unconditionally relaxing, opening and softening in your heart, which opens you up into your humanness.

When you are in your heart and your humanness there’s nothing there that distracts you or separates you from your being. It’s when you take your sense of self and its conditioning to heart that you are living being distracted from your humanness, from your heart, and your being. You’ll live in a frustrating mix. At the end of your life you’ll wonder what that was all about; what did you miss? When you are, at the end of your life, gentled and quieted within, on your deathbed, what will matter to you is not what you’ve done with your life, not what you’ve done with your self, but what you have done with your heart, how you were taken by your humanness and how that moved your self. Nothing else deeply makes sense of your life.

Q: How can I move the self from the heart? Because I feel the split.

John: If you do anything to take your self out of your heart, that brings more of your self into your heart. It’ll increase your self-importance. You can’t take your self out of your heart, but you can let your heart be given to anything deeper than your self. It’s that givenness that enables your humanness to displace your self, to replace your self, in your heart and, with that, your being comes in and fills your heart. Everywhere it fills, your self will no longer be. And it is then that being-filled heart that, if freed by you, will come into all of your self and fill your self.

It’s you existing from the innermost outwards: you existing in balance.

True Relationship and Your Eternal Bonds

Q: I’ve been so touched when you’ve spoken about eternal bonds. Could you could say more about what they are? How can we know them and nurture them?

John: By letting the resonance of a bond be what you’re relating to in meeting anyone, in speaking to anyone, in looking at anyone.

Q: You said if I keep relating to anyone with the past that I have with them, I still can’t see them. I’ve seen how as a child I’ve not trusted someone who hurt me, and created shields that meant I didn’t really trust anybody. As that falls apart, I see that I’m more vulnerable than I was as a child. If I opened in the same way that I was at six years old to someone hurting me now, would it hurt more?

John: Yes. It would hurt more. Your openness would go so much deeper than it did when you were a child.

Q:  Can you speak about receiving pain?  

John: The pain that you would receive doesn’t actually come from what takes place in the present. When someone does something to hurt you, when you are openness within your whole system towards someone as they hurt you, the pain that is there doesn’t come from what they’re doing to you. It’s what is brought up of your past. It’s a past pain that your mind connects to what they are doing. It’s that pain that you feel; it isn’t the pain of what they are doing to you that you are feeling – that’s the illusion. When you are free of your past, free of all beliefs and someone does something to hurt you, what you will feel is not pain; you will feel love.

Q: I can’t imagine how my past can become clean – it seems so sticky!

John: Your past isn’t sticky. As you relax you don’t stick to your past and your past never did stick to you.

Q: You’ve spoken about “relaxing” and I know it makes a difference. Can you expand on that?

John: When you, awareness, are relaxed you know clearly. As you remain relaxed you see clearly. It’s all direct and that knowing and that seeing of someone directly isn’t diminished by their behavior to you. So as you remain awareness relaxed, while someone mistreats you, you keep knowing and seeing clearly. There you are living what’s real regardless of ill-treatment. You are giving to that person what they really are in the midst of their ill-treatment of you. Without effort, you are a goodness to that person. You’re being their goodness to them, even if they are not being that.

Q: So If I’m in that relationship with a person who’s slighting me, I’m just being in what’s real: I’m not trying to be right, to get anything out of it. I’m not trying to win. I’m just being in what’s real. It’s just true.

John: And what’s real is beneath all of the seen forms. It’s a little bit like catching your own child from falling off the edge of a building: you have them in a good grasp on their arm but that grasp hurts them; it really hurts, and for some strange reason they’re not connected to the fact that they’re hanging from a building by you. So while you’re holding onto them, they’re just mad at you for holding so tightly and hurting them. It doesn’t matter how that child is behaving to you: misunderstanding, misreading the entire situation. That’s not going to affect you, because in a situation like that with your own child you easily have real perspective. So all of the child’s mistreatment of you really means nothing to you. What means everything to you is you have him.

That’s what it’s like to know your deeper level connectivity with someone while they can’t see it, while they’re caught in a trap of perception that isn’t real and their behavior is determined by their perception. If you live from within the connectivity of being, what matters to you is that while that person is connecting to you through mistreatment, you have him. It’s real to you. You won’t be reducing the connectivity to your experience of how that person’s behaving. You won’t lose perspective. That’s your mind in the midst of mistreatment, not conditioned by that treatment. Your mind in all of its thinking, feeling, perception and perspective is a reflection of what you are as a being, so you see clearly. There isn’t an effort to it; you’re not efforting perspective in love; you’re not efforting connectivity. You’re being real with real connectivity in the midst of illusory connectivity from the other.

If a loved one is caught in a spell room, while they’re in that room all they recognize coming from you is mistreatment, and it’s clear to you as soon as they’re not in that room they’ll see clearly.  When you step into that room, anything you do to get them out of the room they’re going to treat as your mistreatment of them. They’re going to defend themselves in every way they can and project everything onto you. It’ll be clear to you that when you step into that room, everything that happens to you from that person means nothing to you. You’re there to get your loved one out of that room. It doesn’t matter what happens to you while you’re in that room. You’re not going to take any of it personally. When you’re being real, in real connectivity with anyone, it’s like that.

When you’re with someone, you’re not there to get them out of their room in real life. While you’re with someone, you are just being what you really are. You are in real connectivity. You know and you see and you move in that way whether there are favorable results or not. Your beingness, your movement isn’t conditioned. It isn’t conditioned on the other person. It isn’t conditioned on favorable results. The conditions of your movement are the terms of love. The way that you move from deepest within is determined only by what love is.

As you relax, as awareness relaxes, you know and you see. As you tighten and harden you’re putting together your own spell room and you’ll be projecting it onto the other. When you look at someone – anyone – and what you see is what you don’t like, because you’re not absolutely disconnected from what you really are, even while you look at a distance and you dislike someone who you don’t know at all, there is a real connectivity, even though you can’t register it. But after you’ve died it’s that real connectivity that registers first, so you immediately know that one. And then you also have how you moved in dislike. You’ll be in the converse of everything you’ve lived, all from within being.

As love, you will transparently see every little thing that you’ve done to anyone. As a being, you will process what life you’ve had – not from what that life was like in your self, not by what it felt like, but all from the perspective of where you opened and where you closed, what you did to someone because you opened and what you did to someone because you closed, and love is going to register all of it. Core honesty doesn’t see all of this, but core honesty clearly knows. It doesn’t know with forms of understanding. Core honesty knows in any circumstance, most quietly as almost nothing. Core honesty knows being like this: (John opens his hand). Everything else that’s occurring registers in its nervous system and in its mind, representing everything that is so different from what you know as a being.

Q: Is core honesty part of the body of the being?

John: Core honesty exists from within your self; it doesn’t exist in your being.

Q: So it’s part of the relationship from the being into the self that core honesty can move?

John: Yes.

Q: And separateness would only exist in the self, not the being?

John: Yes.

Q: When you say “eternal bond” and I go into my bond with you, from my self it seems like moving through time, forever, but it’s not that. Eternity is different: you’re just with me. It’s just forever in a way that I can’t imagine, but it’s true. It’s a flow that goes one way.

John: Unless there’s some tiny conscious awareness in the other. Then whatever measure of connectivity that is there in the midst of forms of illusion moving, that real connectivity gets right through into you. You know it, you can see it, you read it, and where your emotional body, in whatever little bit has become the same as your being, you’ll also feel it.

Q: Inside-out is clear now. There’s happiness and joy, but everything comes back to this stillness where, rather than being excited in the connection I’m just very plainly sitting with you, being in the belonging, sitting together …  just being together.

John: Regardless of all those forms that are not like this yet. Your past isn’t like this yet. Your self isn’t like this yet. You’re able to have perspective that comes from this, perspective that is form of this, and it is by that form that, in the rest of your life, you think and you feel; you being form of this within all of the forms of your life, even if none of those forms are like this yet.

Why Does Pleasure Make Me Feel Guilty?

Q: My question is about pleasure, pain and guilt. I’ve recently noticed that I’m experiencing a lot more pleasure running through my body but I seem to believe it’s sinful. I feel guilty and then create physical pain in my body. For example, making love can feel wonderful and fulfilling, but the next day I won’t be able to see properly or I’ll have physical pain. It’s the same if I enjoy dancing. I’d love more understanding around this.

John: For pleasure to become stable requires a stable opening of the heart. When the heart is not stabilized in being open then it can experience pleasure, but after experiencing pleasure you will always want to close. Let your heart remain open – not just during pleasure, but also after. Let the heart glow after pleasure. Letting such a glow be there takes apart the patterns that would have you closing just because there was pleasure.

The glow in the heart after pleasure doesn’t come from the enjoyment of pleasure. It comes from the enjoyment of the goodness of pleasure. It’s the enjoyment of goodness that makes the heart glow. When you’re experiencing pleasure, let your awareness go to the knowing of the goodness in it and remain in the knowing of that goodness even after the pleasure is gone. If you’re not remaining in the knowing of the goodness that’s in it, then after the pleasure is gone you’ll close. When you’re remaining in the knowing of the goodness that was there, that lets your heart not only remain open but it makes it glow; being in touch with the essence of pleasure, not just having pleasure because then you’re missing what pleasure is for.

The essence of pleasure is goodness. If you’re not being in touch with the goodness of the essence of pleasure, you’ll feel guilty in having pleasure. Love the goodness of it and you’ll remain open to pleasure. If you’re not in touch with the goodness of it, it will be easy for you to pursue pleasure and then, when you have it, closing it down: running after and running away from. When you’re in touch with the goodness that is in pleasure, and you’re abiding in such goodness, you won’t be pursuing pleasure or running away from it afterwards.

Pleasure isn’t about the experience of it. Pleasure is about your knowing of the goodness in it. The goodness in it isn’t an experience. It’s a knowing within the experience, you being the knowing of goodness instead of being the experience of pleasure. Love the goodness of it and the heart becomes stable in openness.

Q:  I feel a lot of relief in my body. It makes sense because I’ve been believing that pleasure is bad. Thank you, John.