Tammy, Author at John de Ruiter Gems

Real Lovemaking Engages All Your Chakras

August 25, 2021October 5, 2016 by Tammy

Q: Does lovemaking always address the base and the sexual chakra, or are others also addressed?

John: Yes – all of them. For real lovemaking you need all your chakras.

If your crown isn’t opening what are you making love for that has to do with what is way bigger than your self?

Regarding your throat chakra, are you communicating everything that’s inside of you? Even if you’re not communicating in words, you’re moving what’s clear in your self.

Your heart chakra has to open and move.

The power centre of your will isn’t constricting anything, making the slightest attitude in your self: there is just profound willingness, and like a stream you just go.

Being open to your second chakra completely opening and that affecting all of your others will include your base chakra, so your whole sense of security is no longer based on you having control of how your chakras are opening or not opening.

The control that you have in your chakras doesn’t come from your self anymore, so that addresses your base chakra.

All of that connects within your lovemaking.

Q: And making love from what is higher, with the crown chakra open, also affects the brain, somehow?

John: It will rewire your brain. Your brain will awaken.

Being Of Help In A Polarized World

August 24, 2021August 22, 2016 by Tammy

Q: How can I be of help to the world?

John: By being in your heart, being in your heart unconditionally, without any focus of results. If you’re being in your heart to help this world, you’ll be distracted by your need to help, or your openness to help this world. You’ll be distracted from a depth of your heart that you haven’t awakened to yet.

Your reach outside of your self into this world is completely dependent on your reach within. When your reach is within, you won’t have anything in view that’s in your self or even outside of your self. Initially when your reach is within, you’ll be gentled and quieted in your heart. When you are gentled and quieted in your heart, you’re at the doorway, so to speak, of your own being. That gentled-ness and that quietness in your heart, where you are as awareness just simply opening and softening in your heart, that kind of beingness makes you as awareness the same as your own being. Without you being the same as your own being, whatever you’re representing outside of your self won’t be a representation of your being. It’ll be a representation of your self, the views in your self, the sincere views in yourself. For you to be of any help – any profound help in this world – you would need to come from not just your heart, but deeper within from your own being.

This world is polarized. Our selves are polarized. Both are conditioned. When you are completely opened and softened in your heart, you’re not relating to any kind of polarization. Where there is no polarization in your quieted beingness, you’re at the initial levels in your being. From there it goes deeper and deeper and, like a tree, your reach outside of yourself is limited to the development of your own roots, your unseen roots, the roots that are out of sight beneath the ground, deeper than your experience.

An easy way to relate to what is deeper within than your self, your past, your person, your experience, is when you lie down to go to sleep. When you first lie down, you’re lying down together with your past, your experiences, everything that you’ve carried about in your day. At first you lie down as a person, and as soon as you begin to relax, your personality and its movement begins to rest. As you, awareness, relax, you open and as you open everything that you’re accustomed to in your day, what you’re accustomed to relating to begins to pass away. Your own conditioning in yourself passes away, and you naturally come into your heart. As you, awareness, continue to open and fundamentally relax you go even deeper within than your own heart. There, all of the forms of familiarity you’ve gone beneath. As you have receded out of all of your familiar forms, you fall asleep. You’re returning to an unconditioned restedness: an unconditioned relaxation, a repose into your own being, into what you really are. Right at that point, you fall asleep.

Each time that you lie down to go to sleep, notice what’s occurring in you. Notice what falls away. Everything that falls away, that passes away, that relaxes away from your experience enables you to realize what it is that actually matters most; that you’re coming into your own real unconditioned beingness. It has all to do with quality and depth, not conditioned by familiarity. What you’re left with as everything passes away shows you how to be, how to be within in the midst of your heart, your self, your person, your life, your past, your conditioning, your whole day.

As you connect with what you really are in the midst of everything that is yours in your day, you are being what everyone is looking for by simply being that. That’s your most fundamental help. That’s a first help to others, because there, the resonance of what you’re being and what you are in the midst of all of your forms in the midst of your day, is the same as your own being and others read that: children read that, babies read that, nature and animals read that. It matters more than your words. It matters more than your intentions.

A Multi-Dimensional Cosmic Earthling

August 24, 2021July 4, 2016 by Tammy

Q: Would you talk to me about the switch in which power is given from the self to the being? I’ve heard you say that eventually we will all come to that point. I feel very stretched in my self. All my surface levels are shaken up, especially my nervous system, and it seems to be connected to that. I was also wondering if this is the same as the ‘flip’ you recently spoke about.

John: With a profound shift of orientation in you as awareness, being gentled and quieted in your heart is your first nature. Being open and softening in your heart is your first nature. With a profound shift of orientation beingness is what you are and no longer your self. Instead of your self being who you are and what you are, deeper beingness is what you are.

The ‘flip’, so to speak, is different. Within the flip you’re not just, as awareness, dropping deeper and into your beingness. With the flip, it’s what you know in the movement of your deeper levels that provides your entire seeing, so that in your life your perspective doesn’t come from your self and your past. Your perspective comes from what you know in your deeper levels, manifesting as perspective in your person. It’s a little like having another brain as you move about in this life, a brain that doesn’t relate to conditioning. It doesn’t relate to your past.

The seeing that you have within this perspective is inclusive of other dimensions. The greater the pressure in your life, the more that these dimensions reverberate in you, instead of your conditioning moving your seeing and your experience.

With the flip, it is real in your person, not a belief in your thinking; it is solidly real in your person that you are a multi-dimensional being, and it is how you see and think and feel in your life. With the flip, you, as a being, have the forms of your self and your person. You live as a being with a self, a person and a life in a similar way that you have been a self that has a person, a heart, a life, and somewhere within, a being.

With the flip you are, irrecoverably, existing in life right-side up.

Q: Absorbed into my deeper levels in the midst of a self in upheaval?

John: Yes. That releases power that you’ve invested in your self into what you are absorbed in: your deeper levels.

Q: Will the forms eventually settle?

John: Yes. They become as you are in them, so if you are in your self confused or upset about anything, you have come into available power that belongs to your being. As you move into your being in the midst of that confusion or upset, the power that’s there moves with you.

Q: So eventually my forms won’t be separate from my being because they’re the same.

John: Yes. Any amount of disturbance in your self is newly found power that you give to your being. The upset dissolves because its power is removed, and at the same time your being becomes more physical.

Q: That’s the stretching in the self?

John: You being your deeper levels while you are in your self is a fundamental stretch for your self. Your self is made for that stretch. It’s not hard on it. It’s only hard on your self where you have some personal investment in your self.

Q: So eventually, when all the forms come together there’s oneness?

John: Not just oneness, but oneness seen.

Q: Because it’s made physical.

John: In your self, in person.

Q: And we’re not earthlings any more, as you once said?

John: It makes you a multi-dimensional, cosmic earthling and no longer a worldling.

Q: That’s why it’s so precious to be in this life and have this body? That’s our opportunity; that’s why we’re here.

John: Yes. Through your response to what you know, you enter a different species of meaning, enabling this different species of meaning to completely take over your brain and your nervous system. It’s all you. It’s just not like you in your self. It’s all of the deeper levels of you that have permission from you, in your self, to have that space.

It is you, in your self, giving complete permission for all of the deeper levels of you to have the whole space of you in your self. You, in your self, are the power-holder giving away all of your power to the rest of you.

Q: When that stretching occurs in the self, my deeper levels come into my self and take space.

John: And your self goes through some growing pains. You may in your self lose a measure of coordination but that will all come back, multi-levelled.

Q: It has to come apart before it comes back together. That sense of having no direction or coordination is my self coming apart. I had a sense of that, but it’s so good to talk with you about it. Everything is just good.

John: That’s you.

To listen to this meeting click Audio Download 309 – Becoming a Multi-dimensional Earthling or see all the John de Ruiter Audio Downloads.

What This Life Is For

August 24, 2021June 24, 2016 by Tammy

Q: What is this sense of energetic transmission that I feel? A month ago I read your little book The Intelligence of Love: Manifesting Your Being In This World and I felt this immense peace and energetic transmission.

John: You are linking up through your own deeper levels to what I come from, what I am, and me.

Q: I sense that this is my true home.

John: When someone outside of your self embodies the same as your being, when you are open in the presence of that, your being responds which gives you a direct experience of what you know the truth of. In that, your being is awakened and moves right up into your body and your self. The reason that you believe it is because of its sublime depth and quality.

Q: What is this immense reality that’s unseen? It’s so immense. Is that who we really are?

John: Yes. But until it’s embodied, you don’t have its powers in your life. It doesn’t come into power without you giving it all of your power. Your being, in this way, is empowered by you, for your being to be in your life.

Q: I need to be honest on all levels for this immensity to move through?

John: From within the deepest outwards, yes.

Q: What a gift that this immensity is! It’s who we really are.

John: What a gift that you experience it; that the truth of it registers within your seen levels; that it is awakened in your body and in your self.

Q: What would put me back to sleep again?

John: By compromising the depth of your most delicate listening within, in the protection of anything of your self, anything that you think you have in your life.

Q: My preferences.

John: They all register as personal sovereignty. If you respond to your awakening by being your awakening, your personal sense of self is no longer sovereign. Your deeper beingness is, right out into your life, at any personal cost, and there you are embodying your being, without which you fool your self.

Q: The body’s just a garment, meaning that it’s just temporary?

John: Yes, but as temporary as it is, there is much more to your body than you’re aware of.

Q: What is the sensing power of the body. It knows everything. What is that about?

John: That’s there because of what you were being in your body while you were in your mother’s body; the resonance of what you are as a being, present in your body.

Q: So there is an intelligence that knows everything in the body actually?

John: That can be used somewhat by your self, but its real use doesn’t come in until what you are as a being has it. The real potential in your self isn’t within the development of your self; the real potential of your self and your body is completely dependent on your being having it all. Your being can’t have anything without you being it. Lovely.

Your being is incorruptible. You can corrupt your body, your self, your personality, your life, even your own heart, but you cannot corrupt your own being. As soon as you are being a little bit different from your own being, you lose access; you can’t get in. So you live separate from it, but as soon as you, awareness, relax, and you’re being the same as your own being, you have beautiful, free-flowing access.

Q: So control, that belief in control is what blocks the flow?

John: Believing illusion. Where you think you have control, you don’t. Where you think you have control, you’re not understanding the real nature of control. For you to have full control is only through your being. You can’t have it in your self, on the terms of your self. That’s an illusion. You can’t have full control within your self without your being having all of that control.

Q: That’s what this life is for. That’s why we are here.

John: Yes, and for no other reason. Any other reason is an illusion. It passes only where you let it go, or when you die.

Q: Only the body dies. I don’t know it completely, but there is a knowing that only the body dies. Nothing else dies.

John: And it invites you in, not for the use of your self, but way, way, in for the use of you, as a being. The more that you deeply open the more that your deeper bodies tell you what the truth is.

Q: Listening, quietly listening inside seemed to be helpful. Is that right?

John: That’s an understatement. Really listening within is it.

When you are really listening within, you’re not listening to thinking and feeling, emotions or will. You’re not listening to your self or your past. You, awareness, are listening to what you know. When you are really listening within, you are being honest to what you know the truth of, not influenced by anything else. And you love really listening within. It returns you to pure you. It returns you to being what you really are. It makes your heart as clean as your being.

When you listen to your self to inform you of the nature of reality, you take your self to heart and then you can no longer see. Concerning the nature of reality, you’re blind. As soon as you begin to really listen within, all of the voices of your self have no more say and there your heart is freed of your self, and the streams of your being fill your heart. There, your heart is the same as your being.

Q: And perception changes? Is that what you mean, that I’m blind, because then I’m not grasping onto perception any more?

John: Freeing perception to belong to your being. As your being fills perception you see reality for what it really is. As long as perception belongs to your self, you are blind concerning the nature of reality. As soon as you know through really listening within how blind you are in your self, concerning the nature of reality, you begin to see.

Q: It’s completely different, the actual reality.

John: And you so love that.

Q: Because there’s real love there, the actual love. Thank you.

The Golden Thread Of Connectivity

August 24, 2021June 16, 2016 by Tammy

Q: I need to let go of everything to be home, and when I try to hold on to something for my self, then I’m lost. It’s okay to let go of someone who I’m holding onto because in my self I feel like that’s what I want and need in my heart. They are dear to me, but I know in my heart that it’s wrong to hold on. If I try to have my own will and make things happen through my self and for a need in my self, then I’m lost and further from home.

John: It isn’t that it’s wrong, but until you are really of what is deeper than what is seen, even the pure and the lovely in what is seen misleads. When you awaken to unseen levels within, you are in a precarious in-between stage where you’re still functioning in levels that are seen, yet you know that you’re all about what you’ve awakened to. If you’re not established in what is unseen, as you engage strong energies in what is seen, they’ll easily take you away.

Having a bond and falling in love, all of that belongs to your being. Without being established in your being, moving in that bond and moving into a relationship on the basis of that bond and falling in love and having love is like surfing a wave. That wave won’t take you deeper into what you’re in. It takes you to where the wave ends. There isn’t anything wrong with that, but if you ride the wave, if you go with it, it’s going to take you some time again to get back out into the deep, so to speak. In the meantime, you will have gone through a whole cycle that has taken up your time, your energy, your life and a whole sense of importance.

You can be in both at the same time, but if you’re not established in your awakening, the bigger energies within what is seen that you participate in will most likely just occupy you, engage you in another cycle. You can go that cycle. It isn’t wrong. There’s much goodness in it, but the goodness that is really there isn’t going to save you from distraction. You can find goodness in anything that you do because you are there.

The illusion is that finding what you know is goodness in the midst of a particular direction makes that direction right, when that direction is neither right nor wrong. The goodness in any direction tells you about goodness. Instead of linking immediately the goodness to something that you’re doing, to a particular direction in your life, let the goodness come back to you so that you are being the golden thread of connectivity and that that thread isn’t based on anything that you’re doing. It isn’t based on what you can see, even though it does move through everything you can see.

If you’re not awakened, all of this doesn’t mean anything. If you’re not awakened, then you just live your life and you do what you honestly think is best. It’s that honesty that is the beginning of a golden thread. It becomes tied to everything on the surface but there will be a most quiet knowing, within, that that thread really has nothing to do with the surface.

It’s neither true nor untrue to move in a particular direction on the surface. The true has to do with you, the unseen goldenness within, and being that in whatever direction you move on the surface, and that your own golden presence doesn’t make a particular thing to do right.

The true is you, not something that you can do. The first true is you deeply getting what you are, that first has nothing to do with doing. You can’t do it. You can directly be pure you. As you become established in the unseen, the doing has to do with moving that unseen within what is seen.

It’s somewhat like the innocence of a small child. What matters is that magical innocence, not what that child does with its day. There, the meaning is easily understood that when you say to that child it doesn’t matter much what you do today, that child is gone into its innocence, doing whatever. And if that child leaves a little bit of its innocence for the sake of what it’s doing, it’s beginning to be a little bit lost.

Relating To A Woman’s Mystery

August 24, 2021June 14, 2016 by Tammy

Q: I wanted to speak with you about my connection to women in my life. I’m used to ease in different areas in my life and looking back I see that getting in touch with women, meeting women, connecting with women had been hard for me to do even in childhood days. There was a shift in this a couple of years ago which made me experience my self much more open, which led to a lot of encounters; experiences on my side which were quite hard to digest for me.

John: Referencing your self while you’re close to a woman doesn’t tell you what a woman is. Your self won’t tell you; your self doesn’t help you in this. Referencing your self when you’re close to a woman brings pressure into your self because it isn’t in your self that you know about womanness. It’s in your heart, and not you being in your heart so that you can understand in your self about womanness and how to be with it.

Go to your heart and, while you’re close to a woman, stay in your heart despite any of the vulnerability that you experience in your self. You can be close to a woman while you’re in your self and not in your heart, but it won’t satisfy your heart, and while you’re in your self you won’t be able to be close to a woman’s mystery. It’s only when you are really in your heart that you can be close to a woman’s mystery and that her mystery has access into you, that her mystery is free to do whatever it does to you while you’re in your heart. You’ll not try to understand it; you’ll not try to cope in your self with it. You’re just there, in your heart, at rest, clearly affected by her mystery. In that, you get to know what a woman is.

Q: This sense of disconnection which I have experienced a couple of times is a result of this sort of misalignment or misconception.

John: Yes. You can’t be aligned with her mystery without you being at rest, open and soft in your heart. Her mystery is how her being moves through her humanness. She doesn’t even really get her own mystery but, when you are at rest, open and soft in your heart and a little bit close to her, she gets her mystery because it moves to you. Neither one of you will understand it.

Q: So I’m like a mirror of her to see.

John: It’s a pretty special kind of mirror. It doesn’t just reflect, but it also draws and absorbs. As it does, that deeply opens you to your mystery. When you’re transparent because you’re in your heart, what you really are is present and it registers her mystery. In registering it, it awakens it. In awakening it, it draws it and it absorbs it. A man’s mystery is a little bit further from the surface than a woman’s.

Q: Is there anything that I can do to support this development?

John: Nothing. When you’re in that, that leaves you vulnerable in your self, through your heart, to her mystery and by that your mystery is uncovered.

When you’re close to a woman, don’t try to cope. Don’t try to understand her and don’t at all try to relate to her. You can’t. You can only relate to her if your mystery is moving. It’s only your mystery within, uncovered and moving, that can relate to hers. And without the meeting of mysteries it doesn’t matter how much you think you might understand a woman or how much you think you can relate; you don’t really. Open to that and you are available to meet.

Q: As this sensation of dis-connectivity occurs, it’s already too late?

John: That sensation of being disconnected and separate has nothing to do with what you really are. It’s present there in your nervous system and it isn’t telling you the truth.

Q: So it’s literally nothing.

John: In reality, it’s nothing. In your nervous system it’s really something.

Q: So not coping with her, but how to deal with this situation knowing that this is inside of me and not real?

John: Toward those sensations and that experience, be kindly un-listening.

Q: Un-listening…not listening?

John: No. Un-listening.

Q: What is that?

John: Better than not listening. Un-listening works; not listening doesn’t. Not listening makes you resist, which means you’re listening to it. Inside, this is how you be when you’re close to a woman.

Q: And being close makes being a lot easier for me.

John: In your heart this comes naturally to you. Now you see. If I were your mother now, I would be kissing you all over your face.

Read moreRelating To A Woman’s Mystery

Accept Your Trauma and Have No Drama

September 24, 2018May 25, 2016 by Tammy

Q: I wanted to talk to you about trauma.

John: Trauma or drama? Drama creates trauma. Trauma is the damages of drama.

Q: I see myself playing with it, and it starts because of feeling that I can’t feel this feeling. I resist feelings and hate the world.

John: Not being able to feel, that’s the trauma that’s the result of the drama. Drama causes damage such as not being able to feel. When you do have trauma, don’t add to it any drama. Trauma heals; drama doesn’t heal. Love healing. When you love healing, there is no more drama.

Q: The resistance…just be with that?

John: When the resistance comes up, find the trauma while having no drama. Behind the resistance there is sensitivity to trauma. When you have damaged yourself because of drama, you’ll be naturally sensitive to that damage which does show up as resistance. Distinguish between being obstinate and the protection of something that has been damaged; obstinate in being stubborn and being dramatically resistant. Distinguish between dramatic resistance and the protection within of something that has suffered damage. Remove the drama from the trauma, then there’s healing. Protecting what has been damaged is understandable. Enjoy being understandable.

Q: Is it ok to protect something that has been damaged?

John: Yes. It is also okay to remain being open in the midst of what is damaged. Protection and openness are a balance.

Q: How to protect?

John: With openness. Accept your trauma and have no drama. As you feel, you will heal.

Your Higher Power Is In Your Weakest Weakness

August 24, 2021May 16, 2016 by Tammy

Q: I seem to have lost faith in a higher power and also a faith in myself. Can you help me with that?

John: Instead of looking for a bigger power, power in yourself or a higher power, begin with the power that has the greatest reach in you. It isn’t found in your strength. It isn’t found in your beliefs. It’s found in the midst of your weakness, and not just your weakness but most particularly your weakest weakness.

Within your weakest weakness there isn’t anything that holds you together; there is no relationship to power. There is no kind of holding, holding together or even a longing. There isn’t any kind of looking. Your weakest weakness within is that when you are quieted, you know in your heart to be the most simple openness, a most fundamental and simple softening. This knowing in your heart – not what you think and feel, not what you’ve been taught, not anything of past experience – is the simplest beingness. As you respond to that knowing, you simply come to rest and it’s from such a sublime, nurturing weakness that you begin to know more.

When you lose faith in a higher power and in your self, it’s because the way that you, awareness, are moving in your seeking, your looking and your trying, isn’t of the same depth and quality of movement as that of your own being. As soon as it is the same as that of your own being, you’re home. You’re home in a tiny little bit of what you really are.

At that level of tiniest realization within, you’re not relating in your life in the accustomed way that isn’t working for you and doesn’t answer you. You’re relating within that tiniest little bit in the way that answers you in what you really are. It is you, awareness, at rest in pure you, unadorned by familiarity, unadorned by your efforts, unadorned by all of your looking and trying.

The first movement from within that tiny, tiny little bit within of complete restedness is love, not a strong experience of love, not an emotional love, but a pure touch of love. If you’re looking for more than that you’ll overlook it. If you’re looking for something big you won’t see where it actually is, in the little.

Q: Thank you.

From Anxiety To Innocence

August 24, 2021May 13, 2016 by Tammy

Q: Lately I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety and heaviness in my chest. It sometimes seems connected to events in the world. I’ve gone through and through my thoughts and emotions to see where it might come from and I can trace it back to a sense of separation from God. Yet after all that work, the anxiety is still here. What do you suggest?

John: The anxiety comes from your way of being within your self. If you have anxiety, particularly a deeper level of anxiety that’s difficult to pinpoint the source of, that tells you about your relationship with your self. You’re not clearly distinguishing between you and your self. When you buy into your self as being you, you’re caught into believing your experience. Your experience tells you much about your self; it doesn’t necessarily tell you much about you.

You get to know you much more when you lie down to go to sleep. Regardless of your levels of anxiety, what kind of past you have, what kind of day you’ve had, what kind of relationships you have, as you lie down to go to sleep it doesn’t take long before your past and your personality fall away and your day begins to disappear. Your familiar sense of self also dissipates. The more that you relax, as awareness, the more you’re naturally residing in what you really are.

Right before you fall asleep – just at that tipping point – is when you’re most easily being what you really are. Everything else is already gone. There is no sense of separation and there is no anxiety. When you begin to notice that, it shows you what you’re able to be in your day, but the sense of value that’s there is of a completely different level. The level of meaning within you doesn’t first relate to your past, your mind, or your self. What you really are is simply most quiet love and goodness. It’s there underneath everything, regardless of your past and regardless of the conditioning of your self. It really has so little to with what you’re familiar with in your life.

If you awaken to that difference between you and your self – what you really are within and everything else that you’re familiar with in your life – then instead of looking for meaning in how you experience your self and looking for it outside of your self, you realize that meaning is what you really are. That’s why you’re looking for meaning because you already know what it is: it’s you. Your capacity, then, to find meaning outside of your self is completely dependent on you realizing meaning within.

Meaning isn’t a ‘something’ to comprehend with your thinking: it’s you. Being that in the midst of your self, regardless of its conditioning and in the midst of your life regardless of its shape, what you’re coming from is already complete. It needs no fixing. Most quietly being that within in the midst of whatever kind of self and life you have, you’re beginning with what needs no change. When you’re rested in that and no longer looking outside of it for meaning, you begin to see depths of meaning in everyone and everything. Your seeing opens to what you’ve been deeply looking for.

Q: Is the willingness to see enough to enable seeing?

John: Yes. To have a delicate willingness within means that you are opening and softening. It’s openness and softness, that manner of being, which enables you to see. Openness and softness of heart is what you naturally rest in when you lie down to go to sleep. It comes so naturally because it is what you really are. Because you so naturally move through your own levels from the surface to the deeper, you, within, are most easily taken for granted. Your self and your life easily become a covering that you try to wade through, looking for a sense of meaning. The meaning is quietly just beneath that, as realizable in your life as you’re able to easily realize it when you lie down to go to sleep or when you hold a baby.

When you hold a baby, it’s a little bit like meeting what you really are. You naturally come from the same level of meaning that you see in a baby. When you’re quieted within, as you hold a baby, and the baby’s looking at you or right into you, what you are is known. You’re known by something that’s difficult to understand, but your response isn’t hard to understand; your response is love. You’re reached by what you see because what you see is the same as you really are, just devoid of your self, your past and your life.

As you become acquainted with these deeper levels of meaning within – deeper levels not of your self, but of you – what you first realize is the meaning of your own heart. As you continue in deeper realization you realize that your own heart is really the door to your being. When you’re quieted in your heart, you’re being the same as your own being. That’s your entrance to your being. Your real beingness is easily found in your self and in your heart.

For you to be free of your past and your self, simply live no longer taking your self to heart. What remains is you, meaning, that is pure and complete. Profound realization and awakening is simply you, uncovered: you, awareness, no longer covered up by your self and your past. Your experience in your self is innocence and happiness without a reason, just like what you easily see in little children.

What you’re really looking for is always so close. It’s just beneath your relationship with your self.

Real Meeting, Real Relationship

August 24, 2021May 11, 2016 by Tammy

Q: Hi John. I would like to talk with you about your concept about relationships, because I know you are very clear that first it’s a long time to get to know each other, and then marry, and then have sex. To me the last years is total, I would say, opposite, without marriage and almost without relationship. But actually something in me is longing for deep relationship. The question is how I come from this concept to the other?

John: A real relationship is based on the two of you meeting. If you have any personal wants or needs, you can’t meet. You’re not available to meet. You’re already occupied with your wants and your needs.

Q: Aren’t the needs and wants just natural things of the body?

John: You don’t need them for the two of you to meet. Where there’s real meeting you have direct access into each other without acquiring anything, without getting something. When you were still in your innocence and you would directly meet with someone, you didn’t do that to get something.

Q: Aren’t these two different things: the meeting and the living?

John: The dearness in meeting is everything. For real relationship you don’t need anything else, and nothing comes in between the two of you, Your selves don’t come in between the two of you; want and need don’t come in between the two of you.

Q: These things happen in parallel? There is a deep meeting and there is physical meeting. It comes together or is it totally different, has nothing to do with the physical?

John: Totally different until it’s everything, and then it also shows in everything. It comes through in everything.

Q: It starts from the very inside and it shows on the outside?

John: And everything that it shows through doesn’t make it better. The dearness that’s there in the two of you meeting is complete. Nothing from the outside-in can make it better and, when you stay there, it grows from the inside-out.

Q: What you say increases my longing for this kind of meeting.

John: When you meet with anyone, don’t take that to any next step in your self. You’ll compromise the meeting and the clear dearness that’s there, so that you can have what you think you need in your self. You don’t need your past, your self, or your patterns for you to meet with another.

When you build a real relationship, you’re building together with that unseen substance that doesn’t appeal to your self but is directly dear to you. The more that you build being together, levels within deeper than your self move. That movement, the movement of your being, is your mobility in the relationship.

The movement of your being, of any level deeper within than your self, is your mobility in the relationship. That makes your movement love. The physical won’t do that for you, and engaging your selves won’t do that for you. The physical and engaging your selves belongs to your being. Use that for your self and you won’t be able to have a real relationship. What you’ll have is mutual exploitation.

Q: This needs time to meet in this and it has to be first.

John: If it isn’t first, it won’t be there. It’s first because it’s everything. Then you can add all of the containers to hold it, to carry it, without making it about the containers.

Q: I’m not sure about the containers?

John: The physical and your selves. They only matter as much as what they belong to. It isn’t their use that gives them meaning. It’s what they belong to that gives them all of their meaning. That re-contextualizes all that’s yours. Everything that’s yours is returned to your being.

Relationship isn’t for your self. Use it to satisfy your self and you’re using relationship to separate from your being. Relationship belongs to your being. You can’t use any regular model of relationship.

Q: Because they prove to be wrong?

John: Not wrong. It just doesn’t work. What makes it not deeply work is when it doesn’t belong to your being.

Q: It means that both need to be rooted in the being?

John: Yes, or at very least, residing in the heart and not leaving the heart to acquire anything.

Q: This is quite rare, to find together in the being?

John: Yes. It’s rare.

Q: But possible.

John: It’s what every relationship belongs to. It’s what every relationship can belong to. The basis of a real relationship is two, deeply being together. It isn’t a companionship.

When two are being together, the fullness of love is there without anyone doing something. Then, in whatever you do, your beings are right there and love moves. It isn’t really about anything that you do together. Your unseen levels, the levels of your being, are meeting and communing without the two of you doing something. Then, in whatever you do, you are meeting and communing.

Q: Somehow I’m reminded of what you say now. Somewhere in my being there is this knowing about what you say…this old experience of knowing. Now this very, very old memory came up. It can reach to oneness and relationship with all that is around?

John: If it begins with the heart and relaxes even more deeply.

Q: Thank you John.