From the September 14, 2014 evening meeting with John de Ruiter in Yehiam, Israel
Q: In my life, in my past, I have suffered sexual abuse and in my body I experienced trauma, sometimes physical pain. I know now that this is something for me to open and soften in the midst of. Even now, I’m married to a man that is kind and gentle and attentive, and I close and harden. Through the seminar I’ve realized that whatever pain I experience is all an opportunity to become oneness. I feel that sexuality in this world is so distorted that I can trust nothing but this voice inside me.
John: Real sexuality doesn’t begin with the direction of physical sexuality. Real sexuality begins in your heart. Real sexuality is your capacity as awareness, from within the level of your heart, to meet and to see others. It’s the beginning of your own being. Real sexuality has to do with transparency and presence of energy. It begins as a presence, the transparent presence, where you’re able to see from your heart and you’re able to be seen in your heart. It’s what you have for you to meet others, to be together with anyone. That’s the beginning of your being, a rudimentary level of your own being that is known first in your heart.
The deeper levels of sexuality don’t have anything to do with a dependency on physical sexuality. Deeper sexuality is when you move past your heart, into your own being, where you begin to realize, in simple ways at first, how to commune, a most delicate meeting and blending of beingness, a sharing of your being with another being. It’s a communion of goodness, a communion of nurture, and it is the meeting and the movement of love.
The real movement of sexuality is present within everything that is real. When you drink a glass of water, the water comes into your body and comes into your system. The physiological response and how that affects your nervous system are deeper sexuality. When your body is tired and you simply sit down, what is engaged is your deeper sexuality. When the sun touches your face, when you feel a pleasant breeze, everything that is real to you brings up your deeper sexuality. It is your capacity to be present in what is real. It’s how you move in what is real. There is no real existence without the constancy of your deeper sexuality.
When you go for a walk through nature, the beingness of nature is deeper sexuality. As your heart opens, you begin to meet with what nature is. There is most delicate communion. It’s all the movement of your deeper sexuality. It’s your capacity as a being to comprehend in dearness another being, the beingness of anything.
Any distortion of sexuality in the physical that you’ve been subject to, anything that you’ve done or that’s been done to you, doesn’t separate you from your deeper sexuality. It doesn’t corrupt your deeper sexuality. Your deeper sexuality is as pure as your own being. Not you or anyone else or any situation can tarnish that.
If you use anything to do with physical sexuality, for your self or against your self, you exploit it. In the exploitation of sexuality you separate from your deeper sexuality. You separate from your heart and your own being.
Despite anything that you’ve been through, nothing prevents you from your return to your heart and your own being. Nothing prevents the opening of your deeper sexuality. Nothing prevents you from seeing, meeting, and communing with meaning in everything.
Unconditionally open to your deeper sexuality, the movement of your own heart and of your own being to come into your sexuality. The attraction isn’t it; the aversion isn’t it. Your heart and your being within the context of sexuality, concerning sexuality, is it.
Trust it. Believe your heart instead of believing attraction or aversion in your self, instead of giving your belief to any sense of it that you have in your self, positive or negative. Give your belief to your heart. The presence and movement of your own heart and of your being are what sexuality belongs to, regardless of its present condition in your self. Everything distorted, when given to your heart, undistorts and heals.
In your relationship, open within your heart and anywhere else in your being to see each other, to meet. When you really comprehend the value of it, when you come together physically, that is the reset of the relationship. It’s the two of you forgiving each other of what selves you have; meeting together, expressed through the physical, making meeting and seeing, being together and communing, real in your body. It’s where you come into a new realization again that your relationship together isn’t really about your day. It isn’t really about the selves you have. It doesn’t really have anything to do with your past. It is the reset in your relationship.
What you realize in coming together as hearts and beings through the physical is how to move in your whole life. It’s where you’re able to be in full communication without needing to involve your selves. Your personality isn’t needed. What kind of person you’ve been isn’t needed. What kind of self you have, with its abilities and weaknesses, isn’t needed. You’re able to communicate directly to each other and with each other, communicating your heart and anything of your being through the physical.
Be in your heart concerning anything of the physical in the two of you being together and pointedly don’t believe anything in your self, not the attraction and not the aversion. Through
your body, believe your heart and you will find your way. The more that you’re in that, the more that you’ll love your heart.
There’s much to be unlearned. All unlearning in your self, from within your heart, is goodness. It’s loveliness to you.
To listen to this dialogue click John de Ruiter Audio Podcast 165 – Deeper Sexuality: A Sharing of Beings or visit John de Ruiter on iTunes.