Q: We were driving home and I realized my heart was opening and I felt so much pain. I felt I didn’t want to go to meetings anymore because I was so scared. I felt I was naked and everyone had a knife and could cut me at any time. I was just scared and I’m still scared.
John: It’s easy for something to hurt your body. It’s difficult for something to hurt your self, and it is isn’t possible for anything to hurt you…
Q: Can this be too much openness, if you’re not ready for it? Sometimes my heart is very open and there’s many layers removed around my self, so it’s good and I have many positive contacts but then if something unpleasant happens, that’s too much. You really hurt.
John: That’s fine. You can’t be too open for your heart.
Q: So a big heart is okay? I have the feeling that my response is negative because I feel I have to protect my self…
Q: Since I was very young I have struggled with depression and acne and bowel problems and the more I question my thoughts and the deeper I go the worse it gets. It just seems my self is getting a lot harder and I don’t really know what to do.
John: First be okay with all of that just the way it is. Instead of just having some problems, you are absorbed by your problems.
Q: I’ve always thought that there was like a mind-body connection and the more the thoughts and questions, the worse it gets…
Q: I cracked wide open today with a lot of flooding of emotion. I see clearly how self-indulgent it is to waver in that place of being in presence and being invited to go there completely but still playing in the mind and emotions. I consider myself a victim of separation, but really I think it’s just choice, that the play of life is more interesting. I can play the role of being unworthy or living a tragic love story with my self and when there’s a fall from grace, it’s just a confirmation of my humanness, which is pathetic…
Q: Hi, John. Ever since I was little, I never saw that, whatever my dad was doing, that he was wrong. I just loved him so much that, whatever he was doing, I was okay with that, and I didn’t take it personally. Then my little sister was born and I don’t know why but I took it personally. I can’t open my heart to her.
John: It isn’t really her that you are not opening your heart to. It is really a deeper level of you…