A Real Foundation For Relationship

WHEN: February 15, 2002 Afternoon Meeting

Q: I’d like you to help me look deeper at a pattern of mine. I keep falling in love with men who seemingly don’t want a committed relationship. I can see the reflection of my own lack of commitment and maybe even lack of loving, yet I do feel that the love is very genuine.  

John: The love for …?

Q: The man, and the love for truth.

John: Leave out the first one! Let your whole life turn into the second one. Without your whole life turning into the love of the truth, you won’t be with a man rightly.  You’re trying to find, from a man, what you lack in the love of the truth. When you’re going to a man and trying to find in him what you’re lacking within, that is exactly the kind of man who will be attracted to you, so you’ll be teaching each other the lesson that each of you needs to learn: that you cannot find, without, what you’re lacking within. It will never stop until you do, but for you to stop will have you facing everything that you’ve been running away from.  

The only part of you that can have a real relationship with a man is the part of you that doesn’t need to. Very gently leave alone that which you want the very most. When you think that you’re ready to be in a relationship with a man, then be open to be in relationship without it being at all physical. If you find that disturbing then you’re not ready to be in a relationship with a man. You can only handle being physical when you can first handle not being physical. The more that you relate to the physical in a relationship, the shorter that relationship will last. It’s not going to stop until you do.  

Q: I can see I need to stop the neediness part, but loving from the heart, too?

John: Loving from the heart, but not using that to get from a man what you can only have within. If you cannot have it alone, within, with neediness quieted, then you will not be able to sustain it without. The ‘I’, being in right relationship with what it knows, is much easier than the ‘I’ being in a real relationship with another. The more that you gravitate to what is actually more difficult the more that you are avoiding what is actually easiest within.

Let your own foundation heal and come together rightly, then you can join, healthfully, with another.

Other Popular Talks

Living In The Bond Beneath Divorce

Q: In my last marriage, when I took the decision to divorce my husband I felt it was necessary to do it, but after two years there’s still so much grief and missing of him. It was not a healthy relationship. It was terrible, really – so much anger – but I wonder if the bond was strengthening. Did I give up too early? This comes into my mind again and again, and makes it difficult to be in new relationships.

John: For the next two years, live in your bond with him regardless of the relationship having ended...

Read More »

How To Be A Good Influence In A Difficult Situation

Q1: I come from the States, and my question is about my connection to our society. I’ve never been political but I feel a sense of connection and therefore would like to be part of moving things in a more positive direction than I see happening politically. It feels hard to address without being angry about what’s going on, yet it doesn’t feel right not to address it.

John: In addressing it, by coming from a place within you that doesn’t relate to lack: relating from a fundamental goodness within...

Read More »

Purity of Heart – The Real Gem of Consciousness

Q: It’s a rare opportunity to sit with someone like you and I’m trying to think of the best question. Is there a benefit in verbally asking a question and being answered?

John: Anything that is real is worth it.   

Q: I’ve read your book ‘Unveiling Reality’ in which you speak of your awakening and later enlightenment. I think I’ve had awakening experiences, but I’d love to know the hallmarks of awakening and enlightenment.

John: Awakening is being able to see beingness, being able to drink in beingness, being able to distinguish between beingness and everything else...

Read More »