What Is Real Parenting?

WHEN: December 11, 2015 Evening Open Mic

Q: Earlier this year I had a vision of having a wife and two children in about ten years’ time. Now, my girlfriend and I are four months into her pregnancy – a little earlier than expected – and it’s pushing our evolution, for sure! You’ve been talking about the innocence of children, so I wonder what you would say about approaching parenting, and about receiving from children in that process.

John: Amazingly, there are two beings in her body, and despite everything else that’s occurring, they’re communing. If you attune to it, that’s your preparation for parenting. 

The real parenting isn’t about doing all of the right things. The real parenting consists in meeting and communing, knowing and seeing. In everything, that’s what the child is going to be looking for.

Your words won’t matter much. What you’re being in your words is what a child listens to. 

The simplest that you can give to your child is the dearness between the two of you in your relationship – the dearness between the parents. That dearness matters more than the two of you getting along in your selves. The dearness matters more than anything else that’s occurring. 

Where the dearness is there, what that really means is that the two of you are together. 

Where there’s dearness, that means that the two of you really do know each other and see each other. 

Let nothing of your selves get in between that.

Q: Thank you.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Other Popular Talks

Raising Your Child Without Raising Your Voice

Q: When it comes to educating my child, I feel that I’m not being heard unless I raise my voice.

John: If you need to raise your voice to be heard, that tells you that when you speak she doesn’t believe you.

Q: She doesn’t!

John: Raising your voice doesn’t make her believe you.

Q: No, but it makes her feel fear, and then she would do what I want because she doesn’t want me to shout at her again.

..

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »

Building A Relationship For A Higher Purpose

Q: Hello, John. My partner and I have been living together for the past six months. Many times I’ve wondered whether that was kind or skillful because of the pain and suffering that arise in the relationship. If I had had my time over, I would not have included sexuality and living together in our relationship until we had a solid, long-term commitment to each other. We want to take some time apart. Is it possible to be together as friends and not be involved intimately until that commitment is solid and strong?

..

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »

Sleeplessness: What Can I Do?

Q: I told you long ago about my sleeplessness. I’m only able to sleep with strong medicines and even then it’s difficult. I feel weak and there are long periods when I feel completely empty: no thoughts and emotions, only emptiness and fear.

John: In everything that you speak, what really matters is that you quietly open. As you’re lying down to go to sleep but you cannot sleep, enjoy opening. When you go about your day and all seems empty, go about your day opening. 

..

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »