Q: I’m just beginning to realize how difficult and awful I behaved, but I remember you saying that with any self you can still live correctly. I see a possibility of living correctly; I’m not surrendering to that possibility. What can I do to follow what I know? What can I do better?
John: Identify delicacies of being, within.
Q: If I understand what you’re saying, they seem like little tiny bits of dust during the day. It’s not that I do something linear and connected and I want that linear connected thing.
John: That’s what you are to make happen, but start out identifying what you know are delicacies of being, within. Tiny little touches of knowledge that has beingness in it; special soft spots of heart. As soon as you identify them you need to believe them. When you’re believing them, that has you, as awareness, filling out into them. As you are believing them, you are manifesting into your heart your own deeper beingness. That is you as awareness manifesting your being.
Don’t use anything outside of that for you to identify your deeper beingness. Don’t use anything in your self. If you use something in your self you’ll be identifying lack, and your sense and feelings of shame in that has you solidifying that lack.
Q: Solidifying is like rooting.
John: Using comparison to identify something solid within, giving you a feeling of solidity in your self.
It grounds you, but that grounding is based on a lack in your self. You need to find your own grounding, not in your self, but in tiny delicacies of being, tiny little touches moved into your heart, tiny little soft spots in your heart.
Find your grounding in nurturing them. You nurture them by believing them, believing the truth of them, in having your rootedness in that in your heart. Take responsibility in your having a self not by focusing on its lack. Your focusing on the lack in your self is your patterned way in your self, making your self less, and having a feeling of solidness in that.
In your believing the delicacies of being within, the tiny touches of them in your heart, you need to then move that up into your self. You need to let them show. You need to let them show in your eyes and in your face while you’re with other people. You’ll find that to be very uncomfortable. Don’t give the discomfort anything. You need to be giving the delicacies of being to your eyes and to your face, and don’t let any discomfort in your self hinder you or stop you.
People will be commenting. Some of them will be commenting very sweetly and you’ll be feeling shy and embarrassed. You need to stay in it and not draw back. You need to hold the ground of being in your eyes and in your face. Suffer the discomfort, not letting the discomfort stop you. If the discomfort shows also in your eyes and in your face, don’t let that stop you.
You need to identify ground of being within, the tiny delicacies of being within, and you need to bring that ground up into your face and into your eyes, and you need to hold that ground at any personal cost. In doing this, your self will change. You’ll be achieving personality that you didn’t have before.
If you’re not bringing touches of being, real ground of being, into your face and into your eyes, you won’t be taking responsibility in having a self and you won’t be taking responsibility in having your personality. You’ll make your personality less and you’ll make your self less, and you’ll cover the delicacies of being, within. You need to not do that any more.
Q: Associating less or seeing less people so I won’t have a frame of reference. Is that a good idea to keep me from doing it?
Q: Should I try to expand, see a little bit more people, to exercise in this?
John: Yes. You need to make the delicacies of being, within, your ground, and that ground needs to be within the interior of your face and you need to let it be seen. You need to not use your eyes and your face to cover it. Some will see you as being adorable in that. Some others may laugh at you. Some others may even use that to try to hurt you. You mustn’t let anything stop you. You need to let your own ground of being stay showing in your eyes and in your face, regardless of what others do with that.
Q: I have a tendency to be resentful to people from the inside, and sometime I look at them with hatred. I have the sense of looking at them with like an evilness.
John: That’s because you’re making them wrong for your not having your own ground of being showing in your eyes and in your face.
Q: Sometimes I have no control and I’d rather not see people’s…
John: If you’re starting out identifying delicacies of being within, you’ll be finding soft spots in your heart. Those tiny little soft spots in your heart are your ground. You need to live from that ground. You need to hold that ground. You need to bring that ground up into your eyes and into your face, regardless of what others do or don’t do with that. In this way you’ll be taking warm responsibility for your own being and for your own self that you have made to be full of lack.
You will suffer a lot of discomfort in this and much difficulty in this. It isn’t going to be easy. It is going to be real for you and you’re able to be and do all of it. All of the lack in your self doesn’t stop you. You need to stop using your self to experience all that lack. You need to stop living those patterns by taking responsibility for them and not using them any more.
You have identified with all of the lack in your self and you have patterned your self by that. Those patterns have become strong and they have become your behavior. Those patterns are in all of your body. Those patterns are in all of your face; they’re in your eyes. You have embodied them. You need to take responsibility for that and not use them any more.
You need to identify the delicacies of being, within, the tiny soft spots in your heart. You need to bring them up into your face and into your eyes and let them show. And that needs to be your only ground, regardless of your personal discomfort in that, regardless of what others do with that. Your life cannot be the same any more. You’re able to go through all of the discomfort and all of the personal difficulty in holding this ground of being in your eyes and in your face, and living that while you’re with other people.
Q: I understand bringing the touches of being to my eyes and to my face. When I compare myself to others to identify or to have sense of who I am, that’s not the way to do it any more.
John: For you to have this ground of being in your eyes and in your face, your experience of that while you’re with others is that you’re going to be way, way out there, beautifully exposed.
Q: Is that like when I’m with other people and I feel depressed? People are happy but I feel sad and I let myself feel sad. Is that something of what you’re trying to tell me?
John: Of what not to use any more. You don’t need to do that any more. You mustn’t do that any more. You’re able to not do that any more.
Q: I don’t know what else to do.
John: Not that. Do the delicacies of being in your eyes and your face, and it doesn’t matter what people’s reactions are to that. It doesn’t matter what you see in their face because of what they’re seeing in yours. You cannot use others any more, or your self, as your standard of being in your eyes and in your face.
Q: Is it enough just to know what I should use and not to think about what you meant by using my self? Just use what I am to use?
John: Yes. When you were very little, you were full of delicacies of being, in your eyes and in your face. It was what you were and you were very sensitive, and you didn’t know what to do with that sensitivity, so you developed a self to cover it. You shut down the delicacies of being. You need to take the covering off. You need to return to where you left off. You need to develop in your self with the covering off.
Q: I believe that would be painful and uncomfortable. Is it right to choose a life that will support that, so I can be as much as that?
John: Yes. You really need to do this. You must do this despite the pain of it. You’re able to be the nurture of your own being in this.
Q: It touched me when you said you really need to do this. It seems like a very simple exercise, but I understand the consequences will be very difficult for me.
John: You need to be the juiciness of your own being, all the way into your face and in to your eyes, without apology, without the need of explanation. You’ll be making up for years of lost time.
Q: When I do feel this evilness inside towards others and then I feel a sense of pain towards my self, is it okay to express like a soft pain that I have inside of me, this attitude?
John: The moment that it’s there, wash your hands of it and have nothing to do with it. Don’t follow your patterned way.
Q: I’m shocked at my self, for what goes on towards another, inside of me.
John: Wash your hands of it. Have nothing to do with it. Don’t use it any more. Don’t relate to it any more. Identify the delicacies of being, and in your heart, hug them. They are your new ground, and that ground belongs in your eyes and in your face.
Q: I feel like it’s a new journey and I’m really afraid, but I also feel a lot of love and gratitude towards you and I’ll try to do my best.
John: Don’t try. Everything good in you is completely dependent on your really doing this. There is no cost, no pain, no discomfort that can stop you.
Q: Thank you for emphasizing this, because I can remember that. This really can help me. Thank you for your words.
John: If your doing this kills you, die with the juiciness of your own being in your eyes and in your face. To you, it’s me because it really is you.