Q: Sexuality has been a challenge for me my whole life. You have spoken about the fire of sexuality. I know a little of that, but for many years it hasn’t felt like that at all. I’ve experienced reduced potency and this has created disturbances in relationship. Now there is almost no sexuality in my life and I’ve enjoyed not having to worry about it. I don’t feel inclined to be sexual with anyone else, but without moving it in my life, how can I continue to go deeper? I feel I need to come towards my sexuality from something different.
John: The opening of pure sexuality, clean sexuality, comes with the opening of your heart and it isn’t focused on sexuality; it isn’t focused on sexuality as you’ve understood it. As you unconditionally, at any personal expense, return to your heart and everything that’s deeper, your deeper sexuality begins to open which is different from your hormonal sexuality.
Your deeper sexuality is the movement of your being through your heart that moves as meaning in you to another, in you to others, and in you to everything. It’s what enables you to directly meet something or someone. It’s what enables you to meet and commune.
As your deeper sexuality opens, it brings your opened heart up into your face and into your eyes and it shifts your whole perception of reality. It changes how you see others. It’s your return to your innocence and then it’s how you relate from within your innocence to others regardless of how they treat you, regardless of what they’re like. It means that you are naturally predisposed to meet with others and to commune. Because from there your heart is up into your face and up into your eyes, you’re able to find the same in anyone regardless of how covered-up their heart is. Because it’s up into your face and up into your eyes, you can see it in others. Within that, there is a natural movement of your heart, in your face, in your eyes, toward others.
Q: Can I do this on my own? Does it take loving, intimate relationship?
John: You don’t need it. The intimacy is intimacy of being that’s free to move in all of your heart and that’s free to move in your face, the interior of your face, and in your eyes in everything that you see. It returns you to where you left off when you left your innocence when you were really little.
Q: So is that the purpose of sexuality, in the end?
John: The purpose of sexuality is for you to move as a being, physically, so to make that meeting and that communion physical through your sexuality – through your hormonal sexuality. The premise of this is that your sexuality, as with everything else, doesn’t belong to your self; it belongs, through your heart, to your being. Kept for your self, through attraction or aversion, puts it out of balance.
Q: You’re talking about a return to innocence and opening the heart?
John: That’s everything. As you return to where you left off, and as you develop from within your innocence in the present state of your self and your life, as everything is being returned through your heart, present in your life to your being, your sexuality will re-awaken. It’ll re-awaken because of the movement of your being. As your being gets to have everything else, it will also come into your sexuality. It’s like you coming into a second puberty.
Q: I’ve had glimpses of that. So I can actively do this on my own?
John: Instead of your body and your self coming into puberty, your being, through your body and your self, comes into puberty. The meaning of hormonal sexuality isn’t the same.
Your sexuality is your greatest human power. It isn’t a power of your self. It’s a power of your humanness, which is exclusive to the heart. That power doesn’t belong to your self. Used for your self it goes out of balance. Given to your being, it empowers your being. It’s the greatest human power you have that has reach into your deeper levels, that has reach into all of your being and is able to bring your being right up into the physical, into your self, into the person. Your sexuality, given to your being, has unlimited reach. It’s reach is directly into meaning and it has unlimited capacity to express meaning that it has reached into.
Impotence is symptomatic of a lack of meaning in sexuality. It’s a self, a physical self condition. It isn’t a human condition. There’s only one real and direct aphrodisiac and that’s meaning. It’s not the meaning of your self: it begins with the meaning of your heart, and from there, all of the levels of your being, all of the meaning of being. As you move in that, that directly awakens your sexuality. In that way, your sexuality is given back to your being.
Q: Can it be that at a very early stage I experienced a lack of meaning around sexuality? I always wondered what it was really about. Or have I turned away from it because of pain or shame?
John: That didn’t occur because of something happening. That occurred because of what you were being in what happened. When what you were being was different from your own being, then through a distorted beingness, or a tightness of being, you separated from what was real. That alters your perception and experience of sexuality. For each self that manifests differently, but in every self it manifests as a lack of meaning.
Q: Does this mean that I should not involve myself in another relationship until I’ve grown deeper into my own heart and being?
John: Yes. Because if you start a new relationship you’ll use how you relate in your self to others – you’ll use your training – to be in relationship. It will all be sweetly dusted with touches in your heart, but what will be predominant is your self.
Q: That sounds like most relationships!
John: Anyone in relationship through their conditioning develops a conditioned relationship. It can have elements and touches of realness but it’s not a real relationship. A real relationship is from the inside out, with two. It’s based on real meeting, real communion, and there’s never anything in the way. It’s based on beings together, through the heart, all manifested directly in the self, in the person, in the body.
Q: And that goes for both, which means that I would have to find someone who is coming from the heart and the being.
John: Basically, you become, from the inside out, the kind of being, heart, self and person that you would most want to marry. It doesn’t have to take very long. The quicker it is, the more disturbing it is.
Q: Does it also imply that at that stage you might be just as happy on your own?
John: Yes. Then, the only reason that you would enter a relationship is because you are deeply, quietly clear. The impetus doesn’t come from your self; it comes from a depth of clarity that’s made of knowing. It has no polarization in it. It has no charge in it – nothing positive, nothing negative. It’s you, as a being, freely seeing, in your forms, someone else and being clear from the inside out to be together for what you are clearly coming from. It isn’t for reasons of relationship.
It’s in the same way that you came into relationship with your mother when you were in her body. You didn’t come into relationship with her as a self or as a person; you didn’t have one. You came into relationship as a being. It wasn’t on her terms; it was on yours and as you moved as a being you got right into her. She didn’t comprehend. She just quietly knew. All of it bypassed her self, her personality and her whole life: two beings together in one body. There begins the model of real relationship.
Q: That makes total sense.
John: To see how sexuality moves as a being, you get a little idea in seeing a baby smile. When a baby smiles at you, through the unseen levels in the baby the baby moves in them and expresses through its self that is already developing, and reaches way into you. Not just meeting: the baby enters you, accesses you and elicits a response, and any little bit that is open in you, the baby reaches in and gets you.
Hormonal sexuality belongs to that movement.