The End Of A Relationship: A Good Place To See Each Other Newly

WHEN: February 13, 2018 Afternoon Open Mic

Q: I have a question about my relationship with my girlfriend. For years I’ve felt it is over, yet I’m struggling to bring it to an end.  On one level I feel I could stay in it forever; on other levels I don’t feel it nourishes me. But it breaks my heart because she’s a friend and I care for her. To end the relationship would confront a level of pain in both of us that feels impossible to digest.

John: Instead of ending your relationship, end your relationship with pain and you’ll see her differently. Being at the end of a relationship is a really good place to start seeing, instead of opening into a newness of seeing in your next relationship. 

What starved your relationship of its meaning, slowly bringing the relationship to a close, is the same source as the source of your pain: you living in your self, moving in some way by forms of illusion. 

Q: How can I end this illusion, John?

John: Love seeing through your humanness. Love seeing from your heart instead of seeing from what you think and what you feel, which will easily be through forms of illusion. 

As you trust what you think and trust what you feel, what you’re most easily living by are your beliefs instead of the openness and softness of heart, the opening of your humanness. 

To address your relationship, you can tell her that you’re starting to see, and in beginning to see, you really see how blind you are. Being open to see your blindness disempowers your beliefs. 

When you’re open to see your blindness you begin to really know within what you do really see. You begin to know within your seeing, and the knowing within your seeing matters more to you than seeing. 

You’re not in the wrong relationship. You’re functioning from the inside out incorrectly.

Love seeing, regardless of what you see. Pain in your self tells you where you don’t want to see. Nurture, within your self, because of your openness and softness, shows you where you like to see. 

Q: Thank you.


Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Other Popular Talks

The End Of A Relationship: At Rest In Your Heart

Q: My question is about how to be in the ending of a relationship. My partner has decided it’s not right for him to be with me and I’m ready to let go, to see the good in what is there between us and just to be with the pain as it is. Yet there is also the pain of desire and longing, and a feeling of not being good enough. This has happened lots of times in my life. How can I just have the goodness without having to prove that there is something wrong with the situation?


Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »

Micro-Moments Of Realness In Chronic Pain

Q: I work with people who suffer from chronic pain and I’m wondering what would assist them in dealing with it.

John: To have no personal issue with chronic pain. For the most part, people who have chronic pain are attached to it. Only profound honesty can be in pain and make no story about it.

Q: So the story is the problem, more than the pain?

John: Yes. The dishonesty of awareness to what it knows is what creates that story.


Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »

Integrating Anger And Reactivity

Q: John, I find I can get really quite angry in social interactions where I feel unfairly treated. It happened recently that I wanted to speak with someone who refused because I was getting angrier. There’s a point at which I close off. I’m wondering whether there’s something I’m missing, or if it’s okay to get angry with others sometimes?

John: For you to be angry in a situation like that exposes that you lack depth in your reasonableness. You’re well acquainted with and value reasonableness, but if you’re pushed to a certain point, you give it up.


Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Read More »