Q: In my last marriage, when I took the decision to divorce my husband I felt it was necessary to do it, but after two years there’s still so much grief and missing of him. It was not a healthy relationship. It was terrible, really – so much anger – but I wonder if the bond was strengthening. Did I give up too early? This comes into my mind again and again, and makes it difficult to be in new relationships.
John: For the next two years, live in your bond with him regardless of the relationship having ended. The bond is real. Any resistance to that is the polarization that you strengthened in your self that is all about likes and dislikes.
When you’re quieted in your heart, free of your self, you only love him. You don’t need a relationship with him to show it. You let it show in your heart. Let your bond with him thrive in your heart. The bond is what’s real. The relationship might not have been real. The bond is what never dies. You can cover it, you can look away from it, or you can let it live in you. The presence of that bond is presence of being. If you start a new relationship, keep living in this other bond.
There’s no bond that interferes with any real relationship.