Q: Sometimes in my connection with you I hit a wall inside. There’s a sense of something bad in me and I wonder about it. When I was eighteen I had an abortion. I was four months pregnant. After the event, I completely cut off from it and put it behind me. I didn’t want to think about it. I realize that somewhere it’s affected my whole life, that on some level I’ve been punishing myself or haven’t really forgiven myself. I never really got down to feeling it. Can you speak about truly forgiving something like that?
John: While being gentle with your self, letting in what you’ve done. While judging nothing, letting your self feel everything, letting what is still in your body move through your thinking and your feeling. Realize what you have done without judging your self. To turn away from what you have done is to shut off from your self.
It is of such value to, very gently, let in everything that you have ever done. Not digging it all up; just no longer resisting any of it. You can only be as deeply open now as you are deeply open to your past. Now includes your past. Your future is as restricted as your responses to your past. Let everything come up as it does, regaining all of your sensitivity back.
Q: How far back does ‘past’ go?
John: As far back as it comes from.
Q: Does that mean memories and knowings that don’t seem to have come from what I’ve known in this particular life?
John: Let in everything while drawing no conclusions: not believing more than what you actually know is true.