Finding Real Togetherness In Relationship

WHEN: November 1, 2019 Evening Open Mic

Q: I’ve been in relationship for almost twenty years, and in all these years of living next to each other we don’t have togetherness; we can’t connect and communicate. It’s as if we speak different languages. Something in me says this part of my life is over, but I also wonder if I’m creating the problem and don’t give him a chance to understand me.

John: He doesn’t need to understand you. To be in a real relationship the two of you only need to be together.

Q: Why hasn’t it ever happened?

John: Because you’re looking for more than that. You’re looking for too much.

Q: Why too much?

John: You’re looking for the bakery, so then you can’t see the bread that’s there. Or you’re looking for the bread but you can’t see all of the crumbs that are there. Any time you’re looking for more than what is there, you’ll be blind to what is really there.

When you’re just delicately being there with him, or even just delicately being toward him, as you are settled in that you start to see differently. You start to see in him what is so touching for you to see in him, and then when you come into little bits of that, don’t make any of that about your self: how to have more of that, or how to communicate to him what you see.

Q: I listen to you but don’t understand anything. Why does nothing touch me? Even you don’t understand me!

John: That’s how projection works.

The way that projection works is that whatever it is that you’re coming from, what you at present are relating from is what you’ll see through. When you’re coming from the belief that nobody really sees you and understands you, then that’s what you’ll find and that’s what you’ll see. 

If that core belief wouldn’t be there, you would see the subtleties in people’s faces and in their eyes of where you can see that they understand you.

Q: Maybe it’s not that you don’t understand me. It’s with all people. I’m not feeling that I have a real connection with people. 

John: Then you’re also not giving to others, not freely giving to others what you’re looking for from others.

If you find that you’re not really connecting to anyone, then, without looking for results, start giving tiny little things to people: a look without needing anything back, a word without needing anything back. 

Enjoy the connectivity and the goodness, the flow of giving tiny little things to people – so little that most won’t notice.

Q: I think that I do that a lot with people. 

John: If it’s genuine, a garden in you will grow.

 

Other Popular Talks

A Life-Change For Your Marriage: Loving Your Husband From A Deeper You

Q: I feel as if I’m in the biggest crisis of my life. I’ve been married for twenty years, and thirty years ago I was in love with a man twenty years older than me. He was married, with children. A few years ago he called me and our love is still there. My husband knows about him. It’s so hard to choose between these two men. I need your help! And recently the word “stay” has been coming to me.

John: Stay in your relationship with your husband...

Read More »

On EMF Exposure, Fear And Your Real Freedom

Q: I lived on a mountain, which I loved, and they’ve put in microwave towers. I’ve had heart attacks and strokes. I’ve been in hospital with all those symptoms and met the pain and shock running through my brain. I’ve been in this wonderful state of beingness and surrendered to dying from a stroke, but I realized I was a ‘doing’ in it. There’s a gap there, somehow, and when I open to the fear it can still gobble me up. Everyone else seems unaffected.

John: When you’re being what you really are, anything that happens to your person, to your body, to your self, to your heart, truly opens you...

Read More »

A Simple Forgiveness Exercise For You

Q: My daughter is the person I love most on the planet. I deeply and dearly love her and she me, but she took a partner and the moment I saw him, I saw that he has no substance. Nothing. We’ve tried to get along but I can no longer be in the same room with him. When I visit, I ask that he is not there. It’s all starting to make me ill. Even my grand-children are aware of it now and ask us to be nice to each other…

Read More »