Bringing New, Deeper Love Into Your Marriage

WHEN: December 3, 2016 Afternoon Open Mic

Quote: Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one.

Q: I’ve been in love with my husband for many years and we have two children. For a few months I’ve been in a deep connection and love with another man, and this love feels so deep, peaceful, and easy. I’m seeing how my ability to be in love depends on the qualities in another and wonder if I’m evolved enough to be with someone who’s closed and distant. It’s a pain-filled situation for us all.

John: Use what comes up in you toward another man than your husband to inspire what you’re able to find in you toward your husband. What another man finds in you, you bring to your husband. Don’t learn how to do that in your next relationship.

When you come to what seems like a wall in your relationship, instead of giving up, dig; dig and find him. Bring to him what you’re looking for from him. Turn into everything that you’re looking for and, in that, go the distance. Instead of being met by another man, be met by what comes up in you, seemingly because of another man.

Q: Yeah, I understand now.

John: Expire every resource you have to uncover what you’re looking for from your husband. Find it without you waiting for him to bring it to you.

Leave your familiarity that you have with your husband aside, so instead of coming from what you’re used to in your self when you’re with him, leave your self aside and be open to see him despite his self. Then, as you begin to see, give of your self to what you see of him. That’s like you developing a new garden toward him. He doesn’t need to see it. Your reach eventually makes its way. Believe the part of him that wants to see instead of believing the part of him that doesn’t. Love making it easy for him to say “yes” to you, and you’ll find him.

Everything that you would learn in your next relationship, pour into this one. Pour into your husband. The two of you have picked the tree of all of its fruit and you haven’t grown anything new. That’s not the fault of the relationship. It’s a cycle in a relationship. When you realize the cycle, then you begin to grow new fruit. It costs much more than coming into a new relationship where there appears to be so much ready fruit.

Q: That’s a lovely picture.

John: Love gardening in your relationship. You evolve in the midst of your relationship as it is. If you don’t know where to begin, begin with feeling sorry for him. As soon as you feel it, then don’t stay there. Go one level of feeling deeper, so as soon as you feel sorry for him, feel for him, and as soon as you really have that, go a level deeper of feeling; instead of feeling for him, feel him, and there you’ve found him again. As soon as you have reached feeling him, move your heart to him. Move your vulnerability unceasingly; stay with it regardless of what he’s like. Believe the part in him that wants to be reached. Don’t give up on that part just because of the other parts that show.

Falling in love with another man – that’s good. It shows you what’s inside of you. Take all of that to your husband. Instead of feeling guilty about it, let it move you and inspire you.

Start a whole new garden toward your husband until he gets it.

Q: Thank you so much.

Other Popular Talks

Real Power: Givenness To Love In The Midst Of Polarity

Q: I’ve recently experienced a restedness within and I know there’s new life there. I feel I’m stepping into something of the weakness you speak of. Would you speak more about weakness and real power?

John: From within the conditioning in our selves, we relate to power as what gives us advantage: an advantage over vulnerability, an advantage over weakness, an advantage in being taken advantage of, an advantage in unfairness, having an advantage in being liked, being loved, being cared for. It’s all an abuse of power: the use of power that doesn’t come from within nurture, the use of power that has its relationship to lack, the use of power that perceivably gives remedy to lack...

Read More »

What Is Real Forgiveness?

Q: I want to talk about forgiveness. We’re often told to forgive this and forgive that, but if we’re really coming from our heart there is no need for forgiveness. 

John: Yes. When you hold a grudge, or when you’re closing and hardening towards someone because of how they’ve treated you, it doesn’t matter how wrongly you’re treated, you’re not right in closing or hardening. So in that way no one has a good or a real reason to close and harden. 

We can close and harden when we’re mistreated, and what we understand in ourselves is that ultimately we need to come to a place of forgiving, forgiving the other...

Read More »

My Mother Is Dying …

Q: My mother is very ill. She’s likely to die very soon, and in my self I’m panicking. 

John: When she dies, she will be so fine. 

Q: In my heart I know everything’s okay, yet I feel very alone with it.

John: Then that’s that. What is real is right there. You go to your heart and stay there: not just concerning your mother dying but concerning your whole life, concerning everything. You will, a little bit, turn into what she will be after she’s died, and your life – what you have left of it – will not continue to just pass away. ..

Read More »