Relationship

How Can I Be Of Real Support?

Q: I’ve recently welcomed into my home a family member who is an addict. Normally I’m a fairly balanced person, but now there’s uncertainty about how to manage everything and support her. I feel both resentment and great love. I’m struggling with how to be balanced in my heart amongst all the different responsibilities and give support, without really knowing how. Can you help?

John: Any past investments that you’ve had in hardening or in closing, any excuses that you have for ill-feeling or resentment you don’t need for you to be in your heart toward the other...

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Parenting

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce

Q: How can I best support my daughter through her parents’ splitting-up and through all the changing outer circumstances, like moving house?

John: By enjoying her.

Q: “Enjoying” … do you mean loving?

John: “Loving” can become complicated.

Q: What do you mean by that?

John: If you enjoy her, you will love her. If you “love” her you might be putting something on to her.

Q: A bit too much?

John: Love is not too much...

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Awakening

What Shall I Do With The Rest Of My Life?

Q: I recently retired from work. I’m sixty-two. I intend to live beyond ninety and am thinking what to do with the remaining thirty years of my life. The question is about focus and choice. What is my task for these remaining thirty years in this life?

John: To awaken to your much greater interior within that hasn’t yet been a part of your life. Your awakening to that will cost you what has been your life.

Aside from anything at all to do with your self, you have knowledge that there’s more and that the more isn’t at all like your self; it isn’t at all like what your life has been...

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Parenting

Living Your Life From The Deepest Peace Within

Q: If I’m true in what my heart is wanting and desiring, it’s to have a child. It’s probably been six years since I’ve had a partner and I’m forty-four next month. I’m wondering whether to do it on my own, with insemination. I feel this strong desire and it’s been there for years. I would like any advice you have.

John: First, most deeply within, deep within your heart – deeply, gentled and quieted in your heart – there you have need of nothing...

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Pain & Suffering

Deeply Enjoying Your Father

Q: My father has a mental health condition that’s rapidly getting worse. He’s so sweet and vulnerable in it. When I told him I was coming to this seminar he said “say a prayer for me.” I don’t know what to do for him, and I really love him. Can you help me?

John: Deeply within, enjoy what is there. Enjoy him as he loses his mind.  As he loses his mind he’s able to realize differently. As he loses his mind he’s losing his old pathways, pathways that he didn’t need when his mind was good...

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Awakening

Turning Into The Meaning Of Just One Word

Q: I remember you once speaking to me of the value of just one word and how far it could take me. Would you say more?

John: When you’re really listening and very gentled within, there will always be one word that represents what you are most learning, one word being birthed in you. Then, what is being birthed with that one word is the depth of its meaning. One word slowly turns into a whole universe.

There is a whole gestation period in realizing just one word, in you slowly turning into the meaning of one word...

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Pain & Suffering

Gently Letting In Your Past

Q: Sometimes in my connection with you I hit a wall inside. There’s a sense of something bad in me and I wonder about it. When I was eighteen I had an abortion. I was four months pregnant. After the event, I completely cut off from it and put it behind me. I didn’t want to think about it. I realize that somewhere it’s affected my whole life, that on some level I’ve been punishing myself or haven’t really forgiven myself. I never really got down to feeling it...

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Awakening

What You Truly Are Is Grace

Q: I love the truth of what I am beyond my preferences. I can see my inner face in yours and it’s like being in open sunshine. How can I open more to my shadows – those parts of me that I’ve separated from?

John: By seeing the shadows in others – not seeing such shadows with criticism or judgment, but tenderness seeing them. It is only tenderness that has the honesty to see. If someone else’s shadow can in any tiny little way find the same thing in your self, then the shadows of others, instead of being an attraction for irritation, judgment or criticism, are for you a love reflector...

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Consciousness

What Is Real Love?

Q: What is real love?

John: It is the most wonderful, life-giving and healing energy in the universe. It cannot comprehend frustration. It cannot be bothered or bugged. It cannot be frustrated, because love is not frustration. It cannot be provoked to be anything other than love. It doesn’t try to be itself: it cannot be anything other than itself. It is kindness and tenderness without thought, without willfulness. It does not self-reflect. It does not consider itself. It doesn’t think: it doesn’t need to think; it already is...

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Relationship

Living and Loving From Your Real Bond … With Everyone

Q: I would like to speak to you about my parents. When I was sixteen my father died, and for the last two years of his life I’d had no contact with him. My parents got divorced when I was fourteen and, because my mother gave me much more ground to stand on, I moved in with her. She had the strong feeling that my father would be a bad influence on me. My parents had a lot of fights before she eventually moved out and I took on her beliefs...

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Relationship

How To Argue Well

Q: I don’t want to stay in my patterned ways of relating, and the best way I know is not to let arguments persist.

John: For arguments to become fewer you would have to learn to argue well. For you to learn to argue well is for you to use everything that you are in support of clarity coming through. In a good argument, no one wins but clarity.

Q: I’ve experienced that. There was no emotion; there was straightness and I was in my feet...

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Consciousness

The Echo of Tenderness Into Eternity

Q: I have this question about innocence. All those things that we do to our selves and to other people … do they leave marks? Do they go away?

John: Never. Did you see the movie ‘The Gladiator’? What he said is true: that everything that you do now echoes through eternity.

Q: So you just let it echo?

John: That’s acceptance...

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