Q: I feel as if I’m in the biggest crisis of my life. I’ve been married for twenty years, and thirty years ago I was in love with a man twenty years older than me. He was married, with children. A few years ago he called me and our love is still there. My husband knows about him. It’s so hard to choose between these two men. I need your help! And recently the word “stay” has been coming to me.

John: Stay in your relationship with your husband...

Q: I want to talk about forgiveness. We’re often told to forgive this and forgive that, but if we’re really coming from our heart there is no need for forgiveness. 

John: Yes. When you hold a grudge, or when you’re closing and hardening towards someone because of how they’ve treated you, it doesn’t matter how wrongly you’re treated, you’re not right in closing or hardening. So in that way no one has a good or a real reason to close and harden. 

We can close and harden when we’re mistreated, and what we understand in ourselves is that ultimately we need to come to a place of forgiving, forgiving the other...